Laida: I know. Rusty misses you. He sits by the front door and just stares sometimes. I have to pull him away to do something else. I think he’s expecting you to come in at any moment, so he stays ready.
She was gutting me. Just ripping my heart out and roasting it.
Me: Can I see you?
…
…
…
She kept writing and deleting, then there was nothing. The three dots appeared again, and she replied,I’m slammed right now, backfilling orders. But…maybe… I don’t know. Let me get caught up and then we can talk.
I wanted to ask when that would be and how long but restrained myself. I wondered if she missed me. She saidRustymissed me, but what abouther? It was brutal to wonder. I hated Ethan even more with each passing day for calling Mikaila. That’s what set all the drama in motion. It made Laida feel unsafe and vulnerable. She was blindsided. I didn’t know what to say without letting my heart bleed through the phone, so I just said “Okay. Talk to you soon.”
Chapter 15
Laida
I missed him, and I should’ve told him that, but I didn’t. Instead, I told himmaybewe could see each other. It was ridiculous. The house felt empty. Sure, I had Rusty, but Jesse was a part of that, too. Before the Mikaila incident, when I knew he would be coming over for the day, it excited me and made the days he was away much easier. Then there was my bed, empty, just like everything else. The farm felt incomplete without him. In all honesty,Ifelt incomplete without him.
He ruined me and I was crashing out, not knowing what I was doing or how to deal with these new feelings. That’s what happens when you grow up in a household that doesn’t embrace emotions, and instead, masks them. I was an expert at avoidance. I knew it was time to put my big girl panties on and deal with things head one. That included Jesse.
I grabbed my phone off the counter and called my best friend, Collette. She picked up the phone and yelled, “Hey girl! How’s it going out there?”
“Hey, it’s fine,” I grumbled.
She could tell that something was wrong. “Oh no. What happened? Is the farm ok?”
I laughed sarcastically. “The farm is amazing, thanks toJesse.”
“Come again. Who’s Jesse? You’ve been gone for months, and I haven’t heard a peep from you.”
I sighed. “I know. I’m sorry I haven’t called. When I first moved here, I was working on getting settled into the farm and revamping the apothecary. Then some guy showed up claiming that he’d helped gram with the farm, and he was just checking on things.”
“Is he a creep?”
That made me laugh. “No, the opposite. Turns out he’s amazing, a great kisser, and has a big dick.”
“Laida Sayavong! Rewind, hoe. Whaaaat?”
I went into detail from start to finish about everything that had happened with Jesse. “At first, I just wanted a little space over the incident with his ex. That shook me. I know I need to let it go, but what if it happens again?”
“Girl, so what? What if you find out you’re lactose intolerant? You’re still going to choose violence and enjoy the damn ice cream once in a while because, no, nothing is perfect! You’re not going to go through the rest of your life avoiding drama. You can try, but you’d be giving up a hell of a lot. He clearly cares for you.”
Whining, I said, “Uuugh, I know. I’ve really messed this up.”
“Just text him girl. Go onadate.Y’all have done like one thing outside of the farm. Go to the movies. Something. Freshen it up and give it a second chance.”
“You’re right. Thank you! I knew you’d set me straight.”
***
So, I decided to ask Jesse out on a date. Collette was right. It would be great if we could do something outside of the farm. We’d gone to the Founders Day festival, but that was horrible, just like seeing Mikaila. We were batting 0-2 with the past catching up to Jesse. Time to text:
Me: Hey Firefighter, you there?
He responded so fast that it made my stomach flutter.
