I thought for sure that’s why she’d called Mom with whatever convoluted story she’d told the other woman that had set her onmy ass. My mother is the most delicate woman I know, but the way she lit into me earlier was anything but.
“Why did you tell my mother that I mistreated you and ran you out of the house?”
“Did I say that?”
“Not in so many words, but that’s what she heard. So, how are you going to fix it?”
“Fix what?”
“Don’t play games with me. First, you ran away, then you hung up on me. You think I’m gonna let you get away with that?”
“Let me? Let me?” I knew that would get under her skin, and I wasn’t even halfway done with her yet.
I waited until she raised the obscene brew to her lips and then leaned in close to whisper in her ear. “About those kids that you’re ready to have and I’m not. I’m ready whenever you are.” I got a face full of coffee for my efforts.
JESSICA
“You still haven’t answered my question. What exactly are you doing here across from your ex’s office?”
“Who says? There are lots of buildings on this block. Maybe I just like the coffee here…hey, wait a minute, how do you know where Dale works?”
This whole thing feels strange. The kind of strange that makes my heart race with panic and my head split trying to figure it out. “You want the truth, or you want something that’s going to make you sleep easy at night?”
“What the hell kinda question is that?”
Why is this ice block trying to make himself sound so mysterious? “Fine, I know everything about you, everything you’ve done, everyone you’ve seen, every place you’ve been since… since that night.” I think the blood drained not just from my head but from my whole body.
I could do nothing, say nothing, but sit there and gape at him as if he’d grown an extra head. I shook my own to clear it a little, then looked at him again. He wasn’t lying; he was serious. I swallowed hard, but my throat was dry and empty. I tried to speak, but somehow I seem to have lost the ability to form meaningful words.
“You…”
“Don’t cry!” I didn’t know that I was until his big hand wiped the wetness off my cheeks and stayed there. Then even more fell onto his hand, and he pulled me up from the stool I sat on and onto his lap.
It was embarrassing, but at least the place wasn’t crowded, since most of their customers were already at work at the many businesses in the area. He pulled my head down onto his chest and held it there. It was the steady thump-thump beating of his heart that soothed and calmed me.
I got caught up listening to it and lost myself there for a while until his voice jarred me back to the moment. “Are you okay now, sweetheart?” I almost broke my neck pulling away from him, and he didn’t stop me when I slid back onto my stool.
“I’m fine!” My voice sounded like a three-pack-a-day smoker, so I had to clear it again and again to get it right. I kept my head down so he wouldn’t see the look of confusion, hurt and hope in my eyes. “Why do you…?”
“Why do you think, Jessica?” I shook my head again, still not grasping the implication of his words but wanting them to mean something, anything, that would make up for the hurt I’ve felt all these years. Does he even understand how important it is for me to find some kind of solace, some way to forgive him for what he did that night?
I’ve realized that I still love him, sure, and maybe I always will. But I’ve gone these past few years without him and could pull it off for the rest of my life. Loving him is not a past for him to hurt me. Hell if I’m going to subject myself to that kind of pain again.
“I’ll never be able to make it up to you for what I said that night. That was your first time, not only that, I knew how you felt because you were brave enough to tell me, braver than me. I let my own fear control me and took it out on you. I’ve not been ableto forgive myself for the way I treated you that night. It’s one of the biggest regrets of my life.”
Better, no excuses, just plain truth. But was it enough? He wasn’t done, it seemed, so I kept my mouth shut as my hands gripped my thighs almost painfully as I waited for the words to fall from his lips.
“I knew even then that you were mine, that I could never let you go, not forever, so I kept tabs on you.”
“You were spying on me.”
“Not spying really, just making sure my woman was safe.” The audacity.
“Your woman? Hah!”
“Yes, mine!” My head went even lower to hide the secret smile that had formed on my face. And then a thought hit me. “What if I had really fallen in love with someone else? What if Dale and I had gotten married?”
“I’d never let that happen.” The sharpness in his voice made me look up quickly, and when I swallowed, this time my throat was no longer as dry.
