“Because I never talk about her to anyone. And I almost did without thought.” Wasn’t it obvious?
“It isn’t a secret that you were married, Harper. You don’t have to hide that part of your life from someone you are becoming friends…or more with,” he added hopefully. “Or anyone really.”
“They just don’t need to know. And it hurts to talk about. She should still be here with us.”
“I know, sweetie. She should. I miss my twin sister like only you and Mom could ever understand, but talking about her, remembering her, not lying by pretending I’m an only child, helps me feel close to her.”
Indignation rising, Harper’s voice grew tight as her throatconstricted. “I’m not lying about her to anyone. I’m not claiming I’ve never been married. I’m just not volunteering the information.”
“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be harsh or upset you, but how is notevermentioning Kelly honoring her memory?”
“I can honor her memory in any way I see fit, and that doesn’t mean I need to talk about her to strangers.”
“You can, but it isn’t healthy for you to pretend like the first forty years of your life didn’t happen, and the only people who know it did are me and Mom.” She huffed, but he continued, “Look, all I’m saying is, it wouldn’t be the end of the world if you disregarded your self-imposed rule to never talk about her. I think it would be healthy. It’s not like you have to share every single detail, but letting someone in on a sliver of the pain you’ve gone through in the past three years would probably be cathartic.”
Harper sighed, needing to process everything that Andrew had just laid on her.
“Please just think about it,” he finally said. “I love you, and I just want you to be okay.”
Did he think she wasn’t?She didn’t want to ask, so she changed the subject. “I’m fine enough. What’s new with you and Ben?”
“Oh you, know, same old same old.” She envisioned his flopping his head from side to side. “But I guess one thing I haven’t told you is, we decided to start fostering.”
“Dogs?”
“No silly, kids.” He laughed.
Her jaw hit the floor. “Wow. That’s a big step. You always said you didn’t want kids.”
“I know. But a few months ago, Ben and I read a news article about how many LGBTQ+ kids there are in the foster system, many of whom were thrown out, abused, or ran away becausethey are LGBTQ+, and close to half of them have also run away from foster care because their foster families didn’t make them feel safe. It really struck us. Kelly and I had amazingly welcoming parents, but so many kids aren’t so lucky. Hell, Ben wasn’t that lucky, and we just want to give back some of the privilege that we have. We are so lucky being financially stable with flexible enough schedules that we can make it work.”
“That’s amazing. I’m proud of you.”
They chatted for almost another hour before Andrew yawned enough times that Harper forced him to go to bed. She felt lighter after having talked to him. Her hands were no longer shaking, and she didn’t feel like the entire world was about to collapse around her.
“How was yoga teacher school today?” Harper said as Charlie slid onto a barstool.
“It was good. Our yogic philosophy topic today was Svadhyaya, which is essentially self-study. We talked about examining the stories we tell ourselves about our past and how that can create false beliefs about who we are and what we need. I feel like if I’d had that class when I first got here, I wouldn’t have been ready for it, but it gave me a lot to think about on my post-class bike ride today, and I feel really good. Refreshed. Optimistic. I think I still have a lot to process, but I am in a really good place. For the first time in a long time.” Charlie truly felt like she was glowing.
“That’s great. You look happy. So is all of this teacher training stuff mental, or are you also studying yoga moves and stuff?” Harper looked genuinely interested, and Charlie was relieved that she seemed back to normal after their weird interaction thenight before. And not in the fake bartender way, but in the real way.
“It’s the postures and flows as well. Today we went through a flow to build to standing half-moon, which is a pose I used to really struggle with, but it came to me easier today after I learned more ways to cue people into which muscles to engage. It was fantastic, really.” Everything about that day had been fantastic, but she didn’t go so far as to say that.
“I have no idea what standing moon whatever is, but I’m glad you had such a great day, full of revelations.” Her smile looked bigger and lighter than normal too. “What can I get you to drink?”
“Hmm.” Charlie really couldn’t make up her mind. “Why don’t you surprise me? I think you know what I like enough by now.”
“Oh, a challenge. I love it.” Harper nodded and smirked as she turned and started grabbing bottles. “Challenge accepted.”
“You seem like you’re in an upbeat mood too. Did you have a good day?” Charlie hoped this might be the day that Harper finally opened up a little after it seemed like she’d been so close the night before.
Harper poured liquor into the cocktail shaker she’d just scooped ice into. “I had a chat with my…brother last night that has me doing some thinking and lightened my load a little bit. Also, this morning, I got word that a visa came through for the mother of a client I’ve been working with in my pro bono clinic. It’s been taking forever, and I was getting worried, so I’m really excited. He’s been living here for a decade, but his mom is still in Guatemala. Now she’ll be able to visit him, and I couldn’t be happier for them.”
When she finished speaking, Charlie felt like she had to pick up her jaw from the floor. Was Harper an attorney? How had she not known that?
When Harper finished shaking the cocktail and poured the drink into a glass in front of her, Charlie said, “You’re an attorney as well as a bar owner?” She felt her brows come together and consciously tried to relax them.
Harper turned a little red. “Uh, yeah. I am. I mean, I was. It’s what I did before I moved down here and bought this bar, but I like to give back a little. It’s how my parents raised me, I guess.” She pointed at the drink. “Well, are you going to try it, and tell me what you think, or what?”
