"I'm still trying to figure out what I want," Dylan said. "I thought I'd keep touring until I found the right band. Every band I've been in, we just ended upfighting."
"That's how bands are. Eventually everyone thinks they'reright."
"I've been touring non-stop since I was eighteen," Dylan said. "I didn't have a choice, I didn't have a place to live. My dad split when I was little. After that, Mom starting going out to parties and clubs. She'd leave me home alone and I'd take care of her. By the time I was eight, I was cooking, cleaning, and doinglaundry."
Jude listened, not wanting to interrupt Dylan, but he wondered if family dysfunction was a prerequisite for a musiccareer.
"My mom made some new friends and suddenly she was drinking more and doing drugs," Dylan said. "We lived in an old apartment development. You know the kind, the red brick buildings that faced a commoncourt."
Jude nodded then stole a glance at Lucky, who was scribbling in her notebook. They had so much in common, but he knew he couldn't open up to her. It wasn't right, she needed time on her own. She neededtolive.
"One of our neighbors realized how often I was alone and called Family Services," Dylan said. "I know he thought he was doing the right thing, but after that I spent my life in and out of foster care, moving whenever my mom got custody back and changing schools. I ended up with no friends,nothing.
"The only consistent thing was my music," Dylan said. "My dad had been a musician and when he left, he left behind one of his guitars. I always thought it was his way of giving me something. Of making sure I had something in my life. Maybe even afuture.
"I taught myself how to play and when I turned eighteen and was on my own, I went to every audition I could find. I'd sleep on people's couches, stay the night in a shelter, I didn't care. I wanted to call the roadmyhome."
"How'd you get into bass?" Judeasked.
"Less competition. Everybody wants to be a guitarist and get noticed. Not many appreciate the bottom end. So for three years now I've been touring. It's great. I have nocomplaints.But..."
"Butwhat?"
"But Jordan," Dylan said, lowering his voice. He leaned into the aisle to get a glimpse of her as she took random photos. "She's it, man. She's the one. I knew it when I first set eyes on her. And now she's thinking of moving to LA, and I want to get off the road. I just want to bewithher."
"Then what's theproblem?"
"That wasn't the plan. I know I can get studio work, and maybe she can come on the road sometimes, but the fact that I'm thinking of all of this right nowscaresme."
"Don't think about it then," Jude said. "Sometimes you should listen to your heart and notyourhead."
Even as the words came out of his mouth, Jude recognized the irony. It had been a long time since his heart beat the way it did for Lucky. Then again, it had been a long time since he had beenontour.
As Lucky stood up and stretched by her seat, Jude found himself following the hem of her shirt, wishing it was shorter and he'd get a small flash of skin. He thought about how soft her skin was, how good it felt to hold her so close. Closing his eyes for a moment, he smelled the coconut of hershampoo.
"Jude!"
"What? Oh sorry, Dylan, I thought you were done. I didn't get much sleep lastnight."
"Oh yeah? Wild night? I've seen you leaving with some pretty hot chicks after theshows."
"Yeah, the one last night was the hottest. I could get used to waking up to her every morning," Jude said as he thought aboutLucky.
"You don't get tiredofit?"
"Nah, it’s the lifestyle. It’s why we're in rock ‘n’ roll,right?"
Jude was tired of the same old line and he realized he was becoming less convincing, too. Unfortunately, it was a role he felt he had to play. He didn't want the world to know about his personal life, that was messed up enough as it was. It was easier to play the dog, as a lot of women called him, than to risk the truth makingthenews.
"Gimme a break, Jude," Dylan said, shaking his head. "You think we're blind? You think none of us see how you look at her? You keep saying you don't want to be here, but you sit in the back of the bus instead of hiding away in that room. I bet you sit back here so you can watch her without being tooobvious."
"You don't know what you're talkingabout."
"I don't? I didn't come back here to whine about my life story. I came back here because I know you're going through the same thing." Dylan shifted a little in his seat to get a better look at Jordan. "And also because Jordan was busy talking to Lucky and this was the best place I could find to stare at her without looking like a fuckingstalker."
He grinned at Jude, who started laughing. "Then welcome to stalker central," Jude said. "But let’s keep thisbetweenus."
Jude hadn't been on the road since Silverlight and hoped he would never return. There were too many women in the world and it seemed like every time one walked past, he found someone newtolove.
He couldn't do that to Lucky. If there was ever going to be something between them, he needed to be sure he wasn't just looking for a warm body. He needed to listen to something other than his dick. Besides, she wasyoung.
It wasn't her age, they were less than ten years apart. But Lucky was so sheltered and naive, he didn't want her to wake up one day and realize she missed out on life. She would resent him for that, he knew he would if it was him. His heart had been broken enough times. He didn't want to go through that painagain.
He had no choice but to keep Lucky at a distance. Even if that distance keptshrinking.
