I have never been kissed the way Silas is kissing me.
His thumb sweeps across my cheekbone, and with one more gentle brush of his tongue, he pulls away. And this time, he climbs off the bed of the truck, leaving me here with his two sleeping children.
I drop my head, trying to steady my breathing, wanting to follow him but knowing I can’t. Maybe kissing him was a mistake, but it’s a mistake I’ll keep making. The way he makes me feel is different and more, and it leaves me wanting something I’m not sure I can ever have.
He reaches out a hand to me, helping me off the truck, and I wait while he gathers up his children, gently placing them into the back so we can drive back to the house.
The ride down the mountain is quiet, the trees passing by beyond the window, where pockets of moonlight brighten the thick shadows. My hands are in my lap while Silas’s are wrapped tightly around the wheel. Tension fizzles in the air, questions that’llremain unanswered, wants and needs that won’t be met.
When we finally make it back to the house, I hover in the living room while he puts both Rosie and Caleb to bed, only taking a few minutes since they’re both still out for the count and then he comes to a stop in front of me, his hands sliding into the pockets of his jeans.
Meeting his eyes, I stare up at him, unsure what to say or what to do.
When I don’t think he’s going to do anything, he reaches for a tendril of hair and tucks it behind my ear. “I might have gone crazy if I didn’t find out what you tasted like.” He whispers it so low that I almost don’t catch it.
“What did I taste like?”
“Like sunshine and honey,” he chuckles. “Intoxicating.”
His thumb presses into my bottom lip before he drops his hand and steps away from me, the absence of his touch leaving me cold.
“You should go to bed,” he clears his throat and steps around me, reaching into the cupboard for a glass.
“Okay,” my voice feels tight, his dismissal like a punch, “Good night, Silas.”
“Night Honeybee.” The words are spoken gently, but he doesn’t look at me again, and his shouldersare hiked high, his spine straight. Tension is brimming in his entire body. It isn’t hard to realize he’s regretting it already.
To save myself the humiliation, I flee to my bedroom, clicking the door closed behind me.
I don’t know why my eyes go hot with tears or my throat closes up around a sob, but it does. I don’t bother changing, just slip off my sneakers and pull back the sheets, bringing them up to my chin once I’ve curled up in the middle of the bed that doesn’t smell like him.
My tears drip onto the pillow beneath my face, my breaths coming out shaky as I try to keep my sobs quiet. It’s ridiculous to cry over this. I won’t ever regret kissing him, not when he made me feel more than I ever thought I was capable of, but this is why I knew it was a bad idea. Because I knew I’d want to do it again, I knew I’d want more. For a moment I thought he did too, but then why did he turn his back on me? Why did he dismiss me?
I slip my hand over my mouth to hide my tears, letting them fall until sleep finally drags me down.
Chapter Twenty-two
Sliding down the wall, my head thumps back against it as I listen to her crying through the door. I can tell she’s trying to stifle it so I don’t hear, but I do anyway. And she’s crying because of me.
Because I was fucking selfish and I kissed her.
I kissed her when I knew fucking better and then dismissed her.
My glass of whiskey dangles from my fingers, swinging between my legs where my forearm is resting on my knee. I keep my restraint in check, despite wanting to slam the door open and gather her to me, tell her I’m sorry.
Kissing her just proved that once wouldn’t be enough. I have her taste on my tongue, the feel of her burning my palms. She is like the first hit of a drug, slipping deep into my veins, making me crave more. A high I never want to come down from.
Lifting my glass, I finish the whiskey in one gulp, but not even the burn of the alcohol can wash away the taste of her on my lips.
Honey and sunshine.
I want so much more.
Eventually silence falls beyond the door; either she stopped crying or she cried herself to sleep, but I don’t move. She’d looked so damn pretty under the stars, relaxed and at ease. Happy. She lookedhappy.
I couldn’t have stopped myself from touching her even if I wanted to. Her hair had slipped through my fingers like silk, her skin so damn soft, and when she didn’t tell me no, there was no holding me back. I had needed her kiss more than I needed my next breath.
With a sigh, I push up off the floor, leaving my glass beside her door and lock myself in my bedroom. I’m too wired to sleep, but if I stay outside her room any longer, I’ll go in there. I’ll wake her up so I can kiss her again, take from her again when I can give nothing back.
