Once safely inside, I tear my dress off, letting it fall to the floor in a heap of gold fabric and strip out of my underwear at the same time, leaving a trail to the bathroom where I release my hair from its hold and hit the button for a shower.
It doesn’t count if you cry in the shower. Is it water or is it tears? Who knows… not me. The water is still cold when I climb under it, sinking to the floor so it beats against my back when I pull my knees to my chest and rest my cheek against them.
Right now, I can be sad.
I can let the sting hurt, but tomorrow I’ll face it. I’m not sure what that looks like, but I’m sure it’ll be prettier than this.
Morning arrives and I think I’d rather go back to my pity party for one in the shower. This is why I don’t drink tequila. With a groan, I roll over in bed and hit my phone in hopes it will silence the screech sounding from it. It does no such thing, and it takes me a few seconds to realize it’s not an alarm going off but my doorbell notification.
“Shit,” I hiss, rolling all the way out the bed and land ungraciously on the floor. No idea who it is, but maybe I planned something with Luce that I forgot about. Grabbing my robe, I secure it and yank the door open.
“Miss Adams?” A young guy asks, holding a takeaway coffee and a brown bag.
“Uh, yes.” I already know this is from Noah.
“Here you go,” he hands it over and I close the door behind him, looking inside the bag. The usual food is there, but it’s the folded envelope inside that catches my attention. Placing the bag down, I flip the envelope from back to front, but there is no writing on it, and it isn’t sealed. Looking inside there’s a folded piece of paper and I can see the shadow of ink through it, immediately recognizing the scrawl even when I can’t see it well.
Taking my coffee to the couch, I pull the blanket off the back and tuck it around myself, slipping the paper from the envelope.
Cricket,
For the past hour, I have been staring at this piece of paper, wondering what to say to you, which is insane when words have never been hard when it comes to talking to you. You make life easy and now there’s a real risk I could lose you and I’m all choked up.
I know sorry will never be good enough. I know I broke your trust. Honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking—no, scratch that. I’m not going to make excuses here. I am going to give you the honest truth.
When I went on your cell, I had only one thing on my mind and Iwas jealous. I had no right to be because you were right. You have been nothing but supportive of me, and I did not do the same. I saw myself losing you to him and maybe it was because it was Isaac, or maybe it was something else, but that doesn’t mean what I did was okay.
It wasn’t.
I know that. I knew it then, too. I wanted to come clean with you for months after I did it, but then we happened, and there was finally an us, and I thought that if I did it now that I finally had you, I’d lose you, anyway.
I was a coward and nothing I say, or I do will ever change that.
Watching you walk away from me tonight, seeing you cry because of me—I never want to see that again. I am so damn sorry, Sidney.
I have been in love with you since we were kids. Hell, I was in love with you before I even really understood what the word love meant. It has always been me and you; I never considered an alternative.
Nothing I say will change how I’ve hurt you.
But if you’ll allow it, I would like the chance to make it up to you. To show you what that love looks like, but I’ll understand if you need more time.
Whatever your decision, I will respect it.
And ifnot today, I hope one day, Cricket.
I once told you I didn’t believe in soulmates, that it was a made-up fantasy to make lonely hearts feel better, but that’s not true, is it?
You and me, Sid, it’s written in the stars.
I know it.
Meet me at the address on the bottom of this page at 2 p.m. and do me a favor: bring your old scrapbook. I know you still have it tucked away in the back of that closet.
I hope to see you.
Love, Noah
Chapter Twenty-nine
