Sit in the dark thinking about what it means that he’s watching this closely. That he commented publicly. That he used that name where anyone could see it even if only I would understand what it meant.
He wants me to know he’s watching.
He wants me to feel it.
I set the phone face-down on the counter.
Turn it over again ten seconds later.
Almost open a text to Jax.
Put it down.
Not yet. Not tonight. Not with the Conference Final starting and his head needing to be exactly where it needs to be and not on Griffin Novak and whatever game he’s playing from Tampa.
I’ll deal with it.
My editor texts at midnight.
Have you seen the Instagram photo? Network is calling. Please advise.
I stare at the ceiling.
Please advise.
I look at the photo one more time — the whole arena, the chaos, his eyes finding mine across all of it. One second. Aurora caught it and the whole hockey internet saw it and Griffin left a comment with a name only he knows and my editor wants me to advise her and I have nothing.
I put the phone face down. I open the blank document. Stare at it.
Type:
The first time I saw Jax Mercer he was in a dress shirt at nine PM in a grocery store and he let me win rock paper scissors.
I stare at that for a long time. Delete it. Close the laptop. Open my personal notebook. Write it there instead. Then I write three more lines that aren’t for anyone else and close the notebook.
Lie in the dark.
Think about Griffin’s comment. Think about forty thousand likes. Think about one second across a room full of chaos. Think about the name I buried sitting underneath all of it like a lit fuse I keep choosing not to touch.
I close my eyes.
I don’t sleep for what feels like forever.
Chapter nineteen
Jax
40,000likes.
I’m on my second coffee when Aurora’s text comes through. A screenshot. The photo she posted last night — me turning in the chaos of the locker room, Nova across the room, the whole arena behind us and neither of us performing anything about it.
Aurora:
She saved it to her camera roll. Aiden found out from Riley who heard it from Katarina. Just so you know.
I look at the photo for a while.
Set it on my chest.
