He stood. Walked around the desk. Took my hands in his.
"It's not like that."
"Then what is it like?"
He was quiet for a long moment. The fire crackled. The clock ticked. I could hear my own breathing, loud and ragged.
"Elena was the love of my life," he said. "I met her when I was twenty. She was eighteen. We were married within a year. She was the first person who ever made me feel like I could be something other than what I was born to be."
His voice cracked. Just slightly, but I heard it.
"When she died, I thought I would die too. I wanted to. But I couldn't. Because I had sons. I had an empire. And I had a promise to keep."
"A promise?"
"I promised her I would find the man who killed her. And I would make him pay."
He looked at me. His eyes were wet, but he wasn't crying. He was too old for that, too hardened.
"You're not bait, Monika. You're not a tool. You're the first person since her death who has made me feel alive."
"Then why are you using me?"
"I'm not using you. I'm protecting you."
"By putting me in danger?"
"By making sure you're never in danger again." He squeezed my hands, his grip fierce. "The Volkovs know about you. They've been watching. They've been waiting. If I'd kept you hidden, they would have found you anyway. This way—this way, I control the situation."
"You control it?"
"Volkov is going to make a move. Soon. He's going to try to take you, to hurt you, to use you against me." He paused. "But he won't succeed. Because I'll be ready."
"Ready for what?"
He didn't answer. He pulled me into his arms, holding me tight.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry, Monika. I should have told you. I should have explained. But I couldn't. I couldn't risk you leaving."
"I wouldn't have left."
"You don't know that."
"I do." I pulled back, looking up at him. "I know I should be angry. I know I should be afraid. But all I feel is... sad. For you. For her. For the life you lost."
He touched my face, his thumb tracing my cheek.
"You're too good for me," he said.
"I know."
He laughed—a broken sound, almost a sob.
"I love you, Monika. I know I've said it before. But I need you to know. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. More than I loved her."
"Don't say that."
"It's true."
