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I can’t sleep our first night there, so I stand on the balcony overlooking the lake. It’s a quiet night with the stars dancing across the still waters like silver beads.
Austin and his friend Tanner are downstairs drinking. They must be on their second case of beer, if not something harder, their laughter rising with the pitch of their voices.
I snicker quietly. I’m not trying to eavesdrop, but it just sorta happens by default when their drunk voices carry.
“Your girl’s hot as hell, man!” Tanner says, clinking a glass bottle against another loudly.
Austin laughs. “She’s fuck-hot in bed, too. You have no idea.”
I grimace, but a tiny part of me flushes with delight.
“So? When are you gonna put a ring on her? You’re graduating, dude. She’ll have you replaced in a heartbeat if you dick around,” Tanner says.
I smile into the night, shaking my head.
Austin can’t possibly be replaced. A part of me hopes the ring is coming soon enough.
Only if it’s his idea, of course.
We’ve talked about our future. He told me he’d stay in town after he graduated, because he doesn’t want anything to come between us. That was the first night we made love.
“It’s not like that,” Austin says quietly.
Oh? I stiffen. What does he mean?
We’d talked about it all the time. He’d propose my senior year, and we’d get married after I graduated.
Tanner coughs, waiting with barely more patience than my own thrumming heart.
My breath stalls. My ears strain, trying not to miss a word.
Tanner chuckles. “What’s it like then, my man? Tell me.”
“Well, I’ve got a badass job lined up with a top real estate firm. I’m thinking it’s time to trade up. I’ve got my eye on the broker’s daughter. She’s hotter than Paige and we’ve been texting for a couple weeks.”
Clapping a hand over my mouth so I don’t give myself away, I choke on darkness and heartache.
I want to die.
The entire starry sky suddenly feels too small, too cramped, too suffocating.
I need to flee.
But I just had the wind knocked out of me. It takes a minute to move, and even then I can’t tear myself away from his quiet assassination.
“Shit. You’re serious, huh? You’ve already met her then?” Tanner asks.
“Sure. She’s our age, but she graduated early. She’s in law school, and she told me she doesn’t date college boys. She said I could talk to her when I had a real job, but you know how it goes.”
Silence.
Tears start cascading down my cheeks.
“Surprise them. Tell them they’re really something special. Fuck them senseless. Move on to the next,” Austin says with a vicious laugh. “Women are so predictable, man.”
“I guess,” Tanner agrees awkwardly. “Straight to the point. But you’re sure about this?”
“Fuck yeah. Her old man owns the brokerage and he’s hiring. Win-win. I’ll have the deal sealed in more ways than one. Give me a couple months.”
Enough.
Somehow, I stagger back into my room and cry until I can’t. I think I fall asleep around five a.m.
I was a fucking placeholder until something—someone—better came along.
A few hours later, Austin nibbles on my neck.
My eyes snap open and hot fury jolts up my spine. My legs move on instinct, crashing a knee straight into his balls as I roll over.
“What the fuck!” he roars, falling out of bed. Still tangled in the sheet, he flashes me an angry look. “Paige?”
“Go call the broker’s daughter,” I snap, locking the door the instant he’s gone.
I pack my crap, rent a car, and drive back to school, swearing I’ll never make my heart a target for cruel little boys again.
It was the last time we ever spoke.
The last night I stupidly let myself believe in love.
Present
He used and abused me.
Placeholder Paige, the girl who was never good enough to marry.
I drown the rest of my tears in another glass of port. Yes, I’m allowing myself a second glass tonight, thank you.
Brina’s right. This is different.
Because boss-zilla and I have no relationship at all outside the office. The infamous museum rescue doesn’t count.
Also, I don’t have feelings for him.
I don’t.
He’s just a hot, complicated man who hits some switch in my head when he barks orders all day and throws me a rare bone or two of kindness.
His cold indifference makes his true feelings crystal clear.
Mark my words, I’m never, ever faking anything with him even if he changes his mind.
I’m not anyone’s pretty little plaything, I send to Brina absentmindedly. Def not Ward Brandt’s.
Brina replies, Umm. I thought Ward shot the idea down?
He did, I text back, grinding my teeth.
Sooo why are we talking about it? You’re rabbit holing, aren’t you?
Staring at her text, a deflated sigh seeps out of me. I don’t respond, just grab the wine bottle.
I’m risking a real hangover tonight for good reason.
I just wish three little glasses could compete with what Ward flipping Brandt does to me.
