He dragged a hand over his face. He’d been dreading this moment for decades. Knew it would be like hauling himself over hot coals. He couldn’t do this now. He needed Grace in his arms, needed to assure himself she was safe…
But Cassandra raised her gaze to his and what he saw there rooted him to the spot.
“You know I never could wait for surprises,” she said. “When you mentioned this box, before you rode out for Seven Dials, I had to know what was in it.”
She lifted the ragged cloth, running her fingers over what remained of embroidered pansies. “It’s the bit of the blanket I loved so much as a child.” Her eyes glistened and Lucien felt the regrets of a lifetime roll over him.
I can’t talk about this now…I’m too damned tired, still too shaken…The words were on the tip of his tongue, but she looked vulnerable in a way he’d never seen before. His throat caught.
“However did you come by it?” she asked. “No one even knew I still had the scrap.”
Fierce Cassandra, suddenly tender and easily bruised. He’d wounded her so many times in the past. She deserved this truth now. “I found it, snagged on a shrub, the day after you tried to run away. I thought you were coming back, then, so I hid it from Father.”
“I’d stashed it in my pocket. After the servants caught me, it was gone. I was sure I’d lost it forever.” She set the box aside and rose to her feet, peering down at the bit of cloth. “It’s not the first time you saved this for me. You were the one who suggested I cut a strip from my blanket before Father burned it.”
“Because I’d never forgotten how you lay your blanket over me when we had the measles. And…mother embroidered it for you.” His lips curled and he wanted to tease even a hint of smile from her. “I was boiling hot, you know. And it made me itch.”
Cassandra gave a watery chuckle. “Even when we tried to help each other, we never got it quite right, did we?”
He sobered. “I should have sent it to you in Italy once I realized you would not be coming home, but I found that I couldn’t part with it.”
“Why not?” she asked, her gaze searching his face.
“Because…it was the only piece of you I had left.” Had he admitted that before? Even to himself?
She stared at the embroidery, her eyes shimmering in the firelight. “Oh, Lucien,” she breathed, then finally looked up at him. “When did we lose each other?”
“Wedidn’t,” Lucien said.“It was father.Hedrove a wedge between us on purpose.” And so the earl had, forcing them apart with his words, lies, actions, both praise and scorn. “I just didn’t recognize what was happening until…”
“It was too late…?”
He nodded, surprised by the guilt that laced her voice as well. “I never stopped thinking about you,” he confessed. “Wishing I’d done something different. If I could go back to that night fathertook you away, I would.” The memory of what happened came crashing back, the screams, the crying, the desperate pleas. “I didn’t know Father planned to send you to Thornsby.He was quite the expert at making people believe his lies. I thought I was saving you from?—”
“From what?”
“I don’t even know. I just thought I was doing the right thing. For you, for mother…I swear I had no idea what Father planned. By the time I discovered what had really happened, I was so ashamed of my part in it, I couldn’t face myself in the mirror, let alone look you or Jane in the eye.”
Silence fell between them, and he saw his own desolation echoed in Cassandra’s eyes. Of anyone, she could understand the dark web they’d been trapped in.
What he didn’t expect was her sudden show of support. “We were both victims of the earl’s machinations. As such, we both took on the task of shielding our younger siblings. I, with Jane, and you with Simon.”
He twisted the signet ring on his finger, speaking in hushed tones. “Do you know, I went to the docks with Mother and Simon, the day you arrived in London? But at the last minute, I made an excuse. Claimed some business for the Crown. And left to supposedly see an ambassador newly arrived.”
“Youarea very important man.” There was a note in her voice that was almost teasing, the way they’d done once upon a time.
“But a coward, to be sure. I watched you and Jane from the window in the Custom’s House. You were wearing a pale-blue frock and a scarlet cloak. Your bonnet had cream colored streamers, and it almost blew away. Simon caught it.”
“Spying?”
Was that actually a smile on his sister’s face? Deciding it was, he continued, “You deserved to enjoy your reunion. Being thelast person you’d wish to see,I would only have cast a shadow over your homecoming. Considering your reaction when we did meet, I was right.”
“Father did this. Set us against each other. Lied to us…” Her face darkened. “I hate him. I wish he would die.”
Lucien winced at the fierceness in her voice. “Father said that the painting of Holofernes was a warning to me as well.”
“That was before I saw…how far you were willing to go to make amends.” She moved toward him. “Your vow not to live at Everdene Hall could have destroyed your marriage. And even then, I think you loved Grace.”
“Who could help it?” Lucien said.
