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Standing, I called out, “Anna?”
She turned to me at hearing her name. Her eyes brightened for a second, then darkened. She scanned me from head to foot as I walked over to her. “Oh my God, Kellan…are you okay?”
I forced a smile to my lips. I was getting really good at that lately. “I’m fine. It’s good to see you.” I wrapped my arms around her, and she gingerly held me back. It was obvious she didn’t want to hurt me.
“Denny told me what happened,” she whispered. Her eyes were quickly watering as she examined my face. “That son of a bitch. I can’t believe he did this to you.”
Holding her shoulders, I looked her in the eye. “Don’t be mad at him. I did this. I betrayed him, I pushed him over the edge. It’s not his fault.”
Her jaw tightened, and I knew she didn’t really care whose fault it was. “He could have killed her. He could have killed you. I don’t care what you did to him, neither one of you deserved…this.” Her hand indicated my body.
“Kiera would want you to play nice with him.” I gave her a pointed look, then released her. She made some sort of noise that kind of sounded like “Whatever,” and I figured that was the best I was going to get from her. Changing subjects, I said, “Kiera will be happy to see you, and she could probably use a dose of happiness right now.”
A playful grin on her lips, she poked me in the shoulder. “She could probably use a dose of you right now. Coming?” She tilted her head, and her long, dark ponytail danced around her shoulders.
“No…I can’t go back in there.” Her mouth dropped open as surprise filled her. Her resemblance to Kiera was so striking, my heart constricted. Breathing hurt. Moving hurt. Everything hurt. “I broke things off with her…and…I asked her to move out. It’s over. We’re over.” A knot formed in my throat, and I had to swallow three times to loosen it.
Anna’s expression changed to one of sympathy. “Oh…I’m sorry.”
I shifted my gaze to the floor so I wouldn’t have to see Kiera in her eyes. “Yeah…so, I’m staying away from her. It’s just…too hard. I need space.” I peeked up at her face. “I need a minute.”
She seemed confused by that phrase, and I almost smiled. That was Kiera’s and my inside joke. Only, it wasn’t funny. Not funny at all. “When you see her…don’t let her know I’m here. It’s better if she thinks I left.”
Her brows bunched as she looked over my clothes. “How long have you been here?”
I kept my expression as even as possible. “Since the accident. I’m not leaving until I know she’s okay. As long as she’s here…I’m here. But…she doesn’t need to know that, okay?” She frowned and I made my gaze as stern as I could with my swollen eye. “I’m serious, Anna. I don’t want her to know I’m here.”
Anna slowly shook her head, a sad smile on her face. “Okay, Kellan…if that’s the way you want it, I won’t tell her.”
I nodded. “If anything changes with her…please let me know.”
It was a couple of hours later when Anna came back down. I perked up when she walked over to where I was sitting in the cafeteria. “How is she?” I asked, hoping I didn’t sound desperate for information but knowing I did.
Anna eyed me thoughtfully before she answered. I wasn’t sure what that meant. “She’s all right. Tired and teary-eyed, but all right.” Changing her expression to an exuberant smile, she added, “I’m gonna stay in Seattle with her. Find a job, and a place for us to live.” Her features softened into compassion. “I’m going to take care of her, Kellan, so you don’t need to worry.”
I exhaled in relief. Good. She’ll be taken care of. “Did you tell her I was here?” I asked, watching her carefully for signs of guilt.
She averted her eyes. Bingo. She’d told on me. “It…may have come up.” I was about to scold her for her lack of promise-keeping when she suddenly reached out and poked a finger into my chest. “But you can’t complain about that, because you, sir, are on my shit list. The second you’re healed, I’m smacking your ass. And not in a good way.”
I frowned, confused. “What did I…?”
Anna raised an eyebrow. “You told her we slept together? Really?”
I snapped my mouth closed. Oh yeah…that. “It was more…I didn’t deny it when she made the assumption that we had.”
Anna leaned over me. “I don’t like guys taking credit for shit they didn’t do. And trust me, if you and I had screwed that night, you wouldn’t have been able to deny it if you wanted to. You’d still be telling your friends about us…” She leaned in even closer, giving me a pretty decent shot of her cleavage. “…All the damn time.”
With a huff, she straightened and stalked away from me. I watched her hips swaying as she walked, and thought she was probably right. Griffin sure as hell couldn’t shut up about her. He was going to flip his lid once he found out she was back.
Once Anna was gone, I opened my palm and stared at the guitar pendant I’d been hiding in my fingers. I’d cleaned off the blood the last time I’d gone to the bathroom, and it glistened in the lights. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with it, but staring at it was oddly soothing, and I found myself doing it all the time.
Now that Anna was here, it seemed like things were falling into place for Kiera. That made me feel better. Anna would take care of her. I could let her go now. Maybe that was what I should do with the necklace—toss it in the trash and let it go.
I stuffed it back into my pocket instead. I couldn’t completely let Kiera go.
Anna was true to her word, and quickly found a place for her and Kiera. Once Kiera got out of the hospital, she’d be all set for her new life…without me. I wouldn’t even see her at Pete’s anymore; Jenny told me she quit. My world felt like it was crashing down around me, but I guess that was how breakups felt. I wouldn’t know; I’d never had one before.
Everyone was helping Anna and Kiera get situated in their new place, so I helped too. I thought it would be cathartic, but really, it was just painful. I didn’t have much to offer, but I gave Anna the only decent thing I owned—my comfortable chair. Kiera should have it. Maybe she’d think of me whenever she sat on it.
Leaving the hospital with Kiera still inside it had been difficult, but walking through her new apartment was so much worse. She’d build a life here, and I wouldn’t be a part of it. Walking past a box of things in the hallway, I paused and reached into my jacket. Making sure no one was around, I pulled out Kiera’s necklace. I stared at it a moment in the dark hallway, debating, then I turned my palm around and dumped it into the box. It wasn’t mine to keep. I had given it to Kiera and, much like my plush chair, I wanted her to have it. I would remember Kiera in my own way.
Later, when I was walking through my home, the enormity of its emptiness settled over me. Everything of Kiera’s was gone; all I had left were memories…but even those would fade with enough time. If I still had her necklace, I could stare at it, or wear it, and have something with me all the time that would remind me of her, but I didn’t. All I had was an elastic hair band in my pocket, and that would eventually fray and snap as it aged. It wasn’t enough. I wanted something more…permanent…to remind me of her.
A thought struck me as I headed back to my car. It overwhelmed me so fast, I had to lean against the door as I processed what I’d just imagined. Permanent. There was only one thing I could think of that wouldn’t fade, break, or shatter. I could have her with me every second of every day. I could carry her, on my skin, seared into my flesh…permanently.
An ancient conversation floated through my brain…Do you have one? Tattoo? No, I can’t think of anything I’d want permanently etched on my skin. Only now, I could. Her. I wanted Kiera’s name branded on me for all time, because she was permanent. I would always love her. Always.
Chapter 33
Missing You
Kiera was released from the hospital the following day. The news was bittersweet for me. She was healed enough to go home, which was great, but that meant I had to go home too. We’d be so much farther apart now. But that was what needed to happen.
I left the hospital before Kiera was cleared. I didn’t want her to accidentally see me downstairs and read too much into it. We were done, and that fact wasn’t changing. My house was frigid when I stepped inside it. As I trudged up the stairs, I wondered if it would always be chilly here now, if that was my new reality—bone-numbing cold. When I got to the top of the stairs, I saw that Kiera and Denny’s door was open. In slow motion, I walked over to it and peeked inside. All I saw was the bleakness of Joey’s worn furniture. Pained, I gently closed the door. I wasn’t going in there ever again, so there was no point in having it open. I wouldn’t be renting that room anymore either. I couldn’t. Even though she would never be returning to it, the room belonged to Kiera. I may as well board the door shut.
