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The crowd finally burst into cheers and whistles, and I discreetly wiped my eyes as I slung my guitar over my shoulder. I met Evan’s gaze and his face was sympathetic. I had to swallow again. You were right…that was stupid. I was sure Denny had just seen all of that between Kiera and me. I hadn’t had the courage to look at him yet, but I could feel his eyes on me. It was just a matter of time.
Jenny was leading Kiera over to the bar when I looked back out at the crowd. She handed Kiera something in a glass that I was sure wasn’t water. Kiera downed it as she collapsed onto a stool. Her eyes met with mine, and even with the distance between us, I saw the longing there. She wanted to run to me, but that was impossible; there might as well have been continents between us.
Or at least one continent was between us. Denny approached me when I stepped off the last stair to the stage. “Interesting song,” he said, his dark eyes cold. “Write it about anyone in particular?”
My eyes accidentally drifted to Kiera at the bar, but I immediately pulled them back to Denny’s face. Hopefully he hadn’t noticed. Making my lips turn up into a casual smile, I shook my head and clapped Denny on the shoulder. Nope. No one. It’s just a song…a random, meaningless song. Denny’s expression was blank as he watched me put my guitar away. I knew he wanted more of an answer from me, and I should have shared my thoughts with him, but I didn’t trust my voice at the moment. It might break again, and that would completely destroy any lie I gave him.
I hurried out of there, but not without one final look at Kiera. Her eyes were still watery. I wished I could go talk to her, give her the necklace I’d bought for her. But I didn’t have it with me, and besides, I definitely couldn’t do that with Denny watching. I’d done too much already. It was well past time to go.
Pinching my nose to stave off the headache forming, I practically ran from the bar. Once I was in the safety of my car, I laid my head on the steering wheel and let the pain out. Fat tears rolled down my cheeks, and there was nothing I could do to stop them. It’s over…
When I was drained, physically and emotionally, I started my car and headed home. Should I leave now? Was a song a good enough goodbye? I walked through my front door, looked around at the emptiness before me, and clearly saw my future in the stillness. Walls that echoed with silence were all I had in store for me. I couldn’t face that loneliness yet, so I trudged upstairs to my room. One more day. God…please…just give me one more day.
I didn’t bother turning on any lights as I walked through the house; I wanted to be bathed in darkness, it matched my mood. Entering my room, I closed the door, turned on some music, then lay down on my bed and stared at my ceiling. I ran through everything that had happened since Denny and Kiera had moved in, mentally catalogued every mistake I’d made. There were so many. I tried numbering them, but around seventy-two, I gave up.
Denny and Kiera came home later, after Kiera’s shift. I glanced at my door when I heard them walk past. Had they talked yet? Did Denny know? They headed to their room together, so I figured he didn’t. He probably wouldn’t sleep in the same room with her if he knew she’d recently been with me. God…was that only last night? It felt like a lifetime ago.
Someone was in the bathroom for an eternity, but eventually that person stumbled to bed, closing the door behind them. I lay there, willing myself to pass out, but it wasn’t happening. I was wide awake.
With a small sigh, I got up, opened my dresser, and pulled out Kiera’s necklace. When would be a good time to give it to her? I wasn’t sure. Sitting down on the far side of my bed, I examined the piece in the moonlight. It was stunning, just like her. Putting aside thoughts of our final, painful goodbye, I let myself imagine an alternate reality, one where I could give her the necklace on a joyous occasion, and we were together, happy. I blinked in surprise when I heard a voice whisper my name. As I turned, I saw Kiera on the inside of my door. I hadn’t heard her come in. She shouldn’t be in here.
Clenching my hand around the necklace, I shoved it under the bed; I wasn’t ready to give it to her yet. “What are you doing here? We talked about this. You shouldn’t be here.”
“How could you do that?” she asked, her eyes glistening.
“What?” I had done so much, I wasn’t sure what she was referring to anymore.
“Sing that song to me…in front of everyone. You killed me.” Her voice broke as she dropped onto the bed.
My emotional night rolled over me, churning my conflicting desires. “It’s what needs to happen, Kiera.”
“You wrote that days ago…when you were gone?”
I couldn’t answer her right away. I knew she wouldn’t understand. She’d argue, she’d disagree with every word I spoke, but I knew where this was heading. I’d always known. “Yes. I know where this is going, Kiera. I know who you’ll choose, who you’ve always chosen.”
She surprised me by not arguing. Another sign that she was beginning to accept the truth. Denny had her heart, not me. “Sleep with me tonight,” she blurted out in a trembling voice.
I felt like she’d just punched me in the gut. “Kiera, we can’t…”
Her voice was soft when she answered me. “No…literally. Just hold me, please.”
Hold her…one last time? Yes, I could do that. Lying back on the bed, I held my arms open for her. Regardless of our hazy future and complicated past, my arms would always be open for her. She snuggled into my side, her arm over me, her legs tangled with mine, her head nuzzled in my shoulder. My chest pounded with pain. I’ll have to give this up soon…
Kiera sniffled and I squeezed my eyes shut and held her tighter. I don’t want to let her go…A wavering sigh escaped me as I tried to hold in my grief. I wish this wasn’t happening…
In the silence building with painful restraint, Kiera spoke the words that were crashing through my heart. “Don’t leave me.”
A near sob escaped me, but I choked it back. “Kiera…” I whispered, kissing her head and clutching her tight. I have to.
She looked up at me with wet cheeks and grieved eyes. “Please stay…stay with me. Don’t go.”
I closed my eyes to block out her pain and felt my own tears rolling down my cheeks. “It’s the right thing to do, Kiera.”
“Baby, we’re finally together, don’t end this.”
Opening my eyes, I ran a finger down her cheek. Her words sounded so right, but I knew they weren’t. “That’s just it. We’re not together…”
“Don’t say that. We are. I just need time…and I need you to stay. I can’t bear the thought of you leaving.” Her hands cupped my cheeks as she brought her lips to mine.
It took a lot of willpower, but I pulled away. “You won’t leave him, Kiera, and I can’t share you. Where does that leave us? He’s going to figure it out if I stay. That leaves us with one option…I go.” Agony wrenched my throat shut, and I swallowed through the harshness so I could finish speaking. “I wish things were different. I wish I’d known you first. I wish I was your first. I wish you would choose me—”
“I do!” she exclaimed, cutting me off.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. I was terrified that if I did anything or said anything, Kiera would take back the words she’d just said. And I didn’t want her to take them back. I’d been waiting my entire life to hear those words, to hear that someone wanted me more than anyone else. I hadn’t realized, until this very moment, just how badly I’d wanted to be chosen. And now I was scared to death that that was going to be taken away from me.
Kiera stared at me for achingly long seconds. My heart thudded against my rib cage while I waited for her to speak, to take it back, to rip everything I’d ever wanted away from me. Kill me, Kiera…or save me.
A slow smile spread over Kiera’s face. It did nothing to calm the anxiety building inside me. “I do choose you, Kellan.” Her brows drew together as she searched my face. “Do you understand me?”
Did I? She was choosing me. She wanted me. She was…mine? She was really mine? I get…to keep her. I get to love her. I get to have this? It all felt so wrong, so unbelievable, so temporary…but…what if it wasn’t?
Rolling her onto her back, I pressed my body against hers, grabbed her face, and lowered my mouth to hers. Finally. We were panting, frantic and eager. She ran her hands through my hair, igniting me. I ripped off her tank top. Nothing would be between us now. I pulled off my shirt, then her pants. I was working on my jeans when Kiera breathlessly pulled away from me.
“What happened to your…rules?” she asked, surprised by my sudden intensity.
“I never was good at following rules. And I never could say no to your begging anyway…” Leaning in, I kissed her neck. My neck. I would never share her again.
I kicked off my jeans, then sought her lips. “Wait…” She gently pushed me back. “I thought you didn’t want to do this…here.”
She glanced at my closed bedroom door, but I didn’t follow her line of sight. I wasn’t concerned about Denny anymore. She was my girlfriend now, my lover, my…everything. The outside world no longer existed. She had chosen me, and I wanted to make love to her. Now. So that was exactly what I was going to do.
