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“Aw, honey. I know.”
“But it is whether or not I want it to be, isn’t it?” Kristina asked, hugging herself against the sensation that her chest was splitting wide apart. Kate nodded. “Then I guess that’s it. After all these years, I guess Noah and I are really over for good.”
Chapter Nineteen
If Noah thought he’d been a wreck before rejecting Kristina’s love, it was nothing compared to how he felt after.
He had no appetite and didn’t eat. He couldn’t sleep without seeing the crushed look on her face when he’d lied about not loving her. Hell, he couldn’t even tolerate being awake, because his brain wouldn’t stop replaying her voice saying that they were done.
And every bit of it was his own damn fault.
He hadn’t gotten out of bed for most of the past four days because he’d been too damn depressed. And when he hadn’t been able to get an appointment with his doctor for a physical until Thursday afternoon, he’d seen no reason to go to fight club Tuesday night. And the appointment earlier this afternoon was the only reason he’d bothered to get out of bed today. Otherwise, he’d probably still be laying there in the dimness, stuck right on the edge of sleep but never actually falling, every so often waking up his phone to reread the last text message Kristina had sent him.
I don’t want to have a good time, Noah. I just want you.
I just want you.
Jesus, those words were an agony.
Noah hadn’t turned his phone back on to see them until after he’d fucked everything up. Not that seeing her text sooner probably would’ve made a difference to how that night had gone down or the piss-poor choices he’d made. Because even on his best of days, he was still too many shades of fucked up.
On top of all that, Noah’s energy level was for shit, and getting to the doctor’s office had taken way more effort than he had it in him to make. The only thing that kept him from bailing on fight club again was stepping on the scale during his physical…and finding that he’d lost sixteen pounds since his last appointment less than a month before.
Noah was well on his way to actually becoming nothing.
Which was why he’d driven
directly from the medical park to the Full Contact MMA training center, only detouring enough to pick up some fast food, and then waited the two hours until class time. A part of him felt like he was walking a very fine line between still being able to pull himself back up the cliff he’d fallen down or just letting himself fall the rest of the way.
Falling would be so much fucking easier.
But he didn’t want to be a coward, and he didn’t want to be a fucking tragedy, either.
Finally, class time arrived, and Noah made his way down to the gym, paperwork in hand. Inside, he walked up to Mack, who gave him a big open smile.
“Welcome back, Cortez,” he said.
“Thanks,” Noah said, handing over his form. “All squared away.”
“Good.” Mack’s dark eyes scanned over the sheet, and then cut back up to Noah. “You doing okay?”
Noah nodded. “I’m five by five.” He wasn’t actually doing good, but the numbness that had washed through him over the past few hours was so much better than the pain that had wracked him during the past few days that it didn’t entirely feel like a lie.
One of Mack’s eyebrows went up, just the littlest bit, but enough to reveal his skepticism. “All right, then,” he finally said. “Head on out and start warming up.”
Noah found a spot on the mats. He’d come to class earlier this time than last, so there were only about a half dozen people here so far.
The woman sitting closest to him turned and gave him a smile. “Hey, you were here on Saturday, right?” she asked. “I’m Daniela England. Everyone calls me Dani.”
“Yeah,” he said. “Noah Cortez.”
The woman had long shiny black hair pulled back into a low pony tail, light brown skin, and striking big brown eyes. “Well, welcome, Noah. You’ll like this place. It’s a great group of people.”
“Thanks,” he said as more people joined them on the mat. He exchanged greetings with Billy, who introduced him to Sean Riddick, the guy who’d come in late the last time he’d been here. Sean was apparently former Navy and Dani a former Army nurse. Noah enjoyed learning how varied everyone’s backgrounds were, yet they were all united by their service to country. And Billy was right about Sean and Dani making a sport of driving each other crazy, because they started in on it the minute Sean sat down.
“Look who’s on time for once,” Dani said, looking at Sean.
The guy shook his head. “Not in the mood, Daniela.”
