Diana sat on the bench beside her. ‘Is something wrong?’
Wrong? Only my entire life, but that’s nothing new.Her family didn’t care. They never had. They all knew that she had refused Peter’s suggestion of Drake marrying her, because when it came to her, there were no secrets. Not like with Diana and Walter.
‘What is it?’ Diana asked. ‘What happened?’
The anger that was still swirling inside her gained strength. ‘Drake is back from Bristol. I told him any business agreement with Peter would include me.’
‘What did he say?’
Meridith stared at her sister, wondering how anyone could be so senseless. ‘Do you honestly think—’ She stopped, because it was clear her sister thought there was nothing wrong with Peter’s suggestion. Meridith could only shake her head. ‘I would think you of all people would understand. Peter forced you to marry Walter, and look how happy you are.’
Diana let out a long sigh. ‘Peter didn’t force me to marry Walter.’
‘Yes, he did. I remember father saying that Peter had found you a good husband.’
‘Peter introduced us,’ Diana said, ‘but Walter and I fell in love and wanted to marry each other.’
Feeling little emotion at hearing her sister’s excuses, Meridith said, ‘Then he changed after you got married and you fell out of love.’
‘We’ve never fallen out of love.’
‘Then why do you live in London while he lives at your country estate?’
Diana fell silent and turned her face away for several moments. Then she gave a long sigh, shook her head, and turned back to face Meridith. ‘Because of you.’
‘Me?’
‘Yes. We all loved Father. He was a good man and provided well for all of us, but he smothered you. After mother died, it was as if all he had left was you, and he was all you had. As soon as Peter was old enough, Father turned everything over to him, so nothing took him away from you. When a tutor caught him showing you the answers to a math problem, he fired the tutor and made you add numbers in your head while playing cards.’
Meridith didn’t remember the firing of a tutor, but she did have to add numbers in her head while playing cards.
‘When your nanny said you needed playmates, he took you to the park, swimming and ice-skating, but he never let you play with the other children. It was like that with everything. The two of you were never apart, and you never really left the house, either. The rest of us were so busy with our own lives, we didn’t see the harm, until he died. You were lost. You wouldn’t do anything. Wouldn’t leave the house. We thought school would help, and it seemed to, but then you returned, and you isolated yourself again.’
‘Everything had changed,’ Meridith justified.
‘I know it had, but you’re young, have your whole life ahead of you. Peter and Alena tried, but they couldn’t get you to engage in anything. Peter was at a loss as to what to do. I agreed to move to London and make you leave the house. To live. We all loveyou, Meridith. You’re our baby sister that we all doted upon, and that little girl had disappeared. We were worried about you, even Walter. He agreed that I should move to London and help. For a few months. But those few months turned into six, then twelve, and now it’s been two years that we’ve been living apart. That’s hard. Walter has to be at Holdenstall to see to the horses, and I have to be here. Peter knows that it has become frustrating for both Walter and I, and has told me to go home, but I can’t. Not while you still need me.’
A mixture of emotions washed over Meridith. She wanted to claim none of that was true, but deep down, a sense told her that all of that could be closer to the truth than she wanted to believe. Yet, she had a need to defend herself. ‘No, you don’t need to be here. I don’t need—’
‘Yes, I do,’ Diana interrupted. ‘Without us pushing you out of the door, you’d be sitting in your room, reading a book right now.’
Meridith thought of Alena, and how she said people only see things through their own eyes. In this instance, she had only seen things from her point of view. ‘That could be true.’
Diana laid an arm around her shoulders. ‘We weren’t trying to be mean to you, but the only other thing you would willing do was play with the children.’
‘I thought you were trying to get rid of me. First by sending me off to school and then trying to marry me off.’
Diana tugged her closer to her side. ‘I know. We all tried to tell you that wasn’t the case, but you were too stubborn to listen.’
‘Because it sounded like an excuse. You are all married with your families and homes, and I, well, I didn’t have anyone. I felt like an extra plate no matter where I was, and I just wanted to belong.’
‘You do belong, and you are much more than an extra plate. You’re our sister, and we love you. We all just want the best for you.’
Meridith had thought there were no more tears for her to shed, but she’d been wrong. They sprang from her eyes as fast as Hugo squirted water, because that was what Drake had said, too. That he wished the best for her.
‘Oh, don’t cry,’ Diana said, pressing their heads together. ‘We’ll get it all worked out.’
‘It can’t work out,’ Meridith said, close to sobbing. It felt as if her heart was breaking for a second time in a matter of hours. ‘I love Drake, and I want to marry him, but I can’t. I can’t ruin the life he loves, and that’s what marriage would do to him.’
