We retreated further away from each other. ‘Nothing, bhaiya,’ I managed. Behind my brother stood most of our dinner party. Arjun’s eyes were fixed on the floor, while Rhea and Abhinav weren’t even pretending not to stare.Wonderful, this is exactly what I needed. How long had they been standing there anyway?
And then Tanya emerged from behind them, looking like she was about to throw up. ‘Guys … I’m not feeling great. Can we head back to the hotel?’
‘I think that would be best,’ my brother said before anyone else could respond.
Within minutes, Arjun was ushering the group into his car. He glanced back at me before getting into the driver’s seat, his hand hesitating on the door. ‘It was so good to see you, Kavu. Take care of yourself, okay?’ He gave me a small, hopeful smile before getting into the car.
I hated that some part of me still hoped that Neil would roll his window down and call out for me. But he did no such thing. He didn’t have to.
I knew it was over, whatever this thing between us had been. I’d made sure of it.
twenty
We Need to Talk
Therealization that I was a textbook hypocrite hit me somewhere between Andheri and Bandra station, as I typed out a polite response to Arjun’s text from last night.
Arjun: Hey, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I hope you reached Mumbai okay. I’m here if you want to talk.
Me: Reached safely. All good, thanks for checking in.
Because thirty-six hours ago, I’d practically bitten Neil’s head off for still being in touch with his ex. I’d lectured him about making excuses for wanting to keep his options open, while here I was,keeping my options open.Why else had I not shut down Arjun’s advances and insisted on a clean break? It’s not like I hadn’t had the opportunity. Instead of being brutally honest with him that night in the kitchen, I’d let Arjun walk away with a sliver of hope. I’d let my family’s wishful thinking and my own heartache over Neil get in the way of my true feelings for Arjun—or the lack thereof.
I stared at the blue tick under my text message and felt the sharp pinch of the truth deep in my gut. I wasn’t better than Neil. I was just as complicated and messy, and what’s worse, I’d been too self-absorbed to admit it.
I winced and rested my head on my bicep, gripping the cold metal handle above me. The train compartment was buzzing with morning peak-hour energy, but all I could hear was my own voice from that night at my house in Mussoorie.
And maybe you don’t belong in mine.
Had it been a low blow? Maybe. He had spent all evening partaking in my family’s silly little traditions, opening up to me about how he hadn’t grown up with any of that … and I’d allowed my insecurities about his history with Aarushi exploit that weak spot. I hadn’t meant it, of course. It was just way easier than sayingI’m terrified that I might be falling for you too.
And before you say anything, yes, Ihadthought about calling him up to make things right. I’d even considered changing my evening flight so I could fly out earlier with him and the rest of the crew. But there were things I needed to deal with before I could get out of Mussoorie—namely, my brother.
The minute he caught on to the weird tension between Neil and me, he’d started bombarding me with a string of intrusive questions.Is something going on between you two? Why didn’t you tell me you were dating someone? Youareat least dating him, right? This better not be some situationship nonsense.I’d snapped back that it was none of his business, which had only made things worse. By the time we’d managed to smooth things over (not without the help of my thoroughly confused parents), I’d run out of any mental capacity to reach out to Neil.I’ll just speak to him at the office, I’d decided. Not to rekindle anything—I doubted there was anything left to rekindle—but to clear the air.
But when I arrived at the office, Neil was not at his workstation. Neither was Tanya. I slid into my chair, opened my laptop and tried to lose myself in emails. Every few minutes, my eyes flicked towards Neil’s desk, waiting for him to stroll in looking like a million bucks. But an hour passed, then another and there was still no sign of either of them.Had they both taken a comp off for working over the weekend and just forgotten to loop me in?
I’d just pulled out my phone to text Tanya when the intercom on my desk lit up with Varun’s extension. ‘Morning, Kavya. Can you step into my cabin for a minute?’
I wondered what he wanted to chat about as I gathered my notebook and made my way over. I knew the production agency had kept him in the loop throughout the shoot, but maybe he wanted more on-ground details?Or it could be about your promotion,an optimistic thought snuck in, and I let myself entertain it for a second. Maybe the universe had decided I needed a win after the shithole of a week I’d just had.
Then I caught a glimpse of who was sitting next to Varun in his cabin and all my optimism died on the spot.
Swati Kaul, the head of HR, looked up as I pushed the door open, her expression perfectly neutral.Uh, oh. What on earth have I been summoned for?Everyone at Jharokha knew that Swati didn’t handle day-to-day interactions like leave requests and casual enquiries, she only appeared when something needed tact. She had this rather hypnotizing quality about her, where she could talk you into just about anything. During my joining negotiation, she’d thrown around words like ‘long-term growth’ and ‘strategic positioning’ to convince me that taking a 15 per cent lower salary than I’d asked for was inmyfavour. I’d walked out thanking her for it.
All that to say that, yes, she made me very,verynervous.
‘Hi, Kavya,’ she said in her classic HR-Swati tone, which could mean anything fromcongratulations on your promotiontoplease hand in your resignation.
Varun gestured to the chair across from his desk. ‘Have a seat.’
My stomach tightened as I glanced between them, trying to read the room. Swati leaned forward and folded her hands on the table and my internal alarm bells immediately started going off.Okay, this is not looking good. Like, at all.
Swati cleared her throat. ‘Kavya, we’ve been made aware of a policy breach while you were at your outstation shoot.’
My heart dropped into my stomach.Policy breach?Was this about Neil?
My mind immediately started flipping through every questionable moment from the Mussoorie trip that the crew could’ve picked up on. Our heated conversation on the front porch. The way he’d held my arm and closed the distance between us. How he’d told me he was falling for me. Had Abhinav and Rheaheardall that? But even if they had, why would they report it back to Varun? Surely Neil’s confession hadn’t been exciting enough to make two part-time consultants invested in our personal drama.
