“I know what you are doing,” he says calmly. Leaning forward, he rests his forearms on his knees and watches me.
“What are you talking about?” I plant my hands on my hips and glare, temper simmering under the surface.
“You’re trying to pick a fight. You’re angry with Braden and your father, but it’s easier and safer to be mad at me.”
“Fuck you!” I snap. “Stop psychoanalyzing me.” Before I can stop myself, I blurt out the thing that has been troubling me since the moment Braden planted the seed in my head weeks ago. “I’m not broken or your problem to fix.”
“Woah. Where did that come from?” He stands and clasps my arm before I can storm away. “Don’t put words in my mouth. I’ve never said you’re broken or treated you as if I’m trying to fix you. I want to take care of you because that’s what couples do. They look after each other.”
“Like you took care of Lily?” I bite out before I can stop myself.Fuck. What am I doing?
“Enough,” he barks back, stepping away from me. Breathing heavy, he says, “I know you’re hurting and scared, but that’s a fucking low blow. You do not get to use my feelings for Lily, nor my grief and guilt over her death, against me. That’s not fair.”
“You know what’s not fair?” I argue, clenching my hands at my side. “Finding out you are someone’s stand-in. That’s right; I heard you talking to William this morning. What was it he said?” I tap my index finger on my lip, pretending to think. “Same blue eyes. Same long, black hair. Similar mannerisms. Did I miss anything? Sorry you got the dumber version this time.”
“Maybe,” he draws out the word, leaning towards me, “if you hadn’t tried to sneak away, you would have heard what I told him. Jesus, Beck.”
“Did you really expect me to stay and listen to how wonderful she was when we both know I’m severely lacking?” I throw up my hands and storm back into the kitchen.
“Stop putting words in my mouth.” He follows close behind. Circling me, he holds a finger to my face. “But let me get this straight. You listened in on a private conversation. Made falseassumptions. Then faked being sick instead of talking to me. For fuck’s sake.”
Glaring, I bat his finger away and ask, “I need to know. Is that who I am to you?”
“No!” he cries, throwing his hands in the air, pacing in front of me. “Why are you doing this right now? Why are you so insistent on hurting me and pushing me away?”
“Because I’m falling in love with you,” I admit quietly, all the fight leaving my body. “I’m scared, and I’d rather push you away before you realize I’m not good enough, just like everyone else.”
He pauses in front of me, his eyes pleading. “If you’d stuck around and listened to my entire conversation, you would have heard me tell my grandfather that I wish I hadn’t kept you at arm’s length all this time. That I’m happy for the first time in my adult life. There’s no comparison between you two because I never felt love for Lily like I do for you.”
“Is that true?” I whisper, searching his eyes for the truth.
“When have I ever lied to you?” he asks quietly. “You accuse me of comparing you to Lily, but how about you pay attention to how much you compare me with Braden? Or your dad, for that matter.”
“I do not,” I deny, even though I know he’s right.
“Yes, you do.” He takes my hand and smiles sadly. “I understand you’re hurting—really, I do. But I won’t hurt you. And if you push me out of your life, you will take away any chance I have to prove it.”
“What are we doing, Ryan?”
“I’ve been falling in love. What are you doing?”
“I think I’m falling in love too. Why is it so scary?”
“Love isn’t scary.” He pulls me into his arms, resting his chin on top of my head. “Letting go of the hurt from the past is, but it doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, pulling him closer. “I should never have said that about not helping Lily. It wasn’t your fault.”
He places two fingers under my chin and tilts it up. “I know it wasn’t. Now, I do. But that doesn’t mean that you saying that doesn’t upset me.”
“I really am sorry.”
“I know.” He lifts me up by my waist and places me on the island. Stepping between my legs, he raises an eyebrow and asks, “So, you think you’re falling in love with me?”
“Yeah, me and all my baggage.” I lift the corner of my lip and push his hair away from his forehead.
“I have baggage too. Maybe we can help each other carry it.”
“Okay. Was this our first official fight?”
