Carla sits up. “You know what you need.”
“What?” I ask cautiously.
She grabs my hand. “A night out. Some fun with us girls to take your mind off things. And I know just the perfect place. There is this party we got invited to in Deadwater Bay, it’s a dress-up party, so even more fun. Shea and I have been working on our costumes, but we have a whole heap more stuff if you want to make something.”
“Yes, you should come. It’s going to be epic. Food, cocktails, good company.” Shea wiggles her eyes brows, trying to entice me.
I consider the two of them for all of five seconds and I already know my answer. “That makes me feel light, so it’s a hell yes.” I grin back at them. This is exactly what I need to take my mind off them and all the shit from the past.
Carla hops up and brushes the sand off with her towel. “Okay, chick, I’ll be over in a few hours to help with your costume.”
“Thanks.” I offer her a smile. “I might head back to my van for a bit as well, catch you guys later.”
They both offer a wave, and we go our separate ways, me with fresh excitement racing through me. It’s been a long time since I’ve attended a party of any kind. Sometimes I feel like my life has aged me and I have forgotten how to have fun, but these two make me feel normal, and I just know tonight will be exactly what the doctor ordered.
Once inside my combi, I flop down onto the bed and pull out my phone. I scroll through my Instagram, well, Elsie’s. I haven’t set up my own account yet. I spent so long making this account exactly what I want it to be, I can’t quite bring myself to get rid of it and start over. I haven’t posted in so long, with being on the run and all that shit, but scrolling still makes me feel connected with that side of me. Elsie’s lifewasn’t perfect, but it was the life I built with my dad. I don’t want it to just be gone.
I scroll back through old photos of the two of us, well, selfies of me as a teen and not much of him because he never wanted to be in any of the photos. I guess now I know why. He was hiding us from something. Or someone. I stare up at the ceiling of the van. “Why didn’t you tell me more, Dad? I don’t want to do this all without you when I have no idea what I’m doing.”
A stupid stray tear rolls down my face. I swipe it away. I know he can’t answer me, but can’t he send me a sign to go off? Right now, I need help, and the only three people with answers are all dead.
When no signs magically appear, I glance back at my phone, hoping I might just stumble across something important. There is an image where I caught the side of his smile. He was so handsome before he got sick. He used to tell me I could be anything I wanted to be. After we moved, I kept to myself and I did well at school, but I never knew what I wanted to do with my life. Making a decision that was forever felt too daunting. Then he got sick and I didn’t even finish my final exams. Without him knowing, I took a job at The Silver Room behind the bar, and that was that. When he asked where I was getting the money from, I lied and told him I got a job working for a local hotel on reception. He declined so quickly his focus became hospital appointments and treatment options.
I run my finger down the side of my phone. I miss him so much. He always knew what to do in any situation. He would know what to do now, but I’m lost. I can’t move on with my life, and I don’t want to go back. Well, a small slither wants me to, but that bitch is my pussy and she’s still wondering what River’s cock would have felt like buried deep inside of me. He was big, would have he hurt in just the right way like Talon did? I’m sure Bodhi and Kasen would have,they give off that kind of energy, and I know I shouldn’t be thinking about any of them like that. But truth is, I can’t stop. There is no denying my attraction to them no matter how much I despise them. Bodhi kissed me like a demon, leaving me wanting more, and River, what he could do with his tongue should be illegal. Fuck, even Kasen’s caveman I-own-you kiss had me wanting to go all in. I’m just that messy right now.
My phone springs to life, and I sit up in a rush, Talon’s name lighting up the screen. What the fuck. I think about him and he starts calling, that’s some weird kind of juju. I haven’t talked to him since I skipped town, and I’m not sure I want to. Things got weird in the end. Lines were crossed that shouldn’t have been. I decline the call and switch my phone to silent, a hot uncomfortable sweat coming over me. Am I as terrible as my mum? I can’t go there.
When I scroll through the missed call register, I see there are calls from him every day since I got here. My phone has been with the boys, so I didn’t realize he was trying to reach me. Should I have answered his call? Now I don’t know. I don’t want to talk to him. In the end I was running away from him as much as the Southern Breakers. Things just got so out of hand with us. He was my therapist and he should have stopped it. I should have stopped it. But neither of us did. Heaviness consumes me, and I finally get what Shea was talking about. No, I definitely should never answer his call again, my gut just answered for me.
I’m not sure why I do it, maybe it’s in search of answers, maybe I just want to understand why they have me all tangled up, but I type Kasen Throne’s name into my Instagram search bar to see what comes up on him. Most of the results are images of the ocean, early morning or standing on a cliff face someplace. There are a few of his hands bound and a gym type background like he’s about to fight someonefor sport. I’m not surprised by them at all, he did always like to fight. There are also a few from his office, but even then, it’s more the view of the ocean from his desk and not really anything much else. I go all hot and clammy when I see the latest photo in the grid. It’smeasleep, tangled up in his sheets just a couple of nights ago, with the caption of “my girl.”
Fresh rage courses through me. What the hell is this shit? He posted it this morning as well, not even when he took it. Like after he decided to kick me out of his mansion. I’m in shock—no, worse than in shock, I’m floored, absolute confusion coursing through me. This is a very obvious “she’s mine” post. Why would he post a photo like this if he let me go?
A little sickness churning through my stomach, I flick off his page and search up Bodhi Slater. His page is dark and moody like him, images of some band playing, other shots of him surfing with River, and a few of a computer game that looks complicated. I’m half relieved not to see anything strange on there. His page is all him.
River’s is mostly images of waves, memorabilia from his trips, or promo type stuff for The Beach Bar. He has lots with friends and more than I want to see of him with other girls, all of them way too hot for my liking. A stupid slither of jealously slips its way under my skin, even though I have no right to be jealous of them at all. But stupidly, maybe I thought he was only flirty with me, and these photos show he’s like that with everyone. There is an image of him and Jayden from two years ago, they have just been in the water and have their arms wrapped around each other. They look happy, but from what River said, I got the impression Jay wasn’t.
I try typing in his name, Jayden Throne, but no page comes up under that name. It’s the same on Facebook. It’s like he doesn’t exist anymore, and I guess maybe that’s the way he wants it. Sadness fills mefor him. He hated his life so much he simply vanished. That’s more fucked up than the three that stayed to carry on the Throne legacy.
Kasen is the only one who felt the need to invade my privacy and post it on social media for all to see. I flick back to his page and see that there are comments on the post as well. One from his sister Rochelle: “cute, who is she?” I roll my eyes. She knows me, I just wasn’t on her radar at school. There is another one from some dude called bro69: “Yeah I’d be sharing if she was in my bed as well.” The post also has over one thousand loves. What the hell is he trying to achieve here?
I need a swim to clear my mind and cool down, this is too much to process. Kasen is too much to process. I grab my towel and keys and run down the beach. I dive under the first wave, the coolness of the water a fresh change to the heat radiating off my skin, even if it stings the fresh cuts on my legs. I swim out to the first break and let my body soak in the refreshing water. This is the only place I feel at peace. The only place I can calm the crazy in my mind, the need to hurt myself to escape my reality. Well, normally, but as the sky turns to peaches and pinks, I find my mind drifting back into panic.
My mum was living a lie with us. Were we all? She was all about protecting the integrity of Deadwater Bay, she wouldn’t have been seen dead with Keller Throne. But she was! Why would she have been shaking hands with a man she made us believe was her mortal enemy? The complete opposite of what she was, a developer who only wanted to destroy our town’s history to make way for progress. It doesn’t make any sense. I know I wanted answers, but now I have more questions and a sinking feeling that this is just the tip of the iceberg. And I also get this strange feeling that Kasen is messing with me as well. Like him letting me go wasn’t as clean-cut as he made it out. Did he put that post up hoping I would stumble on it and come running back or was it more for his thousands of followers to see and knowwho I belong to? An ownership type thing. But if that’s the case, why let me leave at all?
When it’s too dark for me to see properly anymore, I make my way out of the ocean. I wrap my warm towel around my shoulders and head back up the beach. Shea and Carla are waiting for me at my combi when I get back, stupid grins on their faces and a pile of silver bubble wrap, a stapler, and a bottle of tequila in Shea’s hands.
“What on earth is all that for?” I laugh.
“Your costume.” Shea laughs back.
“The theme was anything but clothes,” Carla says, doing a twirl in her newspaper dress. She looks cute as hell, you almost couldn’t tell her dress isn’t made of fabric.
I burst out laughing when I realize Shea is in a blue shower curtain with little umbrellas on it, styled in a Greek goddess type of way. “You want me to wear bubble wrap?”
“Trust me, it’s going to be perfect.”
Chapter 18
