He sighed deeply and fell into his seat, his eyes distant as he processed my words. “Ambermourn has always feared my familiars, feared the reality of what they are. He's convinced I'm going to destroy the world, that I'm some unstable being capable of mass destruction, a ticking time bomb. Then again, if anyone should understand that feeling, it would be you,” he pointed out casually.
I bit my lip against his comment. “I suppose you’re right.”
“When did you speak to him, for real this time. I know you didn't discuss all of this at the Convocation.” He raised his eyebrows to indicate he had caught my lie.
I sunk in my seat in shame, playing with the ice in my cup. “I... I ran into him the other night, when I went to Earth. He told me about a spell in theLiber Silentium,warned me about people who are looking to use the spell against us. He talked like you were going to go off the deep end with the slightest bit of push, and that... that scares me, a lot. Not because I'm scared of your powers, but because I'm scared I won’t be able to pull you back to us, with the way he talked...?” I admitted with pain deep in my voice.
Dad flicked his wary eyes up to me before gently combing hair behind my ear. “Hey, now, don’t think like that. It's... well, it’s true, that if that spell were spoken we’d be in some deep shit, but I haven’t let anyone use that against me before? I have always been extremely careful with my powers and my familiars, hence why I don’t overextend them. I'm fully aware of the harm they can cause, and I would never subject the world to that unjustly.”
“Ambermourn said you gave your soul to them, that you became like them doing so. Does that mean... does that mean you’re part demon?” I breathed cautiously.
Dad sighed through his nose again. “In a way, I suppose I am and am not. I told you, my familiars aren’t really demons, more, archaic beings, but they are beings bound by Gehenna’s law. They do the bidding of dark forces and were made by Endymion as a failsafe if Earth should need one. I still own a good portion of my soul, the part I would need to make it as a Shadow Walker should anything ever happen to me, but that’s all I could ever become. I either be a Shadow Walker or disappear into the depths of Gehenna, sadly.”
I abruptly grabbed his arm and tugged on it hard, scaring him half to death. “What do you mean? That, that if... if you die, you can’t get in Caelum?”
“No, I can’t,” he softly responded.
I huffed on anxious breaths. “Dad... how could you do this to yourself? How could you give up Caelum, give up your existence potentially?”
He smiled gently for me. “Because at the time, my familiars were wreaking havoc on the planet, and someone had to do something to stop them. Trust me, if they have it their way, I would become a being much like them if I died, so that the Four Horsemen continue to exist. They own part of me, so they could make that happen, but they don’t own the part that gives me other options...” He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly, trying to subdue my anxiety, but that wasn’t really working. “I didn’t have as much to think about, to live for, as I did when we first made the contract, so I didn’t consider the downsides. I can’t really go back on my word now, so I have to deal with the consequences.” He perked up abruptly. “On the bright side, I don’t plan on kicking the bucket anytime soon, so it’s not something we really have to worry about.” He blinked in surprise when tears swept down my cheeks. “Nick, why are you crying?”
“Because... if something ever happened to you, I-... I-... If I can’t save you, you'll be gone forever. I can’t ever live without you, I just can't...!” I sobbed brokenly.
He tsked and cuddled me even closer, rubbing my back in small circles as he spoke soothingly, “I know it seems scary, but it would take a lot to kill me...?”
“Says the one convinced I'm going to kill you when we fight!” I wheezed.
Dad ground his teeth. He knew I had backed him into a corner, a corner he couldn’t weasel out of so easily, a corner that was soon to become our reality. “I don’t...?” I shot him a dirty look before he could finish his sentence, that made him snap his mouth closed momentarily. “I, truly, think you can control yourself better than everyone else thinks. You won’t let anything happen to me, right?”
“Not if I can help it,” I rubbed my nose on my sleeve, “but what if I can’t? What if I go too far, lose myself to my own chaos, and I hurt you beyond repair? I won’t ever forgive myself!” I croaked out before becoming hysterical again.
Dad shook his head rapidly. “You can’t think like that, Nick. Everything always works out in the end, and I truly believe this will work itself out, too. I have full faith in you and your ability to control yourself, even more so than ever after all that’s happened since you regained your Shadows. Not to toot my own horn, but I can be pretty badass if I do say so myself!” He puffed his chest out to prove his point.
I trembled in his arms like a leaf. “That’s what scares me, Dad. What if... what if our fight triggers the Four Horsemen?” I breathed, staring straight ahead as reality sunk in.
Dad swallowed nervously as he, too, began to consider what I had been fearing. “I... didn’t think to consider that, honestly...”
I brought a shaking hand up to clutch his shirt. “Dad... how worried should we be about this? About Ambermourn, aboutyour powers? Do you think he’s after theLiber Silentium, so he can trigger this chain-reaction himself? Did he see this unchangeable reality before we did?”
He continued staring past me, his face contorting into unadulterated fear as he considered what I said. “Nick, I... I really don’t know this time. I mean, what does he have to gain by using the spell? We have nothing for him, nothing beyond bad blood...?”
My fear turned to anger. “He asked me about Pandora when we first met. It was the first thing he brought up. What would he want, know, about Pandora?”
Dad's eyes flooded until his iris was swallowed by a sea of pure black. “Did he, now?”
I sunk into his chest and squeezed him in a tight hug, to calm both him and me. “That’s why I was digging up information on him, trying to find connections somewhere, somehow. With Pandora at bay, we should only assume someone is going to try and break her free... but why would Ambermourn want to do that?”
“Maybe I should ask him myself,” Dad hissed.
Chapter six
Beauty in Broken Glass
Nicodemus
TheLiber Silentiumwas engulfed in flames as it sat snuggly on a pedestal in the Fire Realm. Soren let his hand slowly rise from the book, creating a dome over it to add a final layer of protection. The book glimmered underneath the orange flames but sat untouched by the intense heat surrounding it. Once he was satisfied with the barrier, he sighed deeply and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “That should do it. I’ll know the instant someone tampers with this. It’s as protected as possible.”
I let out a quick sigh of relief. “Thanks, Soren. I was really worried about someone getting their hands on this, but since Ambermourn can’t control Fire, I thought this would be the best place for it to stay protected.” I patted his back once, but it was a harsh gesture and made him cough from the force. “Can Constantine get to the book, or is your barrier fool proof? I only worry because if someone tries to convince him that they couldrelease Pandora, I don’t want him to use this against us. I’m not thoroughly convinced of his alliance just yet.”
