“And as for the rest? We have not lost it forever. Yes, some aspects are changed, and there’s no going back on that, but we have an opportunity that most don’t get. And that’s to make the next chapter of our lives what we want them to be, not what we were raised to be, not the weapons we were molded into… This is our chance at freedom. But to embrace that, we need to break the chains still holding us back…”
He shakes his head. “I…I don’t think I can. I’m not made for this. I didn’t understand when Roman fell for more than one person. I’m not sure how to love you when your heart belongs to others. I…I don’t know whether I’m strong enough to survive this.”
“It’s change, Dolce Coure. Nothing is scarier to us. I know. But Ignacio pointed out to me earlier that the good things we’re seeing are because of us. We gave them the building blocks. The Council wasn’t formed in spite of us—not completely—but because we gave them the strength to continue on.
“Think about this. Had your uncle been in charge, Carter would have been killed. But despite how hard he tried, he could not make you in his image.
“Then there’s your son. Yes, you made mistakes. I’d like to know one parent who hasn’t. You’re the one who pointed out to me that the fears I had of bringing a child into this world is what would make me a good father. You have work to do, but when I look at Roman, I see his strength. I see his heart. And he’s only able to have those things because you gave them to him. You didn’t stifle him, you encouraged him.”
“A lot of that was Carter,” Cristian retorts harshly, but I refuse to yield to him.
“And I say a lot was on you. Roman was already, what, eleven when Carter came into his life? He saw you go through the betrayal of Carter, and felt it himself. He could have closed down, you know what we would have been taught.”
Cristian snorts. “We would have been forced to kill the traitor ourselves. And it wouldn’t matter the reasoning.”
“Exactly. But because you showed forgiveness—even if you held back slightly to protect yourself—your son saw that love was so much more than fancy words. Now, he has the largest heart of them all, and he can use that to help lead. He tempers Lio. And Carter, who you saved, guides both Roman and Lio. We may no longer be the ones at the helm, My Heart, but Ignacio is right. This—all of this—would not exist without us.”
He drops his head forward, and I gather him in my arms, holding him as I rub his back, letting him feel the love I have for him. When he pulls back, there’s more determination in his eyesthan I’ve seen before. Even when he tried to help me, he held part of himself back. That’s no longer an option.
“I shouldn’t be surprised it’s lessons from Chaos who is kicking our ass, should I?” he says ruefully.
“No. I’ve already begged an apology from Ignacio. It’ll take time to build a relationship with him again, but…it’s a start. And for you, I know this is hard because waiting has never been the strong suit for either of us, but…we need to start somewhere. That means rebuilding those relationships, slowly. Offering friendship to Carter as a co-parent. Listening to your son. Understanding Ignacio’s love for Roman. But there’s one thing I need the most.”
Scowling, Cristian says it himself. “Therapy.”
I’m sure he wishes it was said with derision, but there’s too much hope cracking through that word. We both know it. It’s foolish to think of it any other way. Because if we do? Then we may as well lie down and die. For now, we fight. And that means taking on the shadows in our own minds.
“Will you go with me?” I keep my voice devoid of emotion, not wanting to trick him into anything, but I need him to reach out with me, to trustus.
“Now?” He pulls away, his eyes widening in response. The slight panic is almost amusing, and I have to quickly hide my reaction. Both of us have faced losing loved ones, almost dying ourselves, but give us a room and another person scribbling on a notepad, and we’d choose the physical every time.
With a half smile, which is the most I can give right now, I reply, “Yes, Sweetheart. You’ve said you want to go, but you’ve not followed through. If you want to live free, to love, and to pull our pieces together…we need to face this. But I won’t let you go alone.”
He stares off into the distance for so long that I wonder if I’ve made the wrong decision. If I’ve pushed too hard. Or maybe hejust doesn’t love me back, despite the words we’ve said before. I know there’s a long road ahead of us, yet…I can’t help but dream of a future with him in it. How that looks, I’m not sure. But a journey has to start somewhere, and that means we need help to break the cycle, and transform ourselves, from the toxicity of the past into the new life waiting for us.
He suddenly nods decisively. “Yes, My Love. It’s time.”
Standing, I offer him my hand, and when he takes it, it’s like another piece of who I am falls into place. We take it slow as we progress down to the medical wing. When we stop in front of Javi’s door, I nudge him encouragingly. I’ll stand by his side through all of it, but this time, he has to be the one to take the first step forward. When he raises his hand to knock, it’s like I can suddenly breathe.
This isn’t going to be an easy journey, and the scars from our past won’t disappear, but perhaps together, and with the help of Javi’s empire, we can finally find peace—and love. Together.
Ifocus on my breathing rather than the nervousness running through me. The last thing I want is to be thrown into a panic attack and have to be sedated—again.
It's just Tennant. He loves you, as much as he can. He'll listen, he always does.
Despite how often I chant those words in my head, they don't seem to help. On the precipice of losing everything that matters, there's nothing that could calm the racing thoughts, or the anxious, jittery feeling I have.
The door to my room is pushed open without so much as a knock, and when Tennant steps in, I lose my breath.
Fuck, he's so beautiful.He's wearing black slacks and a black dress shirt. The dark color makes his ice blue eyes stand out like glaciers, and his neatly combed white blond hair seems to gleam under the lights.
Everything in me is drawn to him. Like a moth to a flame, Tennant pulls me in without even trying. Is it any wonder I was helpless to stop the collision course we’re on? From his dangerous aura to his too-pretty-to-be-real looks, Tennant exudes everything I should have wanted to stay away from. Instead, he gives me what I need, and more. Even at the expense of the fairytale life I’ve always dreamed of.
I take a deep breath, as he smirks and shuts the door behind him. He’s very aware of what he does to me, but I don’t begrudge his arrogance. No, I want it, I need it. At one point, I felt cherished because he pushed all that he is onto me. And I want that again.
“I love seeing you in makeup, Topolino. Such a beautiful Baby Mouse sitting there, so very tempting.”
I give him a small smile, the compliment soaking into my skin, healing my battered and bruised soul. “I need to try to get back to me, to remember to do all the things I thought I couldn’t when I was given my position.”
