‘Ed was still figuring himself out then,’ Joe went on, ‘and I was basically a mess. D’you remember I came back to the village from uni, the day you all got your A level results? I didn’tstay,but I wanted to be there just in case.’
He didn’t say ‘in case Jude didn’t get his grades and Mum lost her shit’, but it was heavily implied. Hannah felt that glow of love for him again – for how hard he’d worked to stay close to his brother, to take care of him, in unbelievably difficult circumstances. It was what she’d have done in his place.
‘A level results day? Yes, I remember it,’ she said with a snort. ‘I have tried to forget, though. I didn’t do great.’
‘And yet, you did,’ Joe said, arch as ever, meaning her business rather than her exam results. ‘Anyway. I saw Ed only briefly – he went off somewhere with his friends. But I remember thinking he was the most beautiful boy – young man? – I’d ever seen. I already knew he was open, funny, good-hearted .?.?. so lovely it almosthurt, as well as insanely handsome.’
‘You know he had the biggest crush on you at that point, right?’ Hannah said, incredulous. ‘He’d have fallen at your feet.’
‘You’re missing the point.’ Joe shook his head. ‘I wasn’t worthy of him then. I hadn’t “done the work”, as people in my line sometimes say. I needed to sort through my own shit so I could make sure I never put it on anybody else. The timing wasn’t right.’
‘I still don’t know what you mean,’ Hannah said. They were almost back at the inn now, and she wanted to understand.
‘I mean that he’s changed, Hannah. He’s made sense of some pretty important stuff, lately. You have, too, based on what I just overheard.’ They were no longer talking about Ed, or Joe’s historic mooning over him, she realised.
‘I don’t think—’ Hannah started to protest, but Joe stopped her.
‘When I met Ed again as an adult – bumped into him in a tiki bar holding a rum cocktail the size of his own head – I took my chance. No way was I letting him go. He probably hasn’t told you this, but he was on a first date with some guy he’d met on an app. I third-wheeled until the other bloke stomped off in a huff. Then I took Ed out for dinner.’
‘Oh my god,’ Hannah groaned. ‘That issoobnoxious it sounds made up, but I one hundred per cent believe you.’
Joe smirked, then turned serious again. ‘I know Jude did some stupid things when you were together, but I’m willing to bet you made mistakes, too. It was the wrong time, not the wrong relationship. And if you’re both willing to try, you might still put it right.’
Hannah opened her mouth, not sure whether she intended to argue or agree with him. They were back at the White Rose, and Jude and Ed were standing a little way off, gesturing wildly at her to hurry up from the doorway of the inn.
‘To beentirelyclear,’ Joe said, ‘these past few months have been your tiki bar moment, Hannah, and lord knows I’ve done my bit to spin it out. But it’s almost over, and it’s up to you, now – so slay your demons. Shoot your shot. Bully the other guy out of the bar, if you have to.’
He leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. ‘I saynow,’ he muttered, correcting himself. ‘I mean after the wedding. You have .?.?.’ he glanced at his wrist, ‘about forty-five minutes until you need to make your way to the manor.’
‘Marvellous,’ Hannah sighed mournfully, already making peace with the fact that there wouldn’t be time for the updo she’d envisaged. ‘I’ll see you there.’
30
After the wedding ceremony, Jude felt a strange kind of tiredness sweep over him – the sort of exhausted relief he’d usually associate with getting off an intercontinental flight. It was an adrenaline comedown; the effect of realising, after the chaotic search for Ed earlier this afternoon, that everything was all right. He and Joe were married, and they both looked overjoyed.
Champagne and canapés were being served in the courtyard, and there’d be a two-hour break for mingling and photographs before the wedding breakfast in the carriage house. Jude helped himself to a flute of something he knew would be both expensive and delicious, hoping it would chase away the last of his anxiety.
He sipped from his glass, then coughed on the fizz as Hannah appeared from behind a massive stone urn. He’d looked at her plenty already today, but his heart still stuttered at the sight of her. She had never looked more lovely.
She’d been openly annoyed that she hadn’t managed to fit in the elaborate hair and makeup routine she’d intended for today, but there was no need for her to feel self-conscious. She stood out in all the right ways, as far as hewas concerned – and her almost bare-faced beauty, paired with the light waves in her hair and the dress that had been custom-made for her body, was nothing short of captivating.
‘Can I talk to you?’ she said, and the question was so unexpected that Jude felt his grip on his glass tighten dangerously. He forced his fingers to relax before it cracked. Hannah had been so desperate to avoid The Big Talk that he couldn’t believe she’d want to have itnow, with their brothers’ big day still in progress. Was this going to be some sort of letdown? A ‘thanks, but no thanks’ after what he’d said to her, via his talk with Ed, at the rugby club? He felt sure she’d understood him.
‘OK,’ he said, unable to think of an excuse for saying no. He felt like his stomach was somewhere in the region of his dress shoes.
Hannah led him away from the wedding melee, back towards the spot they’d sat in two months ago, on the day they’d first come here. Somewhat restricted by her outfit today, Hannah couldn’t flop down on the grass like she had last time. Instead, she found a nearby bench to perch on. Jude settled next to her, but made sure to give her space. If she was going to share things she’d find difficult to say, and that he wouldn’t want to hear, he didn’t want to crowd her.
She took a deep drink from the champagne flute she was holding, then said, ‘I have no idea where to start, and we’ve beenso rubbishat having proper conversations over the past four years .?.?. It strikes me that I might as well begin at the end. So.’ She lifted her glass to her lips again. Drained it and put it aside, then said: ‘Please don’t go back to Australia. Please don’t leave me again. I love you. I’minlove with you, and I want you to stay. I’m asking you to stay.’
Jude felt his mouth drop open. Felt his mostly empty glass slide out of his grip and then heard it land, with a dull thud, on the ground between his feet. He was stunned. This was the most effusive Hannah had ever been. Even in the six months they’d spent together, she’d guarded the words ‘I love you’ like a dragon protecting its hoard – like she was determined not to let them slip out too often because each time she set them loose, they cost her something.
Actually, it seemed they were costing her something right now; she was practically hyperventilating, and had doubled over as far as her dress would allow. She’d buried her head in her hands, like she was frightened to look at him.
‘Hannah,’ he said, taking both of her hands in one of his, then lifting her face with the other so he could see her properly. ‘I’m not going back. I’d already decided that. My life is here .?.?.you’rehere. Nothing in the world could take me from you, if you want me to stay. I’m yours. I’vealwaysbeen yours – from the very first day.’
‘Are you sure?’ she asked. Tears spilled from her sea-green eyes, and she swiped them away with trembling fingers.
‘I’m more sure of you than I am of anything. I could more easily believe two plus two was eighty-seven than acceptI’m not meant to be with you. I thought you knew that, even then.’
