The call of my name is so faint that I believe it’s coming from inside my head.
“Butterfly.”
“Mi Cielo.”
“Baby Girl.”
Blinking, my head pivots to the left.
They’re here. All of them.
Levi’s knuckles are white from the grip he has on Santiago’s arm—to hold him back or for Levi’s comfort, I’m not sure. Walker stands slightly in front of them, his hands up and palms facing me as if he’s begging for mercy. A quick glance in each of their eyes shows me their pain, their fear.
“Baby Girl, what are you doing?” Walker’s voice shakes.
My attention returns to the water as I ask, “Do y’all ever think things would be easier if you just stopped existing?”
“I won’t lie to you, Blake.” Walker takes a deep breath. “It’s crossed my mind a few times in my life.”
“Once when I was fourteen,” Levi answers.
Santiago clears his throat, but his response still comes out shaky. “After my mother died.”
“Thank you for being honest,” I return.
“Blake, how about we all take a step back together and talk about what’s on your mind?” Walker suggests.
I don’t answer. I can’t answer.
Instead, I voice some of my thoughts and sniffle. “You know Daddy wanted a boy, right? That’s why he named me Blake.”
“Yeah, we know,mi Cielo.” Santiago sounds pained.
Tears line my lashes as I turn to him and ask in earnest, “Do you think that’s why he wanted a boy? Because he knew what he would do?”
“Blake—” Santiago starts.
The river slams into the rocks not twenty feet down from where I stand on the ledge. “Is this how he did it, you think? Is this where he went?”
“No, Baby Girl. It’s not.” Walker’s answer holds a well of sadness and remorse.
Does he miss his friend?
“I know you all figured it out. Mama was clear about what Daddy did.”
For the first time in my life, my truth is out there, lingering in the frost-bitten air. The release causes my heart to race as I wait to see where it lands and how they react. It’s only a split second, but it feels like an eternity. I’ve feared this moment since the first time Daddy came into my room at night.
She forced him.
“We know,” Levi confirms.
My heart stills.
“We’ve always known,” he clarifies further.
Shaking my head, I struggle to digesttheirtruth. As I turn my head toward them, I’m met with grief and sorrow. “How?”
“Do you remember that night—the night Landon died?” Walker asks, sympathy colors his face.
