Addie picked up the pace. As Carly fell in step, she realized how much she’d needed to burn off steam. Bits of rock and gravel cracked and crunched under their feet as they walked along the old, cracked blacktop. After a few minutes, old stone and brick buildings came into view above the cows in pastures and tree groves, followed by the two-story limestone courthouse as it stood on guard in the center of the town square. Between shops being closed on Sunday and most folks involved in chaos at the Crawford’s, Carly and Addie had downtown pretty much to themselves.
“All I can say is I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I wish there was more I could do, but I learned when my mom died there isn’t.”
“Getting me away from the party was a huge help. I also appreciate you not treating me differently. So many people are uncomfortable around me now. They panic if they mention Landon’s name or go out of their way to avoid bringing him up.”
“People care, but they don’t know what to do. They don’t know which hurts more, mentioning him or not.”
“That I understand. What’s worse is everyone giving me advice on how to cope with my grief. Stay busy. Take time for myself. Keep to what’s familiar. Change every routine. It makes my head hurt.”
“If someone says something helpful, great. Otherwise blow it off. You’ve got to find your own way to cope.” Carly thought about what she’d said and slapped her palm against her forehead. “Oops. That sounded like advice, so never mind. I don’t want to be one ofthosepeople.”
A genuine laugh bubbled out of Addie. “So far that’s the only advice worth listening to. Do what works for me. I don’t think I realized it, but I’ve been waiting for permission to protect myself when I get waylaid like I did earlier. Next time that happens, I’ll handle it better.” Addie paused in front of McAllen’s Bookstore, peered into the large front window, and pointed at various novels displayed. “By the way, I think weshouldstart a book club. My only suggestions are we avoid those depressing-make-me-think-about-the-meaning-of-life books and romances. I’m not ready for those yet. Maybe we could read a cozy mystery, and we have to add wine.”
“I think that’s a great idea. Let’s get together for lunch next week and hammer out the details like who to invite. Then we’ll come here to pick the first book.”
“I’d love that,” Addie said. “I miss my friends at the base. Don’t get me wrong. Moving in with my parents when Landon got deployed was the right decision, but most of my friends in town are married, and a bunch of them have kids. They’ve been sweet, but when they go out it’s as couples, and I feel like a fifth wheel.”
Carly nodded, feeling a kinship with Addie. One she wouldn’t wish on her worst enemy. “I know what you mean. It was the same way when my mom died. I didn’t belong anymore either. My friends didn’t understand what it was like not having a mom to turn to. They felt bad if they complained about theirs, and I was jealous because they still had one.”
Tears welled up in Addie’s green eyes. “Now I really regret us not staying in touch during college. It’s not that I didn’t think of you or that we weren’t friends, I just got so caught up in all the activities, my classes and in Landon—”
Carly waved a hand through the air. “No worries. I understand.”
“Not that I’m complaining, because I’m enjoying the chance to reconnect, but I was surprised to see you here,” Addie continued. “Owen never told Landon what happened between you two before we left for A&M, but from the way he moped around the first semester, we figured breaking up wasn’t his idea.”
The unspoken question hung in the air like thick morning fog, drilling a hole in the floodgate holding back Carly’s memories. Reality had set in for her the summer before their high school senior year. Owen talked about attending A&M and tried to convince her to go there with him. While she dreamed of the possibility, she knew it couldn’t be. With Ryder only four years old, she couldn’t leave him with their father. For his sake, to provide stability, she needed to live at home and commute.
When Owen finally accepted she wouldn’t be heading for College Station, too, he insisted they could Skype and text to keep in touch, visit each other, and spend their breaks together.
But Carly knew what would happen instead. He’d discover being tied to a hometown girlfriend meant missing out on college fun and he’d grow to resent her. Either that or he’d meet a smart, pretty Texas A&M coed like the ones she’d seen on TV when the camera panned the student section at Kyle Field. Ones with perfect cheekbones and long flowing blond hair, who pulled off wearing a maroon tube dress with the word “Aggies” written across her bountiful bosom.
Unable to bear that instead of making plans, she savored every moment with Owen until the week before he was to leave for College Station. Preferring a quick ending she controlled rather than the inevitable lingering, painful relationship death, she’d said she wanted to “live the college experience to the fullest” without being tied down and wanted to break up.
And Owen believed her lie.
Addie touched Carly’s arm, tugging her away from her memories. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer. You know me, and how my filter goes on the fritz when I get stressed. Forget I asked. It’s none of my business. Plus, it’s ancient history.”
Carly shrugged. “It wasn’t a big deal. I knew Owen and I would be busy and didn’t think we should be tied down. That’s all it was.”
What a pile of horse manure. You loved him, and swore he loved you too. Since then, you’ve compared every man you meet to Owen, and none measure up. Not even Max.
“I’m just glad he came back here for his physical and speech therapy. I’m worried about him. Since Landon died, he’s sounded set on returning to active duty. When I brought up the idea that he may not be able to, he refused to consider the possibility.”
With a town full of veterans, kids growing up in Service overheard military conversations wherever they went, and whether they wanted to or not, they learned what serving their country entailed. Acronyms such as MOS, APFT, and OSC became part of everyday vocabulary. They learned what it meant to meet military retention standards, and Carly was no different. For his missions, Owen required a keen intellect and sharp-decision-making skills. Because of that, if Owen possessed short-term memory or balance issues, he would be deemed unfit for most military jobs.
“Considering all he ever talked about, even in grade school, was being a soldier, him accepting that he might have to quit the only career he’s wanted and facing the reality of his situation will be part of his therapy process.”
“Then you’ve got your work cut out for you because he sounds like he’s counting on you to work miracles.”
Owen wouldn’t be the first vet Horses for Heroes worked with to struggle with the issue. “We’ll do all we can for him, but I’ll warn his team to watch out for unrealistic expectations.”
Addie’s brows furrowed. “You’re not working with Owen? That’s not the impression I got from him.”
“I straightened him out on that when we talked a while ago. As executive director I don’t do therapy with clients.”
Addie tilted her head and pinned Carly with an inquisitive stare. “Couldyou make an exception and work with a client? Are you still certified?”
Carly froze. Uh, oh. Warning sirens blasted in her head, and she saw the collision coming, but short of lying to her friend, which she doubted she could pull off, she’d been boxed into a corner.
