He slowed the horse, trotted over to where she stood at the edge of his course and dismounted. “What she doesn’t know won’t get me a lecture. You gonna bust me?”
“I think you should be more careful considering your head injury. I’d hate to see you undo progress you’ve made, but I’m not a tattletale.”
He winced. Damn. Landon had given him a gift. To treat it so carelessly dishonored his friend. “Doesn’t matter, because your dressing-down is near as good as Carly’s.”
Addie grinned. Then she reached into her pocket, withdrew a small wooden box, and her smile disappeared. Her eyes turned haunted and glistened with tears. He stared at the item she held, the gift she’d given Landon after he’d earned his Aggie ring. When she held it out to him, he shook his head.
“His Aggie ring’s not in it if that’s what you’re worried about. That came back with his personal affects and we buried it with—” Addie’s voice broke and a tear slid down her cheek.
Owen stepped closer and enveloped his friend’s widow in a hug. Before she pulled away, she shoved the box into his shaking hands. “I want you to have this.”
The wood, warm from her hands, and raised Texas A&M seal burned his palm.
“You should keep it.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, refusing to accept the box from him when he tried to return it. “Without Landon’s ring inside—it feels wrong. Hollow. Landon loved you like a brother. He’d want you to have it, and I do too. If his ring can’t be there, knowing yours is gives me comfort.”
Owen nodded and slipped the box into his shirt pocket. The small item rested heavy against his chest “I should’ve brought him back safely to you.”
“You couldn’t have prevented what happened.”
“You don’t know that. I keep running it through my head. Why didn’t I realize sooner what jackass idea he had and stop him? There had to be something I missed that could’ve saved him.”
“You don’t know that either. Maybe he’d be here. Maybe you’d both be dead. You weren’t responsible for Landon. You were his best friend, not his keeper. I loved that man to distraction, but I was realistic about his faults. He was an adrenaline junkie. He loved his job, and he loved it the most when he was deployed. I knew that when I married him.”
“I’d give anything to go back and change what I did, but I can’t. The best I can do is get back in the fight and help rid the world of bastards like the ones who killed him.”
“Quit torturing yourself about what might have been. If youwantto return to the military, fine, but make sure you’re living your life the wayyouwant. Trying to live for him or to avenge his death won’t do you any good and doesn’t honor him.”
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
“You sure? The last time Landon and I talked he said he was worried about you. He said he didn’t think you were cut out for the military anymore. He didn’t think you were happy.”
When he’d entered the Army, he’d been gung ho to serve his country, tackle the bad guys, and make the world a better place. He’d wanted adventure, but lately he hadn’t felt that same passion. Not that he was unhappy, though, and whenever he thought about leaving the military, he couldn’t see what to do in civilian life that would matter as much as the fight he’d taken on with the Army. That and the family legacy he felt bound to.
Addie’s small hand on his arm drew Owen’s attention. “Life can be way too short to waste a minute of it. If you knew today was all you had left, how would spend it?”
With Carly.
The answer came instantaneously and with certainty, scaring him. He’d fallen in love with her again. Hell, he probably never quit loving her and knowing the fact changed everything.
“I’d have to think about it.”
“Cut the crap, Owen. You know exactly what you’d want to do. I saw it in your eyes.” When he opened his mouth to deny it, she waved him off. “I don’t need to know. All that matters is you do. But think about this. How does your answer fit with military life?” Then she kissed him on the cheek. “Don’t throw away what you could have for penance you don’t need to do.”
He stood in the middle of the pasture, unable to move as he watched Addie leave.
Memories of his childhood flashed in his mind. Most were with his mom because his father had been off in the somewhere. Ones of his mom pitching to him for batting practice when he was in Little League. His mom teaching him to drive and then celebrating over ice cream after he’d passed his driving test. When she couldn’t go for events like Donuts with Dads, his grandfather acted as stand-in. His mom had been there for him, while his father had been off fighting for the country’s freedom. Was that what he wanted his life to be? The life he wanted for his children?
Damn. When had he started thinking about having kids? Not just kids. Ones with Carly?
This last deployment and losing Landon changed him. He wanted to wake up every morning beside Carly, and work with her to change their corner of the world. He wanted them to have children, and he wanted to see all their major milestones. First steps. First words. First day of school. When his child went on a first date, he would be there to offer advice and to pace the floor until he or Lord help him, she, arrived home.
But how would he support his family? The only career he’d ever known was serving his country, and now with a disability attached to his name, how would he find a job, especially one that left the world better off, and not in an I-sold-you-insurance-so-you-can-rebuild-after-a-tornado way.
Carly’s words from last night replayed in his head.You know, if you weren’t returning to the Army, you’d be a good nonprofit executive director. In a lot of ways, you’re better at my job than I am.
What if he could take over the director position, allowing Carly to do what she loved—therapy?
