“Gratitude, Colonel?”
He was thoroughly perplexed, and Charlotte belatedly realised the course of the conversation was on a poor track. It had gone much better in her head when she was in the coach.
“I am sorry, Richard. I am not making sense, am I?”
“You will sooner or later… you always do.”
She studied him, gauging his mood before continuing with her scatterbrained declaration.
“We have a problem… well, actually, we have two opposite problems.”
“Can you be more specific?”
Charlotte drew a deep breath, trying to calm down.
“Perhaps some tea?” he suggested meekly.
The request brought her back to her senses, and probably saved her from saying something intemperate, or at least confusing.
“Yes, that would be lovely. Perhaps while we ask for it, I can apologise to Lady Catherine for being so rude.”
“HAH! You think you can intimidate my aunt. I assure you, it will take more than that to discompose her.”
The jest relieved a bit of the tension, and Charlotte left the room to offer her felicitations.
True to the colonel’s prediction, the lady was more amused than offended and waved off her apologies without a second thought. She did however insist they use the parlour, and sent all the servants away except Salina, who sat in the hallway, far away, and took out her own workbasket.
After the tea ritual was well underway, Charlotte resumed her disrupted speech.
“I have a problem, Colonel! All my life, I just wanted my own home, my own household, and perhaps some children with an honourable man. I thought I would have to take the first one to offer, since I have always been one of the plainest women in the neighbourhood… and please, spare me the platitudes and objections. I grew up next to the elder Bennet sisters. I know what I am.”
The colonel could add nothing that was not likely to earn him another rebuff, so he merely nodded.
“Four months ago, your general made me an offer. It may sound untoward, but it was an honourable offer, good for all involved. He would find me the honourable man I coveted… a colonel or higher, and I could have all I ever wanted. A home, a hearth even if it moved periodically, and a family.”
“It is a good bargain. I could not oppose or censure it.”
“I did not think you would. Then, Mr Darcy took me under his protection, and he thinks I should be something more… the wife of a landowner, a woman of some stature, of consequence in my neighbourhood, and he begs me to allow him the privilege of introducing me to suitable men.”
“An even more enticing offer, and I must say I agree with Darcy.”
“In what way, sir?”
“You deserve more. You deserve everything.”
“You see my problem?”
“Hardly.”
“I have a surfeit of choices, so now I am not happy with any of them. When I had only one choice, I was bound to be satisfied.Now I must choose.”
“You assert the officer might have some advantages over the landowner?” he asked with an unmanly squeak.
“Of course! An officer would never question my time in the hospital. He would esteem me for it. He would not bediscomposed if I wake up in the night from time to time with bad dreams, or remember the anniversary of some past calamity, or stitch up the stable boy when he cuts himself, or keep laudanum on hand at all times. He would understand these things without explanation.”
“It seems the officer is for you.”
“Yes, but I could be so much more. Not to denigrate officers, but I have a strong desire todo somethingmore for my community, and officers’ wives rarely stay in one place long enough to establish deep roots and influence. They might influence the army, but not very much.”
