“Do you mind?” Silas answers.
“Of course,” Niamh touches my arm gently as she heads out, her cheery voice sounding a moment later as she gets the kids to stop bickering with each other.
“Are you babysitting?” I ask.
A smile makes his lips twitch; it’s not a full smile by any means, just a slight tilt of his mouth, but it’s enough to have the corners of his eyes creasing.
“No, they’re mine.”
My eyes bug out, “Yours?”
“Rosie and Caleb,” he leans on the door frame and slides his hands into the pockets of his jeans, “Caleb is eight, almost nine, Rosie’s five.”
“Shit, Silas,” I rush out, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know! I wouldn’t have come if I had known!”
“Easy,” he soothes, “It’s okay.”
“What!?” I squeak. I didn’t even think about the fact that he could possibly have a whole family here! This was so fucking selfish of me. I should have thought about it more and made a better plan! “How is this okay? God, your wife must be furious.”
“There is no wife, Juni. It’s just me and them.”
“Oh.” That stops my train of thought.
“It’s a lot for you right now,” he remains in the doorway, keeping at least six feet between us. Every line of his body is relaxed, which helps ease the anxiety rising inside of me. I study his breathing for a moment, capture it and match it, allowing my own to slow to his steady pace. “Take as much time as you want to. There’s food in the fridge, coffee and tea. I asked Niamh if she had some things for you, but when you’re ready, we can go into town.”
“I don’t have any money, Silas,” I meet his whiskey eyes.
“I will pay for it.”
“No,” the word rushes from me. “No, you can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“You’ve already done enough, Silas,” I shift on my feet. “All of this is enough. I don’t want your money, too.”
His eyes search my face. “I know you don’t. We can just figure this out as we go along. How does that sound?”
“I promise I won’t stay long,” I tell him. “I just need to find my feet.”
“My offer remains, Juni. You can stay here as long as you need.”
When I say nothing, he releases a breath and pushes to stand, turning to head back to his children. “There’s fresh coffee out here, and somebreakfast if you’re hungry, or I can bring you something if you’d like.”
“Can I get dressed?” I ask him out of habit, waiting for permission to be able to get ready for the day. Cal liked to pick my outfits, which is why I had to ask so he could come select the items of clothing. It was always jeans and blouses, even in the height of summer, but he preferred I didn’t show too much skin. It didn’t matter that the jeans were practically painted on.
“Juni,” he frowns, “You don’t have to ask.”
“Right,” I shake my head. “Of course.”
“Take your time,” he says again. “If you want to shower, the bathroom is through this door.” He points to the door opposite this bedroom, “Just go through and you’ll find it on the left. There’s a toothbrush in there and Niamh grabbed some things you might need before she came over.”
“Okay,” I breathe, “Thank you.”
He nods and pulls the door closed, giving me some privacy.
For a long time, I remain standing in the middle of the room. The bed is a mess from last night’s sleep, and now with all the clothes spread out across it, but it’s cozy. The walls are an off-white color, but all the furniture is made of oak, and above the bed is a framed picture of the mountains. A plush rug is at the end of the bed, soft under my feet as I walk over it to the windows and pull the curtains open.
My breath gets lodged in my throat as I take in the ranch now that it’s in the light.
