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Her words spilled out in a heartfelt rush. “I miss you. I realized I let myself be ruled by fear, and I’m angry at myself about that. And most of all I have feelings for you that are beyond friendship.”
Jesse swallowed so thickly his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. “I have feelings for you, too, Tara. But nothing’s changed.”
His words both lifted her up and threatened to crash her to earth again. “Everything’s changed.”
“Like what?” he said, suddenly raking at his hair.
“Like I have feelings for you. And I’d like the opportunity to explore them with you. To see where we can go. I don’t want to let fear and anxiety rule the rest of my life. But I do want you.”
He frowned, and it made her stomach drop to the floor. “The thing is, Tara, I’ve had the chance to do a lot of thinking these past two weeks, every bit of which adds up to one thing—you were right.”
“But, Jesse—”
“This bridge inspection…” He shook his head as if he were gathering the word-bricks to build his wall even higher. “Jesus, Tara, you were right. I don’t look at you the same way I look at the others. I can’t. Because having feelings for you means that my head knows you’re as good as anybody else on the team, but my fucking heart hurt for you knowing what this job was putting you through. But I couldn’t let you know that, because I didn’t want to make it worse.”
That was why he’d been so distant? Because he was worried to show that he cared? Cautious hope rose in her chest. “But we did our jobs, just like you said. And I beat my fear of this stupid project.”
“You did. And I was really fucking proud of you. But that doesn’t change the basic premise of the problem you laid out. Nothing’s changed.”
She laid a hand to her chest. “I’ve changed.”
His eyes were so sad that she felt his pain. “I haven’t.”
“Are you saying this because you think you’re not worth me fighting for? Because you are, Jesse, you are worth fighting for. To me,” she said around a sudden tightness in her throat.
He ignored her question. “I’m saying this because it’s true.”
Her stomach tossed. Her hands got shaky. Her chest tightened. She knew what these signs meant—something was scaring her. Badly. And it made her desperate to put an end to her fear. “Then I’ll…I’ll look for another job.”
Jesse pushed off his Jeep and came right at her, a storm of emotion rolling across his face. “No fucking way.”
Tara held her ground. “Why not?”
He nailed her with a stare. “Because you’ll regret it. And then someday you’ll resent me. And I’m not worth it—that much you’ll have to take my word for.”
“I don’t believe you, Jesse. I don’t know why you feel that way. But you’ll never convince me.”
On a sigh, he planted his hands on his hips. “Tara…”
She shook her head, mentally pushing
away every one of his arguments, because they all added up to an outcome she no longer wanted. Them, apart. “But what about us?”
Jesse’s expression softened, and he stroked his knuckles down her cheek. He gave her a small, sad smile. “We’ll always have Paris.”
Sudden hot tears spilled from her eyes. He’d just slid the sweetest knife right into her heart. But if he said Rick’s here’s looking at you, kid line, she was going to legit sob. “Don’t quote Casablanca to me now.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, catching her tears with his thumb. “About all of it.”
Tara turned away and wiped at her face. But the stupid tears wouldn’t stop spilling, as if they were the only way her heart could release the pressure squeezing it inside her chest.
Big hands settled on her shoulders from behind. Jesse kissed the top of her head. “Do you want me to drive your car over to your place for you?”
Her breath caught. She turned in his embrace, but he dropped his hands to his sides. “But…” She didn’t know what she’d been about to say, just that she didn’t want this to be the end. Finally, she shook her head. “No, I can manage getting home.”
“Okay.”
The only thing Tara knew in that moment was that she couldn’t watch him walk away. So she got in her car and left him standing there.
