When I stood up I saw the DVDs.
They were stacked at the end of the closet shelf, a dozen or so cases she'd moved in here with everything else, and I went through them without deciding to, the way you read the spinesof somebody's books. Old ones, mostly. Movies we had watched together, some she really loved. And near the bottom of the stack, the movie I had rented the day after I first took her out. The one I sat on her front steps holding while I waited for her to get home from work.
Shakespeare in Love. One of her favorites.
I carried the movie down the stairs and was in the car before I had a chance to change my mind. As I sat in the dark of the garage with the engine off, I got out my phone and sent Ruby a text before I left.
I'm making us dinner tonight.
Chapter 9
Ruby
Pop!
The sound startled me. For a few seconds I couldn't figure out what the noise was, and then I heard Oscar in the kitchen.
When did he get home? What time is it?
I picked up my phone and was surprised to see a text from him, let alone that he was making us dinner. My brow furrowed as I got up and looked toward the kitchen.
What is he up to? Is he planning on killing me?
I laughed at the thought then quickly finished the section of the elevation I had been sketching. I gently picked up my sketches and carefully laid them on top of each other. I looked at the stack with a smile, my heart feeling full in a way it hadn't in a long time.
With my new sketches, my sketchpad, and my pencils in hand, I brought them into the dining room and slid them behind the cabinet, knowing Oscar wouldn't go in there anyway.
I didn't want to share them with him. I wasn't sure if I was ready to share them with anyone, but it was clear Oscar didn't value what I brought to the company in its early days, and didn't think I had anything to contribute now.
It seemed Adam appreciated my work, but he had always seen things differently than Oscar. That's why they made such a good team.
I thought about how happy Olivia seemed at the gala, and then I thought about Nicole, alone at that table before we found her, stirring a drink she wasn't going to finish. I kept coming back to her. Maybe because she had said out loud the thing I had spent years not saying.
I could have called her. Olivia too. Either one of them would have picked up, and either one of them would have understood exactly what I was living in right now, because they were living in some version of it themselves. But I didn't reach for the phone, and I knew I wouldn't.
When I was young I told my girlfriends everything. Then Jeremy came, and my whole life narrowed down to him, and somewhere in there I got out of the habit of leaning on anyone. I got good at not needing it. I told myself that was strength. Sitting on the porch that night, my own marriage coming apart in the next room, I wasn't as sure. There is a difference between not needing people and having quietly arranged your life so you never have to test whether they would show up. I had been alone with this for a long time before Oscar ever moved down the hall.
Still, hearing Nicole say it had helped. Knowing I wasn't the only one. That was something.
"Dinner will be ready soon," Oscar called from the kitchen.
Taking the shortcut through the butler's pantry, I entered the kitchen. Oscar looked a little frazzled, peeking under a pot lid, then opening the oven before quickly closing it while shaking his head.
"Do you need any help?" I asked.
"No. You cook all the time, it's time I do something for you."
He grinned and gave me a wink. My heart did a little flip in my chest, but I kept my expression straight.
Oscar opened the junk drawer and pulled out the lighter. He walked past me to the kitchen table and lit a candle. The flame danced in the reflection of the bay window.
On the table was a bouquet of grocery store flowers in a vase of water, still wrapped in cellophane. Leaning against the vase was a DVD.
My lips curved upwards involuntarily, and a smile spread across my face. I could recognize the DVD case of one of my favorite movies from a mile away. The rich red background, the pop of yellow in Gwyneth Paltrow's dress, the deep blue of Joseph Fiennes' jacket. It was Shakespeare in Love. The same movie Oscar rented the night after our first date.
I picked up the DVD case and hugged it to my chest. Tears filled my eyes, but I quickly blinked them away.
Don't be such a mush!
