There’s a shuffling sound behind us, and I turn around to spot a gray horse poking its head out over the stall door.
“Of course. I arranged those initial photos to leak to the press, and now I’ve gotten the truth out there. You haven’t been in the news this much since you left Paisley Creek. You’re welcome.”
Anger and confusion war with each other as I process her words. “This is not what I wanted, Janine. This isn’t what we talked about. I thought we’d put out some sort of amicable press release that he and I had broken up or something. Not drag him down with me and make him look like a fool too.”
She laughs, wiggling her fingers at me dismissively. They’re tipped in blood-red polish. “Well, nobody would have cared about that story. It wouldn’t have gone anywhere. This? This is huge. Some great publicity for you and the show. You’re already all over the internet.”
“Are you kidding me?” Anger is quickly overtaking the confusion and fear. “Was Belinda involved?”
“No, she didn’t need to know. But I’m sure she’d approve. Your success is her success. All we want is for you to succeed.”
I have to walk away from her, because I have a feeling my publicist wouldn’t let it slide if I broke her nose. The gray horse nods its head, beckoning me, and I stroke its long nose. Ghost, the stall plate says. “Sometimes I wish I could blend in like a ghost,” I whisper to the horse.
Out loud, I say, “Success is not measured in publicity stunts. It’s good acting, good choices, and reliability. I don’t want to be the spectacle. I don’t want a media circus or drama in my life. I want this.” I spin around in a circle, arms wide, and I realize it’s true. I don’t want to go back to the hustle and insincerity of LA. I want this. I’ve never felt more relaxed and more at home than I have at this ranch. And there’s a little pain in the knowledge that while it’s been incredible for me, my presence here is a disruption the family doesn’t really need.
Janine sniffs. “This place stinks. I don’t know why you’d want to stay here willingly. You’ve got that premiere coming up in two days. This little ‘stunt,’ as you call it, will guarantee you’re in every magazine, every online blog. Drama is your brand.”
My hands are shaking as the anger boils over, and I can’t contain it anymore, but I keep my voice quiet so I don’t spook any of the horses. “Drama is not my brand. I’m in it for the long haul. I got into acting because I love it, not because I wanted to expose my entire life tothe world. I thought you knew this! You saw how upset I was afterPaisley Creek. That drama hurt me, and this is going to hurt someone I care about. For fuck’s sake, Janine, I actually have feelings for the guy whose life you just turned upside down. Now he’s not going to want anything to do with me. And if this show gets picked up for a second season, I’ll have to come back to film here and see him and his family. It’s a nightmare.”
She blinks. “Really? You actually like him?” Her face splits into a Cheshire Cat grin. I don’t like the look of glee in her eye. “I could spin that. It’s strange, but doable.” She waves a dismissive hand, all her plotting forgotten. “But you know it’ll never work out between the two of you. Not unless he follows you to Hollywood, and that never works. These regular people just don’t understand what it’s like being a celebrity. He’d never be able to fit into your life.”
And there it is, laid out plainly. The thing I’ve been most worried about. This thing between us can’t work, and I’m just dragging things out if I try to pretend like it can. What are the options? I move here and spend half my time traveling to LA or New York for publicity tours, premieres, events, filming at other locations? His entire family and the town are disrupted by the paparazzi, eager fans waiting outside the gates, invading their privacy? He can’t move to LA. His life his here. Does he travel with me to events and abandon the ranch? It wouldn’t be fair of me to expect that of him.
My phone buzzes against my thigh, and I slide it out, more than happy to avoid further unpleasant revelations from Janine.
Quint: Are you okay? People keep sending me all these articles about us and the fake dating thing. Can we talk?
Glenna rushes into the barn while my thumbs are hovering over the screen. “Aura, there you are. You’ve got to go. They need you in hair and makeup.”
I nod distractedly at my assistant. “I’ve got to go, Janine. We’ll talk later.” Probably right after I find a new publicist.
Even if I don’t have time to talk now, I can’t leave Quint on read. That wouldn’t be fair, especially after the way I ran off last night. This’ll give me some time to gather my thoughts, though. Explain everything to him in a way that makes sense. It might destroy me, but it’s for the best.
Aura: I’m filming all day today and tomorrow, then immediately catching a plane to LA for the weekend. I’m so sorry, but can we talk on Monday?
I pause, then send one more message.
Aura: I’m okay, though. Mostly, anyway. It’s just…a lot.
“Come on.” Glenna grabs my arm to hurry me along.
I can finally glance at my phone again as I settle into the chair in the busy hair and makeup trailer.
Quint: Of course. I’ll be right here waiting when you get back.
And there’s the problem right there. He’ll always be waiting for me, and I’ll always be leaving him behind. We’ll both end up hurt if I selfishly let myself have the thing I want the most.
Chapter 30
Quint
Aura’stextfromyesterdaymorning has been running through my head on repeat. The lights of the film production didn’t go dark until almost ten o’clock last night, so I know she was telling the truth. Her schedule ramped up these last two days. And now she’s leaving the ranch for the weekend.
At first when I saw the news about the fake-dating leak, I wondered if this entire thing was a setup, if all she ever wanted was to use me for publicity. But when I thought about it, it didn’t ring true. She was trying to avoid any more scandal or bad PR, and I know her better than that. She wouldn’t have dragged me into a situation and lied to me like that. This can’t be how she wanted things to go.
At least the ranch has kept me busy enough to almost forget about the whole mess yesterday. We’ve got acouple of horses in training and our assistant trainer is off work sick, so I offered to hop on to keep them in shape until she gets back.
I’m sweating as I’m rubbing down my last ride of the morning, still mulling things over, when footsteps approach.
