"Make me."
"You need to leave," I say very quietly, silently begging him with the defeated look in my eyes.Please stop pushing me.
"I need you to stop pretending."
"I'm not—"
"You're gay?" He says it flat. Right to my face. "That's what this is, right? That's what's freaking you out? And that's fine. You hear me? It's fine. I'm gay, too. The team doesn’t care—"
"Don't." The word comes out like something breaking. "Don't you dare."
"Why not? It's true, right—"
"I'm not." My voice is shaking. I hear it shaking and I hate it. "I don't know what the fuck you think happened, but I am not—"
"Jamie—"
"I'm not." I step into him hard enough that he has to take a step back. "You hear me? I'm not. I am not going to let you stand here and take—"
"Nobody's taking anything from you—"
"You already did." My voice cracks on it and I hate myself for it. "You got in my head and you just — you just kept pushing and now I can't—" I stop. "Just leave it alone. Please. Just fucking leave it."
"I can't just leave it,” he sighs, shoulders lowered.
"Why not?"
"Because you're not okay."
"I'm fine."
"You're not fine—"
"I'm FINE." The word comes out too loud. Too much. I hear it bounce off the walls, so I lower my voice. "I am fine. I have always been fine. This—" I point between us, "—is not fine. This whole thing you're doing right now is not fine. So take your—" I stop. My hands are shaking. I can see them shaking. I can’t stop shaking.
I go cold instead and shove it all down. "Good for you, Callahan. Seriously. Good for fucking you. You figured it out. The whole team knows. Everyone loves you. Nobody cares. Great. But that's not my life. That's not who I am. So go fuck whoever you want, do whatever you want, go fuck yourself for all I care. But leave me out of it."
He stares at me. A vein jumps in his neck. "You think it was easy for me?" The words come out clipped.
"Yes."
"You think—" He laughs. Short and humorless. "You have no idea what I’ve been through to get here."
"I know what I see."
"You see what I let you see. What I want everyone to see." He steps toward me again. Right back in my face. "You think I walked into Harlow like this? You think I always—"
"You are taking something from me."
"I'm trying to—"
"Every time you open your mouth about this you're taking something from me." My voice has gone very quiet. Very dangerous. I can feel where this is going and I can't stop it. I feel the heat rising in my skin, the anger bubbling right at the surface, and I’m so close to blowing up. "You don't get to do that. You don't get to come in here and put words on things and look at me like you know me. You don't know me. You don't know what happens if anyone here finds out. You don't know what I have to lose—"
"So you'd rather blow this up than just—"
"There is no this."
"Jamie—"
