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“That next day was the worst day of my life. And, in a way, the best. Because it was the day I decided I had to try to heal, or I would end up killing myself.”
A sob tried to rip up Kristina’s throat, but she forced it down, her breathing audibly catching. She grasped his hand again, wishing she had the power to hold him to this world with the sheer force of her will alone.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her gaze dropping to the first mask.
Fingers gently lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him. “Don’t be. If you’d let me back into your life that night, I might’ve thought I could keep right on doing the same thing. It wasn’t working then, and it never would’ve worked. That’s why I kept falling apart. You saved my life, Kristina. You, and Moses and Mack from the fight club. Hell, you don’t even know about the fight club, do you?”
She shook her head, just glad that he’d found something that’d helped him.
“I’ll tell you. If you want, that is. But, for now, I just need you to know. You pushed me to examine myself and make a choice. And I chose to live, to fight. And that’s what I’ve been doing the past couple of months.”
Sadness and cautious hope rushed through her like a flash flood. The things he’d been going through all this time…
“And…how’s it going?” she asked.
“Good. Slow. I’m a work in progress, of course. But I’ve been working hard, trying to get myself ready to see you today. Two weeks ago, I started on the second mask. Because I wanted you to know.”
“That you’ve changed?”
“Yes, in part,” he said. He gently pulled his hand free, stood up, and faced her.
One by one, he unbuttoned his dress shirt until he’d create
d a gap in the middle of the buttons. He pulled the left side open, exposing the absolutely cut muscle of his chest and abdomen.
A new tattoo sat across his heart.
IT ALL
STARTS
WITH YOU
He held out a hand, inviting her to stand. She carefully placed the masks on the bench and accepted his grasp. Noah pulled her closer until he pressed her palm flat over the ink. He held her hand there with his.
“This tattoo is about me, because I had to fix myself before I could do or have or be anything else. But this tattoo is also about you, because you were my reason, my inspiration, my hope against hope.”
Kristina’s heart suddenly thundered inside her chest. Her brain struggled to make sense of everything he was saying. And her heart wasn’t the only one going a little crazy, because beneath her fingers, his drummed out a fast, hard beat. “Hope for what?”
His eyes went almost soft as he peered down at her. “You have every reason to hate me, every reason to want me to stay away. I’m not all better, and maybe I never will be. But if you could forgive me for the way I treated you or, God, I know this is hoping too much, but maybe even think of some way I might get to be a part of your life, even if infrequently, it would mean the world to me—”
“I don’t hate you, Noah. I never hated you,” she rushed out, her mind spinning. “And there’s nothing to forgive. I’m proud of you. So proud of you. It takes a strong, strong person to do what you’ve done. I’m just…” She shook her head, emotion clogging her throat. “…really proud. And, as far as being in my life—”
“I know that I’ve hurt you. After using you and lashing out at you, I wouldn’t disrespect you by hoping for more than friendship now. And God knows I don’t want to do another thing to hurt you—”
Kristina cupped his face in her free hand. “Noah, what are you saying?” she asked, her head and heart a confused, hopeful, scared mess.
He pressed her hand more firmly to his skin. “I just wanted to apologize for the way I treated you. And thank you for your part in helping me get better. And…and to tell you that I lied. I lied that night when I told you I didn’t love you. Jesus, every word out of my mouth during that conversation was a lie, and I’m so damn sorry. But I—”
“You lied?” she asked in a small voice. The whole world narrowed to the space between them.
He nodded, just once. “I’m sorry.”
“What does that mean?” Because what she thought it meant was too freaking important to guess at.
Noah looked her right in the eye for a long moment, and then he said, “That I love you. That I’m in love with you. And I’m only sorry that I figured it all out too late.”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. Kristina couldn’t hold back the sob when it threatened this time. She was trembling and a little dizzy and quite possibly dreaming, because the man she loved had just told her he loved her, too. “Oh, Noah.”
