Tasha
My head is spinningas I stand in the kitchen with my girls. I’ve been sharing with them what Sammy shared with me and LaSalle, trying to wrap my head around it. LaSalle and I agreed we want our circle to have at least the basics to help Sammy cope when they’re around him.
Some of the women are with the kids, helping with the party while we’re all in here. Val, Pam, Dean, DJ, and Roni are here as I talk out loud to myself while I sort through my feelings. I trust them all.
“Wow, that’s a lot,” Roni breathes as I take a pause in my thoughts.
I hate this. I don’t know how to feel about any of it. It’s like our world is hell-bent on taking my baby’s innocence from him.
However, as Sammy’s words play in my head, I don’t hear the innocent child I’ve come to know and love. I hear LaSalle’s son.
They will come for what’s mine and I will show them who I am.
I rub the back of my neck and sigh. I’m still trying to wrap my head around all the things Sammy has told us about his gift. Val is sitting across from me with her mouth hanging open.
“Let me get this straight. He’s always in the past, present, and future?”
“Yes, for the most part. He says it’s like watching movies of everyone’s life. Only he can change the channel to see alternate outcomes if he wants, but he’s also in his body living in the moment.
“Really important things pull his focus. Those seem to be the times when he can’t give us his focus,” I reply, not believing or understanding how any of my words are possible even as they come out of my own mouth.
“Do you even understand the type of badass motherfucker he’s going to be?” Dean says. “My uncle would have loved to be his mentor.”
I snort. I have always known Sammy is going to be no joke when he’s a grown man. I already see my husband in him.
Dean is only speaking my own thoughts at the moment, or should I say, Danika. It’s funny how we all know her real name but continue to use Dean to cover her real identity.
It just goes to show how close we all are and how deep our world runs. Everyone has an understanding of who we are and the levels to this.
Some things are just an unspoken fact. Camille and Paige have told me time and again that they know Ellen would never have been able to fill the shoes I now stand in. From the time I spent with her, I know they’re telling the truth.
I shake my head at Dean. “I’m still processing. I will tell you this though I will walk a motherfucker down over my children.
“Play with me if you want. Especially when it comes to that boy. However, I know this time I’m going to have to back off and just be his support.
“I think that’s what I’m struggling with most. To know someone plans to come for him but to not be proactive to take their fucking heads off is killing me.
“I want to dig for answers so bad and make sure he’s never soaked in blood like he says he will be,” I say as tears burn my eyes.
The protective mother in me is struggling with this. I’m ready for war over mine. Then there is the therapist in me who wants to hand my son all the tools he needs to be independent so he can become his own man someday.
“Girl, if this is what he has to do, he will be ready. There isn’t nann one of us in that baby’s life who’s going to leave him unprepared. Let them come. My nephew will paint the walls with their blood and stand on their bones,” Dean says as if in promise.
“Facts,” Val sings. “And I’ll teach him how to make a wallet out of their skin.”
I point at her. “I’m going to have a talk with you, Misha, and your little family of psychos. I’m drawing the line with the souvenirs.”
“You can’t be serious. You do know your husband is a collector and has gilded boxes made for his collection,” Roni deadpans.
“Like, the man sends people pieces of their family members as warnings,” Val says.
“I’m going to talk to him too. God, what’s wrong with you people?” I groan while trying to hide my smile.
“Whatever,” Roni, Val, and Dean say in unison.
“I’m here for whatever he needs. You know Mum is down to teach him. He should train with all of us,” DJ says.
I look at the women I’ve come to know as my sisters. I know they all would go to war for Sammy just as I would. That’s something I know LaSalle and I will never have to worry about.
