I sighed as I tried the ring on each of my fingers. Even on my thumb it was loose. I picked up my phone to let him know I had his ring, but I wasn't ready to talk to him yet. I made a mental note to bring the ring to work with me and give it back to him then.
Things with Gideon were incredible last night, but I didn't want to lose my friend. Having him as a friend was the most important thing to me. But even as I thought that, a memory of our night together flashed in my mind.
Could we be something more?
Chapter Nine
Becca
The next night as I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, I wondered how things had changed so much in just a couple of days. I rolled over and looked at the clock on my nightstand. 1:45 a.m. I had been tossing and turning for two hours. I couldn't sleep.
All I could think about was him, Gideon, my best friend. But this time I wasn't thinking about him as a best friend, I was thinking about what happened two nights ago.
I reached for my phone and clicked to get it to light up.Still no text from him.For months, he had texted me every night before we went to sleep. And now that he hadn't, I couldn't sleep.
I yanked the blankets out from underneath Cinder, who was snoring beside me. Somehow that dog always managed to steal all the covers.
I opened up a new text to Gideon, but I didn't know what to say. Everything that popped into my head just didn't sound right. Our sleeping together became exactly what I was afraid of, and I couldn't stop replaying that night in my mind. I hated to admit that as much as I was obsessing over it, I enjoyed thinking about it even more.
* * *
The next day I was a zombie. I was thankful for it being Sunday so I didn't have to go to work. I barely slept, and I knew it was because of Gideon. It wasn't his fault, I couldn't blame him for my being so used to texting him before bed that I couldn't sleep without it anymore.
I kept thinking that I should text him. Or maybe I should just call him. But I couldn't. I felt ridiculous. I couldn't get him out of my mind. I felt like some silly teenager obsessing over her first boyfriend. Why was I being like this? Was it the sex? It's not like I hadn't had no-strings-attached sex before. What was so different with this time?
I didn't want to admit it, but I knew the problem wasn't that it was a one-night stand with my best friend. The problem was that I wanted more than just one night.
I spent the day running errands, trying to keep myself preoccupied. I did everything imaginable to try to keep my mind from going back to Gideon, but nothing helped.
As I lay in bed that night, wide awake, I reached for my phone. I had to text him. I knew I was a bitch for how I threw him out on New Year's Day. I was surprised he didn't call me out on it, but I knew it had to be weird for him too. Just as I was about to text him, my phone buzzed with a new text message.
Gideon:Sorry I didn't text you last night. I wasn't sure if I should or not.
Becca:It's okay, I didn't text you either. And I should have.
Gideon:Just let me say something. I don't want what happened to ruin what we had together. You're my best friend, Becca. I don't want to lose that.
Becca:Me neither! I don't know what to think though.
As soon as I hit send, I groaned as I re-read what I wrote to him. I didn't want him jumping to conclusions about what I was saying, but I didn't know what I was saying myself.
Gideon:What do you mean?
Becca:I don't know.
Too many things were swimming around in my head, making me dizzy. This was the kind of thing that I wanted to talk to a friend about, but the only friend I really wanted to talk to was him. I couldn't tell Sandra, she had enough problems of her own. And I knew if I told Cassie, she would tell me I was crazy for thinking of Gideon as just a friend to begin with.
Becca:This is ridiculous so I'm just going to put this out there. I can't stop thinking about the other night.
Gideon:Me neither. I hope you're thinking about it the same way I am.
Becca:I think I am.
Gideon:That night was like nothing I have ever experienced before. It was like everything was new. Each sensation, each feeling, everything was perfect. You are perfect, Becca. And us together, that was amazing.
I couldn't believe he was saying all the right things. I wanted to convince myself that this was how he treated all of the women he dated, but I knew that wasn't true. I pushed aside those worries. I knew Gideon. He was being sincere.
Becca:It was amazing! But I can't help but worry about our friendship. We've talked about this before. We've talked about how neither one of us want any kind of relationship with anyone. They're too complicated.
