"Unless I was certain you would not be in danger. Perhaps that promise was rash of me. I can be certain of little. I know nothing but what I see in this man's eyes, and in his heart"
"He has no heart!" Caitlin choked out
"Or perhaps he keeps his heart hidden away because it is too battered. Caitlin, he told me the truth. That he would take you, whether I willed it or no. You have only to look into his eyes to know he would make good on that promise."
"I could run away... hide! There must be somewhere—"
"If only it were that simple. But from the first moment you came to us, we both knew that someday you would have to return to the place where you belong. Destiny would call. You would have to go. I would have to let you."
"But I do not wish to go. Not with him! You do not understand! There is something about him that frightens me."
The abbess gave a tender chuckle.
"You find that amusing?" Caitlin demanded, wounded.
"Of course not, sweeting. I was only remembering the last time I was so afraid. It was thenight I found you upon the druid stone and first took you in my arms. What was I to do with a babe? My own mother had died when I was born, so I had never known a mother's touch. Even more daunting, I was a nun, bride of Christ. My faith was to be my life, cloistered here with my prayers and my God. I had surrendered all hope of a babe in my care. Given it up so blithely in my innocence without ever knowing how precious..." Her voice drifted off, such pain, such love, such gratitude in her features, Caitlin's own eyes stung with tears.
"You terrified me when first I held you. I wanted to lay you back upon the stone, turn and flee. Slam the gates, pretend I had never found you. But in the end, I could not turn you away. I was too afraid to know what a gift God had just delivered into my hands. The chance to know the miracle of your weight against my breast as I rocked you to sleep, the warmth of your breath, the magic in your smile. I could not have loved you more if you were my own child. Though perhaps I already loved you more. You were a treasure that was never supposed to be."
Caitlin felt tears burning her cheeks. "Then do not send me away. If you love me—"
"But that is why I have to, my precious child.Perhaps there is a treasure you are supposed to find. And it does not lie within the walls of the abbey."
"I do not want it! Not if it means leaving here. Losing you!"
"You can never lose me, child. That is the miracle loving you has taught me. We will both carry each other forever in our hearts."
The abbess opened her arms to Caitlin, and Caitlin rushed in, clinging, hard, as if to keep the dawn at bay.
"We will not waste a moment of this night in tears," the abbess urged. "We shall remember everything, everything precious. Remind each other so that we will never forget."
Caitlin nodded. She curled at Reverend Mother's feet as she had so many times as a child, leaning against the abbess's knee as they both spun out tales of girlish antics, mischief, and delight. Chasing calves over the hills, the abbess teaching Caitlin to climb trees, the yearly pilgrimage to the stone to find the precious lily.
The abbess stroked a carved-wood comb through the masses of Caitlin's hair, her voice low and musical, tinged with laughter and sorrow. They had spent countess nights thus. The soothing bedtime ritual had always made Caitlinfeel so safe, as if they were the only two people in the world and nothing bad could ever touch them.
But the magic gates had swung open, the world had come inside, its messenger a surly warrior with shame stitched into his very name.
Just before dawn, the abbess helped her make a small bundle of the few belongings she had gathered in her years at the abbey. Clothing, clean if threadbare, carefully patched by the other nuns this long night A shell from the sea Caitlin could only imagine, a gift from a novice who had clung to the tiny token from her faraway home, then given it to Caitlin after final vows. The sandalwood comb with shiny imprints worn by the abbess's fingers. Then she drew Caitlin to the small chest where the bit of robe had been secreted.
"There is something I have been saving for you, knowing this day would come."
The abbess pulled a length of cloth from the chest. Caitlin gaped as she shook free the folds of the most exquisite clothing Caitlin had ever seen.
The linen glowed, rich and soft, embroidered with delicate interlacing, patterns that some ancients had carved on the druid altar, the designs intertwined with more holy ones from the abbey.
"How—however did you find this?"
"I stitched it, late at night when I wanted to cling to you too tightly. It helped me to remember that you were only mine for a little while." Infinite sadness, pride, and resignation wreathed the abbess's face. "I vowed to deliver you into the hands of the fate that brought you to me in the guise of a princess."
Caitlin's fingers drifted over the cloth, her throat so tight it ached. "It is beautiful. I—I will treasure it forever."
Gently, Reverend Mother helped her shed the coarse-spun robe, then drifted the garment down over her head. Caitlin fingered the wide sleeves, the fine edging of embroidery there, treasuring every stitch the abbess's needle had made, knowing them for what they were, a symbol of the holy woman's love for her.
"There is something more. I found it among your wrappings the first night you came to the abbey." Reverend Mother went to the chest again, withdrew an object that sparkled and shone in the light. Gold shimmered rich and strange against her hand. "It is a bracelet," the abbess said softly. "The most exquisite I have ever seen."
Caitlin touched the piece of jewelry with onefinger, half afraid it would vanish. "It is so beautiful."
"Whoever sent this token with you must have loved you very much." The abbess slipped the bracelet onto Caitlin's wrist. "I know it seems you will be far away from us, my sweeting, and yet, when our special time comes at night and you look out, see the stars, know that I am watching them and thinking of you."
