Bree didn’t think she could criticize herself for her professional handling of things. She’d already given Tess all the information she possessed about those incidents, so Tess, her presiding judge, had a heads-up that something seemed to be going on. So what would breaking confidentiality and informing Tess accomplish except maybe improving her personal relationship with her? Or maybe making her more upset?
She still needed to try to keep some control. “I can’t withhold this investigation from Tess forever. The only thing I’ll promise you is that I’ll let you know before I talk to her.”
“I’m holding you at your word, then. All we need to resolve a complaint is often just one event or one person with information.” Ned paused. “You’re playing an important role, Bree.”
On a professional level, Bree couldn’t argue with his logic. “You’re on a timeline, Ned.” She made a decision to go a step farther in stating her position. “I understand the confidentiality aspect and appreciate it, but if I have to make a choice between the Commission and telling Tess because it would serve her best, I’ll choose to tell Tess. Just so we’re clear.”
No matter what her struggle was with her feelings for Tess, that was separate from allowing Tess to become the casualty of Ned’s ambition in addressing the complaints. Bree suspected neither she nor Tess would come out unscathed by herconfidential agreement, but Tess’s safety was more important than either of their feelings. Bree just had to figure out what was in Tess’s best interest, and it certainly wasn’t straightforward. She waited in silence when Ned didn’t respond for a long moment.
“I hear you.” Ned’s sigh came through the phone. “Give this a little more time, and before you decide any change in course, you need to let me know. I brought you in because I trust you. It’s imperative that you keep me informed, Bree.”
After they hung up, fear and guilt and indecisiveness as to what was the best course of action pressed on Bree’s chest like the heavy weights they were. Tess’s shooting, the bag offer, the witnessed exchange in the tavern lot, the four flat tires, they were all pointing to something corrupt.
She was trying her best in what might turn out to be a no-win scenario. Bree prayed Tess would understand when the eventual disclosure of her confidential role occurred. In the meantime, she had a judgeship with obligations to fulfill and a raffle prize to celebrate with Tess. She’d try to focus on those.
And now, Bree had defined her highest priority for Ned, and in doing so, for herself. As best she could, she was going to put her turmoil about a relationship with Tess aside for now. Tess’s safety would be her north star, and if that north star began to flicker in any significant way, she wasn’t going to hesitate to change course. Screw the Commission.
Tess joined Alice for dinner on Sunday evening at Alice’s place. Her aunt was a good cook, and her baked chicken was right up there with her grilled cheese sandwiches in Tess’s list of lifetime culinary favorites.
“You probably didn’t invite yourself to dinner because of my cooking.” Alice chuckled.
“Don’t knock your gastronomic skill set. Right up there with your head shrink expertise.”
Alice nodded with a knowing look. “Okay, the chicken is done, that couch is open, and the therapist is in.” They both laughed. “Catch me up.”
Tess proceeded to tell Alice the recent events in her life with a focus on Bree as they ate. She concluded by addressing how she felt.
“Walking away from someone who doesn’t want what I want…it’s harder than it should be because whenever I’m around Bree, in the moment, it feels so right.”
“It sounds to me as if she likes you back, but with all sorts of obstacles. A divorce can leave some scars, and a relocation and new job are significant changes in her life. And those are even before the additional upsetting experiences, the flat tires and so on.”
“But wanting her…I’m afraid that I’m setting myself up for some major hurt.” Tess pulled her plate closer and took a bite. “You make the best fruit salad.” She took another bite.
Alice chewed her lower lip. “I think you’re talking about the don’t-break-my-heart emotional type of hurt, but I’m also talking about the don’t-shoot-me-again physical type of hurt. Bree seems to be in someone’s sights in a scary way. They want something, and anyone close to her could fall into the crosshairs. I want you to be careful.”
Tess thought of the attack a little over a year ago. She focused back on her baked chicken. “I was talking about me wanting something and failing. A big part of me doesn’t want to take the gamble that whatever we’re doing now will become something more because if it doesn’t…My heart is getting in deeper. The looming pain of failure makes me want to run.”
“You know, there are never any guarantees when it comes to one’s heart,” Alice said. “And consider the bottom line—she could have discouraged you from attending Gabby’s play, or turned down your raffle prize invitation to join her.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“That she isn’t able to completely walk away either. She’s got feelings for you too.”
“She’s new to the area and doesn’t know anyone. Or maybe it’s hormones with her. What’s to say her interest in me isn’t just about sex?” Tess replied.
“Ah yes. She can’t just go to one of the local establishments where there are other women looking for a night of no-strings-attached pleasure too. It’s so much less difficult to toy with a judges-with-benefits relationship. Less difficult to spend an evening of dinner and a high school play with her family included, and to agree to go whale watching with you, all the while hoping that someday it might end up in sex,” Alice wryly suggested.
Tess couldn’t hold back a soft snort. “What am I going to do?’
“You can be the one to slam that door, or you can take a chance and give things some time to play out. What do you want?”
“I want my job and two neurotic little beasts to be enough.”
“But they aren’t enough. Not anymore.” Alice nodded. That wise nod that Tess mostly respected, even if she didn’t always like the way Alice made her face reality and examine herself. “That dance with death left you feeling that you’re missing something in life, and I think Bree has shown you what it is.”
“I know, but it was so much easier stuffing all these feelings away. And then that week at Tahoe, Bree got past my guard. I thought there was no way she was anything but temporary with our rules.” Tess shook her head. “I let her in, although that’s not where she wants to be.”
“Not now? Or not ever?” Alice probed.
