Tears were rolling down Rachel’s cheeks now, and Anna was crying as well.
‘I just wish you’d fuckingtalkto me, like you used to!’ Anna yelled. ‘I’m getting married, I haven’t joined a cult or been abducted by aliens. I’m still the same person I’ve always been. I’m supposed to be your best friend.’
‘But you’d never have listened about Jack!’ Rachel shouted, finally finding her voice. ‘You’d have made me feel stupid – exactly like you’re doing now. He’s beentherefor me at work. He’s been supportive …’
Anna took a deep breath and swiped at her tear-soaked cheeks. Her perfect winged eyeliner had run, her lipstick had smudged and her nose was pink and snotty.
‘I’d have told you the truth,’ she said. ‘I’d have reminded you that he never stopped fancying you, even back at uni – he just wanted to have his cake and eat it. So it’s no surprise to me that he’s after you again. Jack did care about you, he just cared about himselfmore– and I’d bet my entire wedding budget that he still does now. What has he done for you at work that didn’t also advantagehimin some way? Who’s been watching every time he’s been helpful? It’s what people do when no one’s looking that tells you who they really are, Rach.’
This made Rachel think of Tom: modest and unassuming, talented but self-effacing. She thought about him singing and playing the piano, and how much he cared about Oscar even though the kid was a total liability. She remembered he’d sent her chocolate dog droppings because he knew it would make her smile on Valentine’s Day.
‘I don’t believe people change, Rach,’ Anna went on. ‘Not without a shitload of therapy, anyway. You used to think that Jack had a secret softer side, but he’s always been precisely what he seems. He doesn’t have hidden depths … Just moderately well-concealed shallows.’
‘I’m not an idiot, Anna, and I amnotdesperate,’ Rachel said, her voice heavy with tears.
‘But you’restuck,’ Anna said. ‘You’re not moving forward or in control of where you’re going. Getting sucked back in by Jack is the easy option: he’ll chase you and in the end you’ll let him win, just like you did before. But that’s not really choosing – it’s letting someone else choose for you.
‘It’s exactly what you did in there with the bridesmaid dresses, even though you knew that peach one made you look like a cadaver.’
‘Iammoving forward!’ Rachel protested, sniffing. ‘I’m moving out, aren’t I? I’m going to live without you for the first time in thirteen years!’
‘Only because I’mmakingyou!’ Anna cried. ‘And I feel like a total bitch – like I’m the worst friend in the world! But I can’t spend my life looking after you if it means missing out on whatIneed. I can’t be responsible for you any more, Rachel!’
Rachel recoiled, as if Anna had fired a gun at her.
‘Responsiblefor me?’
As fresh tears flowed down Rachel’s face, Anna fell silent. The angry wind had finally gone from her sails and she looked devastated. Stricken.
‘Rachel … Oh, Rach, I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.’
‘I think you did mean it,’ Rachel said. ‘In which case, I’m sorry too.’
She walked away, not caring that she was going in the wrong direction. Anna didn’t follow her.
Rachel’s eyes were puffy and red-rimmed. She’d cried off most of her make-up and, while she’d stopped weeping for now, she felt as though she was holding herself together with duct tape.
The last thing she wanted to do was spend her afternoon assisting at a celebrity photo shoot – but what other choice did she have?
She couldn’t go home. Anna would probably be there – and right now, seeing her was even less appealing than spending the next few hours with Tom and Sophie French.
Besides, Tom had always been good at spotting when Rachel needed support. However weird things were between them, she knew that he’d sense her distress – that he’d care whether or not she was okay. If she told him what had happened, the likelihood was that Tom would listen calmly and offer her advice if she asked for it – and she trusted him not to take sides or talk down to her.
Anna had tried to call Rachel three times since she’d left her on the street outside Tempo, but Rachel had ignored her phone and, in the end, turned it off altogether. She couldn’t face another argument, and she wasn’t anywhere near ready to forgive Anna for the things she’d already said.
As Rachel stood in the ladies’ toilets of a small cafe near Bounds Green Tube station, she asked herself how on earth they’d ended up here. She and Anna had been friends for almost half their lives and they’d never fought like this. She wasn’t ready, yet, to ask herself how much truth there’d been in Anna’s angry onslaught.
Instead, she concentrated on damage limitation; de-blotching her face with an emergency concealer stick she’d bought from a pharmacy, removing all traces of this morning’s mascara and drinking a takeaway cup of herbal tea in the hope that it would steady her nerves. Once she looked like she could pass for human again, Rachel glanced at her watch. Time to head back into town.
This afternoon’s photo shoot was happening at a studio just off Marylebone High Street, and it would take the best part of an hour to get there from here. Rachel tried to read on the Tube, but the effort was wasted. She couldn’t concentrate, and in any case her book was about two best friends taking a redemptive, life-changing trip across America.Pah.
Rachel got off the Underground at Baker Street, then made the short journey into Marylebone on foot. She looked at the scrap of paper she’d hurriedly scribbled the studio address on, satisfied herself that she was in the right place and then examined the cluster of doorbells next to a four-storey townhouse with a shiny blue front door. She pushed the one labelledST, then heard a cheerful female voice say, ‘Hello?’
‘Oh. Hi. I hope I’ve got the right place. This is Rachel. I’m looking for Tom Evans.’
‘You’ve got the right place! He’s in the bathroom, I think. Come on up – second floor. This is Sophie, by the way.’
Rachel heard a buzz, then a thump that meant the front door was unlocked. She pushed it open, let it slam behind her and climbed the stairs to the studio.
