"I am. Are you going to grace me with your sweet face?" I asked her.
"Always. It's a hot spot for men. All that social media about the bikers and books. I've seen some coming in and I enjoy the eye candy," she said.
"I'm hurt. You're not there to see me?" I teased as I made it to my apartment.
"Silly girl. You know what I mean," she told me in her usual huff.
"I love you, Dolly but I'm at my place. My shower is calling me," I said.
"I love you, too, dear. See you soon," Dolly said before she hung up.
Talking to Taryn and Dolly had eased my nerves enough that my chest loosened up and I almost felt normal again.
On my way up to my apartment, I tucked my phone in my purse after turning it on silent. I needed some me time away from anyone calling and to go through my normal routine. That was the only thing that would keep me sane after all I went through.
The odd night out didn't upset that, but I'd never gone into a heat with them, either. I knew this was just one thing to add to the pile of shit I needed to talk to a therapist about.
I opened the door and breathed in the familiar scent of my place. Just being back here in my little safe space eased the stress. I stepped in and locked the door behind me and turned on my record player, letting the music wash over me.
Singing at the top of my lungs, I headed towards the shower and got my day started off the same way I normally did.
A WEEK LATER
It had been almost a week since my heat. A full week of avoiding my scent-matches and everyone I knew outside of Taryn and Dani.
Even then, my best friends had noticed something was wrong, but they hadn’t pressed me too much. At least not yet.
They weren’t walking around acting like I needed kid gloves, at least. That was a win for me. I don’t think I could take anyone treating me like I was fragile.
I was the first at the store today thanks to another shitty night of sleep. The bell chimed as I pushed open the door, ready to do my usual check-in routine and get the coffee on. It was honestly the only thing helping me keep it together at this point.
After I had a hot mug in hand, I turned to the front computer, booting it up and sorting emails. I’d tried to take over after Dani’s stalkers kept sending threats through and never gave it back when that was handled.
Sorting emails was mind-numbing work but I did it quickly, adding notes in our shared book to make sure anything important was flagged.
It was the usual mix of people asking for book orders or brands wanting to collab for our book box.
What I didn’t expect was to see my twin sister’s name on display, just when I’d gotten myself together and started to feel normal.
This was the last thing that I needed. She was the epitome of toxic and I knew whatever was inside was going to piss me off.
Despite my mind screaming at me to run away, at the end of the day, she was my sister. Though she’d proven to not care about me, I still couldn’t stop worrying about her.
The two of us couldn’t have been further apart. She had a way of expecting the world to bend to her. She was one of those kinds of people that claimed to be unique but really just wanted to stand out and call attention to themselves. We’d never truly gotten along. She’d ruined every achievement and surprise for me without fail. My parents always had some sort of excuse for her because she was the ‘fragile’ one.
Pushing down years of suppressed anger, I finally opened it.
Bea,
I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately. Life has been getting kind of hard, and you were always the strong one. I realize I’ve driven you away, but I’d like to change that. You’re still my sister, and I love you.
I had to hold back an eye roll reading that portion. If she loved me, then she would’ve shown it a long time before now. With her, it was always aboutherand no one else.
She got pregnant in high school and expected everyone else to handle it. I felt terrible that I never connected to my niece, but I had to distance myself or I would have ended up raising her myself. I wasn’t even sure that I ever wanted kids and I wasn’t about to practice with hers.
Taking a deep breath, I forged ahead, wanting to get through this letter so I could put it far behind me. The chances of my sister actually following through with a meeting were less than zero.
I’ve got a new job opportunity, and I’ll be heading there in about two weeks. We should be passing through the area, and I’d love to swing by and see your new bookstore and reconnect. Maybe we could have lunch before I head out? I promise it’ll be a short visit, but I’d love to see my sister.
