“He loved hard,” Noah continues. “He lived loud. He’d hate the idea of you collapsing your world because his ended.”
My chest aches. “Moving forward feels like leaving him behind.”
Noah shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”
His voice is so certain. I wish I could have that solid certainty.
“I think it means carrying him with you, like your dad said.” Noah continues. “Remembering him. Celebrating the life he did live. Don’t let him be the thing that cages you. He wouldn’t have wanted that.”
I turn to look at Noah.
Grief fills his eyes. Tex was his friend for much longer. They have deeper roots. But here he is, taking care of me.
“You bestow such knowledge, O’ wise one.” A choked laugh escapes me.
Noah grins. “He’d just want you to be happy. Whatever that looks like. Whenever that happens. We all want you to be happy.”
I nod, because I can’t trust my voice.
Noah reaches over, squeezing my knee. “Let me go rescue Luca real quick and I’ll be back.”
I follow his gaze to Luca surrounded by three men. Luca’s expression looks pained, his eyes keep darting around the room like he’s looking for an escape. I give Noah a small smile.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so uncomfortable.”
Noah shakes his head. “He doesn’t handle grief well. He processes things through his sarcasm, but making jokes at a funeral is generally frowned upon.”
5 ALONE
Jace
The Guild lounge is packed, cliques of the elite huddled together in their own pitiful circles. Each “pays their respects” to Tex’s father.
I scoff and roll my eyes. Mr. Ward is soaking up all the attention as if heactuallylost a son. The only thing that pathetic excuse of a man is mourning is the fact that he no longer has an heir to carry on his name.
He doesn’t even participate in the Guild anymore. He sits back, squandering his money and posturing like he still matters. The only reason Mrs. Ward sticks around is for the lifestyle she’s grown accustomed to. She’ll turn a blind eye to her husband’s affairs, as long as he doesn’t bring home another bastard child.
My heart squeezes in my chest as I think of Tex. My brother.
I still remember the night my father brought him to our house. He’s never been a selfless man. Never charitable out of the goodness of his heart. I knew Tex served some purpose, but I never imagined…this.
My eyes land on my father. Holding his own council in the corner. He tilts his head back, laughing at something someone said, one hand in his pocket, the other wrapped around a glass.
It always amazes me how well he can play the role. How well he can charm others. Make people think he cares. My hand squeezes around the glass, then my gaze drifts to her.
She’s curled up on one of the couches by the fireplace. Luca and Noah sit on either side of her. She wraps one hand around a glass she isn’t really drinking from. The other clenched in a fist. I know without a doubt that rock is tucked in her palm.
She’s barely let it go since the moment he put it in her hand.
Tex died because my father decided he was no longer useful. No, he wasmurdered. Reduced down to an expense that no longer served the bottom line.
My mind races with possibilities, things I could’ve said. Should’ve said. The lies I could’ve told. How I didn’t emphasize his importance enough. How I could’ve given him cover, made him sound irreplaceable.
But none of it matters. It wouldn’t have saved him. Gideon has eyes everywhere, and carefully laid plans he has no intention of altering for such a small thing as the life of a friend. Tex was collateral in the war Gideon’s waging against Lucian, a casualty he anticipated and executed. None of us matter if we get in Gideon’s way, not even me.
I watch as Noah and Luca talk with her. She gives them a small smile.
I feel like I’m on the outside looking into her world. I don’t know how to be what she needs. Guilt punches through my chest. I watch as Isobel stands, mumbles something, then she moves toward the lounge doors and slips out onto the patio.
