She shakes her head with a laugh. “Not your biography, I can find that on Wikipedia. Tell me about you. What really happened on the Paisley set, because I know the news got it all wrong.”
Oh, that is something I don’t talk about. Because you don’t do that in Hollywood. You don’t talk bad about directors, showrunners, or other actors. At least not if you’re a woman. That’s a surefire way to completely tank your career. Although, given the situation I was in before I landed this role, maybe it doesn’t really matter. Maggie gave me a chance in spite of all the bad press. Maybe she really doesn’t give two shits.
“Um, well, at first it was great. I landed the role within a few months of getting to Hollywood. I took a performance arts program in college but left before I even collected my diploma.”
“That must have been a big change. Was your family supportive?”
I tilt my head back and forth, weighing my words. “They were not happy about it, but they accepted my decision. They were really hoping I’d change my mind and pursue a ‘real’ career while I was at college, you know?” I put some heavy emphasis on the word real.
She nods.
“Anyway, at first it was amazing.” I search my memory for all those feelings. It was only six years ago, but it feels like a lifetime. Like I don’t even remember who I was backthen. “I landed this show. There was some buzz about it, but nothing major. Nothing that told us it was going to be the massive hit it turned out to be. Just another silly teenage drama.”
“But then it hit, and everything changed.”
“Right. And I knew nothing. They don’t teach you that in school. What it’s really like behind the scenes. The endless days, the early call times, and especially not the pressure from the people you’re working with.”
“The cast always seemed like they got along well. Until they didn’t. So what really happened?”
I study her face again, trying to figure out what’s behind the interest. It seems genuine. But how do I know this isn’t some Machiavellian-level showrunner shit to keep her actors in line?
“Didn’t know you were moonlighting as a therapist.”
Her eyes crinkle up when she laughs. You don’t see that too often in LA. Too much filler to show emotion.
“Sorry. I don’t mean to push. Kind of a hazard of the job, I guess. Wrangling all the stars and their own emotions and stories can be a challenge. I’ve learned to listen and ask questions. Helps me connect to you and get you all connected to your characters too. There’s not enough authenticity in our biz, is there?”
Guilt twists my guts up in knots. She really does seem genuine. And here I am, lying to her face. About my riding experience, about dating Quint. I’m lying to the world right now.
“It was great, until it wasn’t. I thought we were all friends. The cast. We used to hang out—Jenny, Clay,Sarah, and of course, Brad. You know, we were all around the same age, our first big jobs. It was surreal. At first I was hesitant to go out with Brad, but the feelings were all there. They were real. So, we started dating and it seemed great. But then in season four, I found out he’d been cheating on me the entire time we were dating. I could have dealt with that. Could have acted on, and I did. For an entire season I pretended things were fine, but after Ana got ousted and they brought in a new show runner for season five, things were…different.”
“Right, the show was still popular, but I’ll never understand why they replaced her as show runner—well, that’s not true. I’ve seen it happen far too many times. A woman gets too successful, and they can’t take it.”
“Yeah, she had a vision for the show. The producers and network disagreed. When she wouldn’t go along with it, well, you know. The show was never the same in that last season.”
“I get it. So, between the breakup and Josh Knox taking over, you were done with the show. Was there anything else?” Her faded blue eyes are narrowed as if she can tell I’ve got something to hide.
It’s unsettling, but not enough to make me spill the entire story. The toxicity on the set after Josh took over. Mostly toward the female actors, of course. Berating us when we missed our lines even though he was constantly changing things last minute, criticizing our weight and our looks, deliberately trying to drive us apart. With some distance and perspective, I recognize how bad it was, but it happened so slowly along the way, I thought it was justme for the longest time. That’s when the panic attacks first started, but even with the show behind me, they linger in my periphery, following me like an unwelcome shadow.
“That’s about it,” I hedge, taking another sip of my drink and glancing around the café. My eyes automatically go to the big front window, searching for stray photographers or gawking fans. But the only people passing by don’t even glance inside.
“Okay, well, feel free to come to me if anything happens on the set or if you disagree with the direction of the show. I’ve got a solid vision in mind, but I’m always willing to listen. Some of the best moments I’ve directed have been unexpected pivots suggested by actors. In fact, do you know that scene in Long Haul that turned into a meme?”
I laugh, picturing it in my head. The asshole dad getting tossed out of the trailer on his ass in a pair of saggy boxers. “Of course.”
“A dolly grip suggested the boxers. We had him in greasy old sweatpants, but the boxers were perfection.” She brings her fingers to her lips in achef’s kissgesture.
“That’s wild.” That grip would have found themself out of a job if they’d suggested something like that to Josh, union rules or not.
“It is, but I find it’s the best way to work. Some directors believe that fear is the only way to get a good performance out of their cast. Not me.”
“I love that.” I nod. “I’m curious, though. Is that why you brought me here? To talk about your directing style? Iwas kind of expecting a principal cast meeting or something.”
“Yes, and I wanted to get to know you, find out your story. And let you know my door, so to speak, is always open, and if you ever need to talk to me about something, I’m here. I’m looking forward to working with you, Aurelia. You’ve done some great work, and I know you’re going to shine inSterling Hearts.”
“Thank you.” But there’s still confusion clouding up the pride expanding my chest. “And for the record, you’re my dream director and show runner. I’ve wanted to work with you in a leading role for years, but the timing was never right.”
“Isn’t that how it works sometimes? Right person, wrong time?”
