‘Yes, Gammy. I can live here with you and my pony!’ Hal went happily up onto his great-grandmother’s lap.
‘Thanks, champ,’ Sage said wryly, winking at him.
The two of them were safe with her grandparents but, realistically, she would have to stand on her own two feet as soon as she was not earning her keep at North Place. Any independent income she had once had, including the remnants of her mother’s life insurance that had been split between her and Casper, had now run out. Hers had been mostly spent on university fees. She squared her shoulders. She could crack that puzzle another day.
‘Shall we go and see this yellow pony, then?’
Dolly met them at the yard, and her wide smile instantly eased Sage’s nerves. She was just as beautifully, colourfully dressed as Sage remembered her. A bright checked coat in a soft fluffy wool engulfed Dolly’s slim frame and as they hugged tightly, she breathed in her friend’s familiar floral scent.
The place was on the next farm over from where Dolly lived with her parents, both of whom taught at the school she had attended with Sage and Casper. She was an artist who, although talented, had not yet had enough real success to make herself financially independent. The fact that Dolly was also still living at home had made Sage feel slightly less guilty, too.
Hal was sitting happily on the aptly named Custard, stroking his cream mane with small, loving hands; the palomino pony was a triumph, all twelve hands of him. Custard’s owner was a ten-year-old girl who had outgrown him but displayed how safe he was by bouncing an open umbrella on his neck and quarters as she rode him. Hal had then been put up, and had immediately fallen in love with the sweet creature.
Dolly and Sage had bonded over a mutual love of ponies when they were at school together. Dolly’s pony, Trooper, and Sage’s pony, Star, had neighbouring stables at Pony Club camp and the girls had been inseparable since the age of about eleven. However, the literal distance between them of the last few years would make it difficult to just pick up their friendship where they had left off. As they leant against the rails of the arena, they watched Hal pottering about on the sweet yellow pony being led by the girl, while Gammy chatted to the owners.
Sage went for complete transparency. ‘I’m so embarrassed. You told me that you didn’t trust Santiago. From the very beginning. I wish I had listened to you, Doll. I am a complete idiot.’
Dolly smiled kindly and waved this away.
‘He was very charming. And so handsome. I did understand the attraction.’ She turned towards Sage, hooking an elbow upover the railing. ‘You’re not an idiot. I just didn’t like the way he acted like he owned you. It was creepy. And you became a completely different person when you were around him. He stifled you. You were never silly or relaxed any more.’
‘You’re right. I did become someone I can hardly even recognize as myself.’ Sage bit her lip. ‘Someone who shamefully abandoned her best friend.’ She rested her head on her hands. ‘I really am so sorry. Andsoembarrassed,’ she repeated.
‘You don’t need to be sorryorembarrassed.’ Dolly regarded Sage, putting a gentle hand on her face. ‘Did he do this to you?’ she asked softly, tracing the bruise on her eye. Sage hung her head.
‘Yes. It’s not that bad though. I mean, it could have been worse. At least he never touched Hal.’
‘It’s not that bad?’ Dolly repeated, appalled. ‘Sage, it’s not that good.’
Sage finally looked directly at her friend who was still watching her, concern creasing her fair features. ‘Has he hurt you before?’
Sage reluctantly nodded. ‘I don’t want to bore you with all this though.’
Dolly’s face dropped in dismay.
‘You are not boring me, Sage,’ she said vehemently. ‘Come on, tell me everything.’
Sage wanted to tell her friend but she found the words sticking in her dry throat. ‘I haven’t told anyone yet. I felt so ashamed. He made me feel as though it was my fault.’ She was completely unaccustomed to having someone she could safely confide in. She tried again. ‘I found myself totally isolated. No friends. His mother is foul. She hated me so much, from the moment I arrived.’ Sage furiously swiped at an escaping tear. Taking a deep breath, she steadied herself. ‘Lucilla treated me like an unwelcome guest in her house, for the whole time that I was there, and Santiago just let her.’
She looked at Dolly, anxious that she was boring her. Dolly gestured for her to go on.
‘He started talking to girls on social media. All the time. I would sometimes read them when he left his computer open. It’s so humiliating …’ Sage brushed away another rogue tear. ‘He think-cheated on me all the time, but if I confronted him he would get really aggressive. Two weeks ago he smashed my phone in a rage, then moved on to my laptop. I’ve got no money – I didn’t get a job because I wanted to look after Hal full-time, so I couldn’t replace anything without his help. So I was then completely secluded and unable to contact anyone at home unless I used the landline. That phone was kept in the main hall and it’s impossible to talk freely there. Then the night before I flew home, he hit me. It was the first time he had really meant to. He had pulled my hair before, pushed me into the wall in a rage. But … This time …’ She pointed to her eye. ‘He really meant it this time. Lucilla just watched it happen and did nothing. And Dolly … Hal was there too.’
Her voice broke on the final few words and Dolly wrapped her arms around her, holding her tight. She had no desire to hold a grudge for all the time Sage had been absent; she felt no gratification that her oldest friend was paying for her mistakes. Dolly felt real pain as she learnt of the ordeal Sage had been through.
The last few years fell away and they gently began to remember the rhythm of their former comfortable friendship, picking it up tentatively. Sage felt a rush of gratitude for the kindness she was receiving back in England. She was not entirely sure if she deserved it and knew she would never take compassion and forgiveness for granted ever again. She felt the bond of Dolly’s friendship like a balm. The barren, lonely existence in Panama had stretched out interminably and although Sage had struggled, she had not realized the extent of her isolation untilnow. The trauma of Santiago’s cycles of abuse and affection, and never knowing which she would be on the receiving end of that particular day, had damaged her naturally easy-going, confident temperament and turned her into someone unfamiliar who cowered in the mirror. Back in Dolly’s presence, she remembered herself.
The two of them went to join Hal, who was entranced by his godmother, telling her that she looked like Custard with her long golden hair and creamy soft skin.
Sage laughed. ‘Your godmother always had the pick of the boys at school.’ Dolly had been captain of athletics, her slim figure almost always encased in a paint-spattered tracksuit rather than school uniform, and she had been full of mischief. She would regularly bring in contraband cigarettes and alcohol that she had found confiscated in her father’s study and share them generously amongst her friends. She had dated Casper in their last year of sixth form. They had been the envy of everyone, so full of laughter and affection. ‘But for some reason she chose your naughty uncle.’
Sage was treading carefully now. Something had happened in their second year together that had smashed their seemingly unbreakable bond to smithereens. Sage had been away at university, and both Casper and Dolly refused to talk about it afterwards.
That had also affected Sage and Dolly’s friendship, creating awkward barriers that neither girl had known how to navigate, but they’d stayed close. At least, until Santiago came onto the scene.
Sage scooped Hal off the pony, aware she was taking up too much of the patient owners’ time. Hal began to screech in protest and Betsy took his hand, trying valiantly to calm him as she led him away.
‘I had forgotten quite how beautiful you are,’ Dolly said toSage as they walked to their cars. ‘When you’re feeling better, will you sit for me?’ She leant down to kiss a wildly sobbing Hal and then went to give Sage a big hug, noticing how thin her friend felt in her arms. Sage had clearly had a very rough time. ‘We could sink a bottle of something strong and catch up properly?’ Her voice was full of warmth and affection.
