She lifted her chin. "I do not believe you would have hurt me, Niall."
"We will never know for certain, will we, Caitlin? Either of us. Just as we will never know if I abandoned Castle Daire and everyone in it in search of honor or because I was running away." He turned and stalked out the door.
The arrow slitglowed silver with the night, a smattering of stars twinkling in the distant sky. Caitlin pressed her face against the rough stone surrounding the opening. Worlds away in the abbey, was Reverend Mother gazing out at the same stars, thinking of her?
It seemed an eternity had passed since she had left St. Mary's. But there, everything would go on the same—murmured prayers, weeding the garden, stitching and mending and scrubbing the stone floors. And that sweetest of all hours, before sleep, when the air was filled with serenity, and love whispered with every breath of the wind.
Caitlin's throat ached. If she were home now,she would be leaning against Reverend Mother's knee, the comb stroking rhythmically through her hair as if the abbess held the power to untangle all the troubles of the day. And she had—she always had made Caitlin feel better, ready to begin again. But now there was no one to promise her everything would turn out well. Hunted, her death ordered by Conn, it was as if some dark enchantment had spilled a river between Caitlin and those she loved, one she could never get back across.
"I do not know what to do, Reverend Mother," she whispered. "This whole castle sorrows. And I... I do not belong anywhere at all."
She blinked back tears, remembering so many times the abbess had taken her hand, led her out into the garden when she could not sleep.Look above you, Caitlin, my child. You can never be alone. The stars are angels watching over you. As I will, even when you are grown and gone away.
The echo hurt, and yet she clung to it, picturing it all so clearly, the night-veiled garden, Reverend Mother, her face turned up to the sky, a soft smile curving her lips. And in that moment, Caitlin knew she needed to see the broad sweep of heavens, boundless as the love the holy woman had given her.
Uncertain of the direction she should take, Caitlin made her way out of the chamber, trying to remember the path she had taken with Niall.
Three times she got lost and managed to trace her way back to her room. On the fourth attempt, she all but plunged down the narrow stone stairs. A wry laugh broke from her lips. At least one good thing would happen if she fell and broke her neck in this attempt. Niall could deliver her to Conn and could return to his old life as if nothing had gone awry.
Nay, she thought with sadness as she eased down one uneven riser after another. No power in heaven or earth could give Niall back the life he had known before, any more than Caitlin could reclaim her own sweet past at the abbey. He had seen the wreck of this castle, the suffering of his mother, the hatred of his sister. He had broken his oath to his chieftain.
She should have been grateful once she reached the main hall. Either Fiona or Niall had built a fire in the hearth, and it cast enough fight that she could pick her way through the maze of debris without bruising herself in more than three places.
But all she could feel was grief. So much hadbeen lost in the days since she had ridden out of the abbey gates in Niall's arms.
She pushed open the great, heavy wood door, a wave of sweet night air washing over her. Grateful, she slipped out of the shadow of the castle, wanting to see the full sweep of sky. She could stare up into the heavens, close out all earthbound things around her. Imagine until the sun rose that she was in the garden at home.
But she had barely taken ten steps when a voice rumbled, making her heart slam against her ribs.
"I would not run, Caitlin. Alone in the wild lands, you would be dead before the moon wanes."
"Niall!" She stared at the man stretched out on the ground an arm's length away from her, his powerful body all but lost in the shadows. "Wh-what are you doing here?"
He threw back a tattered plaid he was using to keep warm in the chill night air. "I vowed never to spend another night under the roof of Castle Daire. Considering all the other oaths I have broken the past few days, I decided I would keep this one."
He levered himself to a sitting position, his hair tousled in the starlight. "Tell me, Caitlin ofthe Lilies, what are you running from? Spiders the size of a cat? An army of mice mounting a charge across your bed?"
"I am not running at all," she said, a little indignant. "I only wished to see the stars."
"I find that difficult to believe." Bracing one hand against the ground, he climbed to his feet. "The stars must have been visible from the window of your chamber, and no sane person would risk falling to her death down those stairs just to see the sky."
"Perhaps she would if she were missing home." Her voice caught, and she turned away, regretting her admission. "Why do I even try to explain? You would never understand."
Niall shrugged one powerful shoulder. "I have never attempted to understand anything save war. The battlefield is the only home I need."
Why did his indifference tug so at her heart? "If that is true, I ache for you and for those who love you," she said softly.
She could feel the tension pouring through him, his shoulders squaring, voice hardening. "I need none of your pity. And as for this love you speak of? Tell me, did you see it in my sister's eyes? She would have gloried in using that sword against me."
"She is angry. Hurting and afraid. She needs you to help her heal. And your mother, Niall. Surely, you saw how she looked at you? As if you placed the sun in her sky."
"She did not see me," Niall sneered. "She saw a boy who does not even exist any longer. A son who died with his father's honor."
"You beat your way into life beneath her heart, Niall. She loved you long before you were born. Nothing, not time or blame, stubbornness or the mists of her dream world, can change that. You have a chance to come to know each other again. Hard as it might be to take that risk, it is a rare gift. A second chance to know your mother. One I envy you."
He cut her off with a fierce wave of his hand. "I will do what I can for my mother and Fiona. But if you plan to indulge in a bout of female meddling, trying to mend things among the three of us, I would advise you to save yourself the effort. I will tend to their needs because I am duty bound, but that is all."
"You cannot possibly know what it is you are throwing away. But then, do any of us understand before it is too late?" She paced a few steps away from him. Her eyes turned up to the stars.
