“What truth?” she asked softly.
“In my haste to put you between my shoulder and my shield, protect you from any pain or danger, I didn’t realize thatIwas the one locked in a tower of my own making and you held the key. You were—aremy north star.” He took her hand in his, looked down at her, his heart in his eyes. “I’m not a man who trusts easily. But I love you, Grace. Until my last breath, I will be yours. And you…my beautiful, brave love. Will you be my countess of stars? The light that leads me home.”
EPILOGUE
Everdene Hall, all decked out for Christmas, devolved into utter chaos. From the moment Grace’s younger brothers rushed in like a hurricane, the air seemed to sizzle with excitement. The three lads nearly bowled their sister over in their enthusiasm, all talking at once. Lucien couldn’t understand a word they said—and God knew, he couldn’t get anywhere near his wife—but he saw the dull metal figure in her hand as she returned Lord Admiral Nelson to little Bennet. Saw Avery and Ethan puff up with pride as Grace marveled at how they had grown.
Tears sparkled on her lovely cheeks, her face positively aglow. God, she was so beautiful, Lucien marveled, his throat uncomfortably tight.
She looked at him over the children’s heads. “Thank you,” she mouthed.
He put his hand to his chest, then held it out to her…Moments later, Arkwright—damn him—pushed his way to the center of the cluster of children and placed the last thing this evening needed into Bennet Elliot’s arms: A wriggling, face-licking spaniel puppy, doubtless bent on destruction. “This is for Grace,” Arkwright told him, with a devilish look in Lucien’sdirection. “But we’ll need you to help take care of the wee fellow whenever you’re here.”
Lucien started forward, intending to have a sharp word with his friend. Maybe send the animal out to the stable for the duration of the party along with Arkwright’s boots to chew for good measure. But Bennet’s joy seemed to be bubbling over, filling the manor house that had been grim and empty for so many years.
Lucien looked around, taking it all in. Tables were laden with gifts for the family servants and those who worked on the estate. Lengths of cloth for dresses, shirts and breeches, papers of hair pins, pots and tools waited for adults to claim them. For the children: dolls in pretty dresses, clockwork toys, more tin soldiers and the like. Mountains of bright oranges waited to be peeled, releasing their tart scent to mingle with the gingernuts’ spicy fragrance and the taste of boiled sweets.
Leaving Grace to enjoy the reunion, Lucien mingled with the other guests, his gaze tracing back to her again and again as the night progressed. She took his breath away, with her kindness, her warmth as she began distributing the largess to the children with the help of Jane, and Pen.
His mother came to stand beside him. “It is lovely, isn’t it? All of us together.”
“Yes. Yes it is.”
“It’s something I feared I would never see.”
He smiled down at her. “This has been a year of surprises for all of us.”
“Mr. Arkwright tells me that you intend to stand in parliament and speak for the factory workers. Is it true?”
“Yes,” he said.
“Your father will be furious beyond imagining if you do this thing. But you will triumph in the end.”
“I hope so.”
“I am sure of it. You were always so strong. I fear that gift cost you more than you’ll ever know.” She looked so sad it made Lucien’s chest ache.
“I don’t understand.”
Guilt flooded his mother’s eyes. “I knew you would survive no matter what challenges you faced and your father would never release his hold on you. So I let you deal with his tempers, his ruthless schemes when I could not. I threw all my effort into protecting the others, trying to save who I could from your father’s machinations.”
He heard the echo of his own words to Grace in that square where they’d first met Sibby Rose and Scrap.You cannot save them all…
“You blame yourself for what happened to me and to your sisters,” his mother said, “butIam the one who was fault.Iwas supposed to protectyou. I should have found a way…”
Her words curled around his heart. Suddenly fresh memories flooded him. Standing a little ways apart, always, watching the others cluster around their mother, laughing and frolicking and free. Knowing, somehow, he was not. It hurt, to hear the truth put into words. And yet he understood.
“I was the one most able to fight back,” he said. “I had the best chance.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks, and Lucien felt his own eyes burn.
“You think I am tentative around you because of what you did so long ago. That’s not the reason. Every time I looked into your eyes, I could see the cost of what I had done…How isolated you have been. When I see you, I know thatIam the one who failed you, my dear, brave son. I am so sorry.”
Had he been waiting his whole life to hear those words? From the moment he’d been a boy, looking over his shoulder as his father pulled him away from the others? “I would not changewhat happened, except…I thought…there was something about me, something that made me hard…no, impossible to love.”
“You cannot believe that any longer. Not when you look into your wife’s eyes. And I pray, my darling boy, that you know your place in my heart as well.”
“Perhaps we could make a fresh start,” Lucien said. “Grace says that is what you must do when you make mistakes. Forgive yourself and begin again.”
