A long pause.
"I wish I was stronger for you."
The confession hangs there.
Raw.
Humiliating.
True.
"But I'm trying."
My voice breaks.
"God, I'm trying."
I press my eyes shut.
"Please believe me. This is me trying."
The line is quiet for a long time.
"Okay," he says finally. Barely above a whisper.
"Okay?"
"Yeah." A breath. "Okay, Jamie. I’m trying for you too."
Neither of us says anything for a moment.
"I'm not going anywhere," I say. "I need you to give me a little time to figure out—"
"I know," he says.
"I'm going to figure it out."
"I'm not asking you to be different tomorrow, Jamie. Just don't stop trying."
I believe him when he says he knows.
That's the part that scares me most.
Chapter 50
Rhys
After we hang up I sit on my bed and stare at the wall.
He told me about his dad, everything. I think about young, little Jamie Nash alone in a room being taught that who he was needed to be beaten out of him. I think about that for a long time. He saidI care about you. I don't know how to do that without losing myself.
Not a declaration. Not a promise. Just the realest thing he knows how to say right now, offered up in the dark over the phone because he couldn't say it to my face. I felt it in every word.
Blake is on the couch when I come out of my room.
He looks up.
"How'd it go?" he says.
