“You are back,” I say.
“Yes, I have so much I want to share with you. We should get started.”
“You still want to train with me?”
“Of course, why would I not? You are the best-equipped individual to understand many of my needs. You are a great teacher, and you help me when I’m overwhelmed because you know what it’s like.
“I hope you will be one of my trainers for a very long time. I have seen that you will be. You are one of my greatest assets. I have also missed you very much,” he says.
I smile. “I have missed you too. Let’s begin.”
“By the way, I will start to text ahead of time. I think I understand why Dad wants me to. You two were very loud when I arrived.”
I palm my forehead. We didn’t even know he was here. Heck, we didn’t know he was back.
CHAPTER 26
Heartbroken
Tasha
A month later …
I managedto put on a pair of jeans, a T-shirt, and a pair of black ballet flats from one of Val’s collections inspired by Sim. I love these shoes. They are so comfortable.
Comfort is what I need today. The girls are supposed to be coming over: Reese, Val, Paige, Pam, Cam, Dean, Vega, Lovie, and my sister Brenda. I know why they’re coming. Today would have been Lucia’s first birthday, but my baby girl isn’t here.
I’ve been moving on autopilot as I get ready. Sammy hugged me tightly this morning. Then he whispered in my ear.
“It will be okay, Mo-mo. Someday this won’t be this way. Feel however you want to feel.”
His words have stuck with me since. LaSalle has taken the rest of the kids out for the day to give me time to myself. We haveplans to do a little candlelight vigil together this evening around the hour she was born.
When Val called and said they were on the way, I had a feeling my husband had called in the cavalry. I didn’t miss the look on his face after something Sammy said to him that I couldn’t hear.
To be honest, I don’t know how to feel. We never got any real answers about how we lost her, just a bunch of words that didn’t make sense. LaSalle looked as lost as I felt.
My father- and mother-in-law did their best to step in for us, but in the end, we walked away without our baby girl or answers that made any of it make sense.
I was so devastated, I didn’t know how to ask or get out anything I was feeling. This was something I wasn’t ready for. Sammy and I slept on the floor in Lucia’s room for a full week.
He was so agitated by the end of the week LaSalle put an end to that. He seemed like he was too lost to deal with us both, so I pulled it together to help him get Sammy to stay out of Lucia’s room.
I haven’t been back inside since. Placing my hand on the doorknob, I take in a deep breath. Then I push the door in and walk into what would have been her room and run my fingertips along the wallpaper border on the walls.
“Breathe, Tasha, breathe,” I murmur to myself.
Excited to have another girl, I had the border custom-made. Cute little hearts and stars with her name printed repeatedly run around the room. Her crab sits over in one corner with the custom mobile I had designed for her.
Pink-and-purple frosted crystal stars and hearts hang from the shimmering threads. The sunlight from outside dances against it, sending bursts of pink and purple light across the walls. I can’t help wondering if she would have loved this room as much as I did once it was finished.
I move around the room, touching her little things she never got to use. I get to her closet and slide the door back to look inside. My heart aches as I see the little tutu LaSalle had made for her.
He was so proud the day he brought it home to me. I still remember the smile on his handsome face. Lifting the little hanger from the rod, I blink back tears.
It’s all too much at once. I release the scream that’s building up in my chest. It’s like something is trying to crawl its way out of me.
One minute I’m holding the little skirt, the next I’ve torn this room up. I stand looking around at the destruction with my chest heaving, not knowing what possessed me to do it. Wrapping my arms around my middle, I shake my head to clear it.
