Without me.
Could I really do it? Could I step further into the water and just let go? Let all these feelings overwhelm me and take
everything from me?
I’d never felt this lost—this stuck in limbo. I thought that by accepting his offer, sealing that deal with a kiss, my fate was
set. I would stand next to him for the rest of my life, happy and hopefully in love.
How wrong was I? How reckless. I was such a fool.
Standing up, I took a few steps towards the open ocean, my breath catching as the cold reached my thighs. Water began to
travel up the skirts of my dress and already I could feel the weight of the fabrics pulling me downwards.
Staring at the sun as she said farewell, I felt a sense of calm wash over my entire body. Even if my heart raced and my teeth
chattered. I knew deep down this would be the best option for everyone.
Nicholas could come up with some lie. Maybe tell my family I was a martyr as I didn’t wish for war. But then how would
he know? I was sure no one followed me as I ran out the door. Which wasn’t surprising as after all, they didn’t owe me
anything. We may have become friends, his sisters and I, but they still did not know the full extent to who I was. I kept most of
myself hidden away, a boundary.
A few more steps.
The water reached just under my breasts.
I knew how to swim but this dress, already partially wet, was beginning to weigh me down.
Taking me down below the waves.
I would not fight either.
I’d let the current take me.
Now up to my neck and I was finding it hard to keep myself afloat.
Here was the moment.
The moment I would stop fighting and let go of it all.
This feeling of worthlessness and loss.
As one final wave overlapped my head, I took a deep breath in and began to sink. The dress helped, pulling me
downwards. My body flung back and forth with the waves, my lungs burned for air, for release until the burning of water
seeped through and everything went dark.
Chapter 53
Memory
ORNELLA & NICHOLAS
