My brothers, who came after us girls, know better than to play that shit and were raised to defend us with their last breath, so there was no room for jealousy on their part. There are five of us; like I said, Annabelle is the oldest at twenty-five, then me at twenty-four, almost twenty-five, and then there’s Hunter and Blade, the twins who are twenty-two, and the baby, Zade, who’s about to graduate from high school.
It's a bit embarrassing when you become an adult and realize that the ages of you and your siblings pretty much mean that your parents were freaks. What were? They still are, but I’m not touching that shit with a ten-foot lightsaber. Gross!
Anyhow, I’m rambling in my thoughts because I’m afraid of what is waiting for me back at the family estate. As much as I despise Dale for being an ass, I don’t want his death on my conscience or his blood on my family’s hands. To some, that may seem a bit exaggerated, but with this bunch, there’s no telling. I’ve heard stories.
Dad, Grandpa, and the uncles might be winding down in the eyes of some, but this generation of freaks, aka my siblings, areeven worse if you ask me. I don’t count myself in that bunch; I’m more laid back and understanding.
My weapon of choice is my mind, while these young thugs are still in the Stone Age. Only their clubs are Mac Tens and Damascus Steel. “Dad, why are you being so quiet?” I sat in the back with Mom holding my hand while he drove because neither of them would accept that I was truly fine and did not need monitoring.
If I wanted Dale dead, I would be playing this shit up for all its worth, and he’d disappear by morning for sure. But the fact of the matter is, though I was the one who made the way open wide for those two to cheat behind my back, I have plans on how to repay the disrespect that does not include my family’s brand of vigilante justice.
I fight my wars from behind a computer screen and have been since I found my love for them at the age of nine. That’s why I’m the odd one out in the family. Annabelle helps Mom run the businesses that were passed down to her by Grandpa when she came of age, back when we were kids.
The twins followed in Dad’s footsteps and went into medicine to save the world, which boggles my mind because they’d as soon kill you as look at you, and the baby is set to take over our other grandparents’ crap because the twins weren’t interested.
Me I wanted no part of sitting behind a desk crunching numbers and dealing with corporate wingnuts all day, and neither did the thought of playing in other people’s blood and guts appeal to me, eww. But building something that could spit out facts in seconds makes my little heart sing like a contralto.
Dad hated it at first until he realized that I wasn’t just playing games and flitting my life away, and now he funds all of my endeavors so that I don’t have to use my allowance. Yes, I still get an allowance even though I make bank at my job.
Well, it’s not really an allowance; it’s a trust that was set up before I was even born. When you have five elders, which would be Dad’s parents plus Grandpa and the uncles, fighting to give the most, you make out like a lark. I don’t even know how rich I am and don’t really care because money doesn’t move me. I can say that because I have some; that’s why I give most of that shit away when I find someone worthy.
That’s one of the things Dale hated about me, and one of the reasons my feelings for him started cooling. I didn’t just give a homeless person a meal; I’d get them a room somewhere while finding them a more permanent dwelling if they wanted to go that route.
Some of these people became my friends and were kept in my life because I saw fit to treat them like human beings, but he didn’t see it that way. It dawned on me at some point that here was this prissy bitch who screamed at a papercut who thought he was more deserving of my money than the man or woman who fought in combat to keep me safe and was now on the streets through no fault of their own because their brains were fucked from the shit they saw that no human being should.
That’s when I started to really hate him; I hate selfishness. He didn’t even notice that I was pulling away this last year because I never let on that there was a change. You see, I’m not the arguing type, and my smiles can hide shit not even Grigori Yefimovich could come up with.
“I’m not quiet; I’m concentrating on the road.”
“What?” Oh, I forgot I’d asked him a question since he took so long to answer. “Mom, stop looking at me like that; I said I’m fine, I really am.” I could feel the heat of her gaze on the side of my face.
“That’s the problem, dear.”
“What do you mean?”
Dad looked at us in the rearview mirror and rolled his eyes. “It’s a known fact that when you get like this, there will be blood. We’re trying to contain this thing before you start spilling.”
“How many times do I have to tell you people? I’m not the problem.”
I waited for swift affirmation from these two, but none was forthcoming. I wonder since when my family started seeing me as the problem child?
JESSICA
Since neither of them was talking, at least not to me, I settled back in the soft leather of my Dad’s car and let myself relax. They might not be talking to me, but they were sure sending messages back and forth to each other with those looks of theirs.
That’s something my parents have always been good at: secret communication between just those two. They could be in a room full of people and have a whole conversation that no one else knew even existed. My siblings and I have been hip to it for a while now, though, so they’re not fooling me.
I rolled my eyes when Mom shook her head ever so slightly at whatever it was Dad had just relayed to her through eye movement and looked out at the night sky. It’s been a while since I’ve had a moment like this. A moment just to decompress and enjoy the little things that usually bring me so much joy.
It's hard to find joy in things when your heart is in a battle with itself. You see, when I first found evidence that the Asshole was indeed cheating, I had a lot of emotions, even though I was the one who had pretty much paved the way for it to happen.
At the end of the day, I was being cheated on, which meant someone in this universe thought that I was a chump, fuckingaye! That dog don’t hunt over here. At the same time that my anger was building over the sheer audacity of those two, I had to keep reminding myself that this was what I wanted. I wanted him gone, and I didn’t want to be the one to do it.
You might ask yourself why that is. You see, Dale wears two faces, and pretty much everyone thinks he’s in the running for sainthood. He’s an exemplary son and quasi-son-in-law. He treats me like gold as far as anyone can see, which he did because why would I settle for anything less?
He was very attentive and caring of my needs and wants throughout the relationship until, I guess, his true nature couldn’t take it anymore, and he showed his ass. I guess he got too comfortable. Now, I wouldn’t say all men are like that; my Dad sure isn’t, and neither are my brothers. That is how I knew that he was not the one for me after three years of wasted time and energy.
Anyway, I had to fight myself over what was the right thing to do. Should I stand my ground and fight for the man that I no longer wanted just to save face? Just so that I didn’t lose to the other woman? Or should I just walk away? Neither of those two things worked for me. For one, I didn’t want him any longer. Even if I hadn’t been over the relationship already, the mere fact that he was tempted by someone else was enough for me to be done.
