Truth is, I’d give the world to Sidney Adams. But she’s always looked at me as her best friend. The man she can depend on, the one who has seen her through it all, and her, me. We’ve been inseparable since high school, and had I not been so worried about losing the only person I have ever cared about, I would have pursued what I’ve always wanted with her.
More.
Everything.
She doesn’t know she saved me.
Pulled me out of a dark place when I was just an angry teen with a chip on his shoulder. I didn’t have themost stable home: a dad who took off when I was just a kid and a mom who was constantly chasing her next high. I had my uncle, but he had his own life to live in another state, so I didn’t see him much. I was an only child, and my days were often lonely, until I bumped into Sidney one afternoon and she made the most adorable little chirping sound.
Without her, I wouldn’t have driven myself to be better, to be more, and I have her to thank for everything that has found me. All my success is because she exists.
The idea of losing her has my heart turning to lead in my chest, so I’ve never gone after what I have truly wanted. I’ll take Sidney any way I can get her, and if that means being her best friend, then so be it.
But maybe there’s a smidge of guilt there too… a kernel that forces me to remain in my place.
“Don’t settle, Sid,” I give her hand a squeeze and reluctantly let her go when the song fades out.
She lets out a long sigh and steps away from me, walking to the couch where she picks up a petal and rubs it between her fingers. “I just want more, Noah.” Her words rush from her as she collapses down onto the couch, head leaning back against the cushions as she watches me move back into the kitchen to finish up dinner for the two of us.
I pull two wineglasses from the cupboard and grab the bottle of vintage I’d left out to air, pouring both of us a glass to set on the table.
“I know you do,” I clear the grit in my throat, something that happens whenever this topic comes up. Eventually she’s going to find the one and there’s going to be nothing I can do about it.
I dish up the food and place her plate in her usual spot, watching her get up to pad her way toward me. She sits with one foot resting on the edge of the seat, her fork stabbing into the noodles I’d prepared.
“Maybe I should just get a couple of cats,” she shovels the food into her mouth, “become the crazy cat lady kids run away from when they see me out sweeping leaves off my porch.”
“You don’t have a porch,” I point out.
“Balcony?” She cocks her head.
“Don’t have one of them either.” No, Sidney lives in a one-bedroom apartment close to her shop. It isn’t big and could use some refurbishment, but it has a view of the park and easy access to her shop, and she loves it.
“That’s right,” she huffs, “just point out all of my shortcomings.”
A laugh rumbles from me, “I have a balcony.”
“Very aware of what you have, Calahan,” she rolls her eyes playfully, “But kids won’t see me sweeping leaves thirty floors in the air. Do you even get leaves up here?”
I think about that and then frown, turning to look at my darkened balcony. “You know what? I have no idea. I’ve never even really looked.”
She plucks up her wine and brings the glass to her nose to inhale the scent before she takes a small sip, groaning when the flavor hits her tongue.
I shift in my seat, molars grinding.
Don’t get a fucking hard on at the table.
It was bad enough seeing her waltzing around in just a towel this morning, water still clinging to her skinfrom her shower. I’d had to hide my reaction to her by strategically placing my hands over my cock while telling myself I couldn’t be jealous of water droplets just because they get to touch her when I can’t. I’ve gotten really good at hiding the way she affects me over the years, and I’d thought it would get easier with time, but no, it’s torture that only gets worse as the years go by.
Sidney is a beautiful woman, all luscious curves and radiant smiles, but it goes deeper than that. I live to hear her laugh and see her smile. She’s soft and strong all at the same time, kind and sweet. She justis,and we’re all just living in her world, or I am at least. I trace her features; her glossy hair falls in waves around her face, and her eyes are a mix of brown and gold, turning molten when the sun hits them just right. A gently sloped nose dotted with freckles and dusty pink lips that remind me of the peonies she named her shop after and the ones I had inked into my chest.
She’s the complete package, wrapped up in a bow but never meant to be mine.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” She stares at me, a little line forming between her brows as she frowns at me.
“You have sauce on your cheek,” I lie, dropping my eyes to my plate.
“Lick it off,” she shoves her face close to me, giving me her cheek.
