'And are your kin still?—'
'No,' he says harshly. 'I have no kin in the Dark Realms. My fae mother is dead. My orc father was a member of the Horde before it was disbanded. As far as I know. I never knew him.'
'And your mother?' I ask.
'She never told me how she knew him. I was likely the product of force. By the time I was old enough to understand why she could barely look at me when I was small, she was already dead. Some chest malady took her when I was but six or seven winters.'
'And then you lived on the streets,' I guess quietly, remembering what Jak told me in Dead City.
'Not at first. My mother's mother took me in for a bit. I liked her. She was kind, though I mostly took care of her, not the otherway around. Death took her one night in the summer. There was no one left after that. The streets became my home.'
'In the Fifth Circle?' I ask, wondering how he found himself in the Light.
'At the beginning. I ran around with the other children who had no one. We stole, did whatever we could do to survive. And, then as I grew, I became bigger than the others, even the other orclings. It was easier to fight. I made more coin. So, that is what I did for a long time. I moved around, left the Fifth. Found myself in Merediea.'
I nod against his chest, feeling as if I should probably get up now, and yet I still don’t.
He continues speaking. 'When I met Locke, I was a half orc-half fae fighting in the black fights in the White City. I was not…how I am now. I drank too much. I fought too hard. I had no mercy for myself, nor for others. There was little need in my life for anything but the fighting pits.’
‘How did you come to the Light?' I ask.
'Locke. That cunt. He saved my life in some dark alley when I was deep in my cups. Five thieves. They’d got lucky and taken me down. He appeared. I realized later that he’d come through the Breach from the Light close by and happened upon the scene. He killed two. The others ran.'
'But I don’t understand,' I wonder aloud. 'You went with him? Why did it matter to you that he saved you? You were without mercy, you said. Why…'
He lets out a snort that I feel graze the top of my head.
‘It was the right thing. Even I knew that. I started travelling with Locke. I still fought, but by the time I saved his life in return, and we were even, things were different. I was different. So, I stayed on with him. I came here. I learned about my fae roots, and I realized how much more in common I had with them than I did with the orcs I’d known.' He chuckles quietly.‘Though that’s mostly Jak and Locke, not the likes of Calder and Voss.’
He's quiet for a time before he speaks again.
'We didn't leave you, you know,' he says very quietly. 'Jak and I. Locke worked the same conjure on us that he worked on you. I'm sorry that we let him, that we didn't fight harder, that we didn’t realize what he was going to?—'
'He told me,' I say, my voice cutting through his.
I look down at his arms around me. 'But the pits…' I shake my head. 'They were… I wasn't myself there. He made me survive with magick. I wouldn't have, I suppose. I should thank him for that, but I…I killed there to stay alive. I was little more than a beast.'
I fiddle with some loose threads on my sleeve. 'Or, perhaps it wasn't his conjure at all. Perhaps, when it came down to it, that's all I am. Like many of the other humans in the Dark, the ones who've spent their lives there, the ones they say are too broken to live in a place like this.'
'That isn't true, Bryn. You aren't any of those things.' He takes my hand in his.
I don't pull it away this time.
'Aren't I?' I ask. 'I'm not sure.'
Morgan's jaw sets. 'I'll never forgive him for what he's done to you. To us.' His hand squeezes mine. 'Everything in the Dark was real, you know. The time we spent together. The Moon Festival. The inn with Jak.'
I look away from him again, terrified that he'll pull me in, that I'll trust him only to be hurt again.
'Please,' I say quietly. 'Don't.'
He lets out a long breath, his arms around me twitching a little, as if he wants to hold me closer, crush me to him, but can't.
'I'll find a way to prove it to you,' he says very low. 'I will, no matter how long it takes. You will be certain of my regard. Jak's too.'
My eyes flick up into his for a moment. Could his words be true?
I draw in a quick breath and pull away sharply, my chest hurting enough to make me feel lightheaded for a moment. I cover my pained groan with a cough. I’d forgotten about my injuries in his arms. What a power he has over me.
