“What if you… I don’t know… here’s a novel idea, what if you sat down and talked with him?”
“Talk?”
Leena twists her hands in front of her. “Yeah. Talk, like rational human beings. What would be the harm in it?”
“The harm? The harm is that the man is a Neanderthal. He’s pissed on my divorce papers and lit the second set on fire. I think that’s a pretty good indication he’s not going to just sit down andtalk.”And he’s also a possessive asshole who said that I belong with him.
“Maybe he’s just hurt. He was humiliated when you left. Worse, he was punished for something he didn’t even do. You let everyone think he beat you!”
“Don’t you think there was a reason for that?” I grind out angrily, even though Leena couldn’t possibly know. It’s not fair to take out my rage on her, my frustration and everything else I’m feeling, but I can’t help myself. I never said I was the nice sister or that I was a decent person.
“A reason for what?”
“Nothing.”
An awkward, strained silence descends in the kitchen between us. I hate that I’ve done this, widened that gulf stretching between us when Leena was only trying to help. She opened up her home to me when I asked, not because she needed to, but because she’s a good person. She did it even though Wraith obviously doesn’t like me or want me here.
I blow out a breath and turn to blink at Leena in silent apology. “Sorry. I’m just tired. It’s been a long two days. I don’t like coming back here. I just want to get my papers signed and get the hell out. I really don’t think it’s too much to ask to just get his name on a few lines when he clearly doesn’t want tostay married any more than I do. I don’t get it. If he wants his freedom, why won’t he just sign? We’d both be better off.”
Leena frowns again and I hate the worry lines crinkling at the corners of her eyes. The lines etching her mouth are even worse. I don’t want her to have to go through this. With me. For me. I should be able to deal with my own shit. I should have gotten a hotel room for the few days that I’m going to be here, not intruded into my sister’s life and dumped my problems at her feet.
“Well…” her voice is soft. Impossibly soft, and I already know I’m not going to like what she has to say. “Maybe… I don’t know. Maybe Gage doesn’t see it like that. Maybe he wants something. Some kind of absolution or… I hate to say it, but some kind of revenge for what happened. He probably thinks that he was wronged. I don’t know. That’s why I think the best thing to do is sit down and talk to him.”
Talk.There it was again. “Nope. Never going to happen. He’s made it clear he’s beyond the talking to me stage. He can’t even be rational.”
“I don’t know then. I mean, don’t you think maybe you deserve to hear him out? That there might be another side to his story? One you haven’t considered? Maybe if you do, I’m not saying this as a certainty, but maybe if you show him you’re willing to do that, he’ll be more willing to do something for you.”
“That sounds like a really shitty form of coercion.”
“Or maybe it’s just common decency. Maybe if you treat him like a person, like he actually matters and not just be this thing, a means to an end, and I’m saying that in the nicest way possible, maybe he’ll be able to listen to reason and give you what you want.”
“He hates me. I can tell just by the way he looks at me. Talking wouldn’t help.”
“I could get Wraith to set it up for you.”
“No! No way.” I pick up my water glass but just clench it tightly in my hand. “No. That would make me look totally pathetic.”
“Sometimes… a little humility probably goes a long way.”
“Not in this case.”
“In every case. I think it would help. Going there and shoving the papers in his face isn’t going to work. I think we both know that. Why don’t you try calling him and set something up? Or maybe let me ask Wraith to talk to him and get him to meet with you. You can do it on neutral territory. In a restaurant or something, so no one can get mad or do anything crazy.”
“I think that’s the worst idea. Doing it in a public place. So everyone can overhear all the dirty laundry we have and judge me for being a shitty person. Or maybe that’s what you want. Maybe you think I should be judged. That I should be found wanting. That I have so many things to atone for.”
“Ami…” Leena sighs. She shakes her head in a sad, exasperated way.
I’m not prepared for her when she steps forward and opens her arms. She doesn’t give me any time to protest or regain my bearings before she wraps them around my shoulders and pulls me in close. I hate going there. I hate leaning against her. I hate that my eyes close and that it feels good to be held. I hate that after so many years apart, doing this, hugging her, kind of feels like coming home. I hate that I can’t tell her that physical contact is something that is on the ‘shit I can’t do’ list.It’s because she’s my sister, and she’s kind and good, that I don’t pull away.
“You’re my sister,” she whispers softly in my ear. “I don’t want to judge you. I never wanted that. All we ever hoped for, Steph and me, was that you’d find someone one day and be as happy as we are. I really believe that you can’t do that, even for yourself, until you settle things with Gage. It might be painful and uncomfortable for both of you, but will you please give it a try?”
She pulls away and I’m shocked that I miss her arms. That I want to pull her back to me and cling to her, bury my face in her hair and inhale her sweet scent. I’ve never been a clingy person. Evenbefore, but it’s been a long time. I keep telling myself that I don’t like being back in Helena, so close to Jacksonville, and I don’t, but I have missed my sisters. More than I ever thought I could.
It’s hard being solitary for so long. It’s hard being strong and knowing the whole time, I’m not at all. That really, I’d do anything for a good friend, someone to listen to me—even for a few seconds, that I’d do anything to be a part of a family again.
They have their own lives, though. They’ve moved on without me, and I didn’t exactly give them much of a choice.
“Please…” Leena stares at me, her eyes shining with so much emotion that it hurts to look at her. “Can you please do this, for me?”
