Bryn is shaking her head. 'No. That’s not how it was. I didn't need anything. That's not what this was about.'
'You found her by the river by design,' I mutter. ‘Did you make her want you? Create some need the same as you made her survive in the pits?’
Bryn gasps, her wide eyes finding Locke’s.
'No, Bryn. I didn’t,' Locke says, stepping toward her. 'I wouldn’t! Fuck you, Jak. That's not true.'
I back away, angry and upset. 'You're just like him, you cunt.'
'I'm not,' he snarls, knowing exactly who I’m talking about. 'I am not like Varrik.'
'Varrik would say the same as you, that the ends justify the means. He did anything he wanted, and he never felt a moment's hesitation or guilt. Just. Like. You!’
I lunge forward and shove Locke hard in the chest.
'I killed for him,' I snarl, grabbing his tunic and dragging him close, ‘countless times, and he made me forget what I had done.'
I push myself away. 'I didn't even remember. It wasn’t until years later that some of my memories returned. Even now, I don’t know if I recall everything. I yearn for revenge, but the cunt is long dead. I’ll never have it.’
I haul in a long breath and feel Bryn's tentative hand on my shoulder. She doesn't say anything, but she doesn't need to. I cover her fingers with mine.
'I know,' Locke says quietly.
Morgan looks commiserating.
'What happened?' Bryn asks me quietly.
'Some humans got into the fold where we lived. Our home. I don't know how. I wonder now if perhaps Varrik let them in on purpose. I was young, only a novice healer and I found them wandering. I toldour lord. He laughed and said that I should take care of them, get rid of them. Prove myself. I asked how. He threw a blade at my feet. I was horrified. I was training to be a healer, not a killer.'
I shake my head, covering my eyes with my hand. 'I told him no. And then it was as if I was watching what I was doing from inside my own body, as if my eyes were merely windows. He made me do it. He made mewantto do it. I had a smile on my face. Two males and three females. One was young, a girl, perhaps fifteen. I killed them all. I threw their bodies in the river. Afterward, he was full of pride, like a father, and I was glad because I wanted his esteem, but then, he removed whateverconjure he had on me. I was horrified by what I had done. I told him so. He laughed at me, and said I was as useless to him as a sniveling weakling. Then, he made me forget that any of it had happened.'
My stomach twists, and I fear that I'm going to retch, as I have countless times when I think about those years.
‘And that was just the first time.’
I point at Locke. ‘That is what mages like Varrikand Lockedo,' I hiss. 'They use their conjures to warp and twist you until you don't even know who you are. Bryn, you may be bound to him for now, but you should stay away from him. We all should. He's a fucking millstone around our necks, one that will drag us to our dooms if we let it.'
‘I’m not him,’ Locke whispers.
I snarl and turn away without another word, stalking down the wooded path briskly, ignoring Locke.
I hear Bryn and Morgan come after me. I glance back to see Locke trailing behind them, walking more slowly, as if going to his death.
I glance around. There's no snow here, and it looks to be full spring, with green buds on the trees and flies buzzing in the air. The dappled sunlight that reaches through the trees to the mossy ground is warm.
'Why didn't we have to go to the Dark Realms first?' Morgan asks my back. 'I thought we couldn't go between places in the Light Realm without first leaving it.'
I shrug.
'The Harbinger,' I say, throwing up my hands. 'Dane's magick, perhaps. I didn't ask. There was…an urgency. Lia was adamant that we shouldn't go back to the village, not even to grab supplies.' I glance at my friend. 'There’s something else going on. Something more. With the Underhill, I think.’
I slow my pace. I’ve been thinking the same.
‘Voss being there tonight by the river doesn’t make sense. Calder wants Bryn alive. He truly believes she can lure Fiana out. Why would he have her killed.’
‘Or, perhaps Lia wanting us in Kitore has nothing to do with that,’ Morgan says with a shrug. ‘It could simply be that the Council Five are dragging their feet, as I said, and Lia’s afraid they won’t make a decision in time. She wants to have the best chance of using the intel that we were able to gather.'
'Don’t you mean that Locke was able to gather off Bryn's back?’ I sneer.
