“What the hell, you don’t own a mirror?” River.
“That’s absurd! You are, without a doubt, one of the most beautiful, sexiest women I have ever met.” Monroe.
Cringing, I sank deeper into my chair.
Shaw held up her hand to quiet the others. “With all the media following Luca’s retirement, a bunch of old fuckers havebeen dehumanizing with their rants. And, of course, everyone on social media has their own bullshit to say. Violet and I have lived with this stuff our entire lives because of our parents. But this time, they finally got in Vi’s head.”
“Because it’s the truth,” I whispered, turning my gaze out to the view of the ocean so I didn’t have to look at the pity on the others’ faces. “I have let myself go. I am a fat, ugly slob. They haven’t spoken a single lie. Those pictures speak for themselves.”
“Violet Hope!” Shaw snapped at me in outrage.
“Stop it, Shaw,” I hissed. “Just shut the fuck up. You don’t know what I’m going through right now. You will never understand what any of this is like. Your boobs don’t spill over the tops of your bra. Your ass and thighs don’t have cellulite. There isn’t a single ounce of excess weight on you. You pushed out a baby, and the next day, your clothes fit again. I haven’t been in a smaller size than a fourteen in years.”
“Vi,” she said softly, reaching out a hand to me, but I didn’t want comfort. I wanted to vent.
“I know Luca doesn’t care what I look like. But I don’t find myself attractive. All I see is the excess skin and the rolls and imperfections. I hate it!”
Around me, the others had gone quiet. I covered my eyes with my hands, wanting to hide from them and the rest of the world.
From my right, I heard someone shifting, and then I felt a soft hand on my arm. Blinking back my tears, I dropped my hand to find River sitting on the lounger in front of me. Of all of them, she was the one I’d least expected to offer comfort. I barely knew her. Mila was my sister-in-law and my friend. Monroe was the sweet, understanding one.
But River had always been a little standoffish.
“I don’t understand a lot of what you are going through right now,” she said softly. “Honestly, I think you’re so beautiful, I can admit that I am a little insecure. But what I do understand is feeling like your body has betrayed you. I…”
Clearing her throat, she gave me a sad smile. “I had a miscarriage when I was eighteen. Afterward, it felt like it took forever for us to get pregnant again. I thought it was never going to happen for us.”
The anguish I heard in her voice hurt. I covered her hand still on my arm, trying to offer comfort. She blinked a few times, fighting tears. “When Rocco came along, I was so happy, and I wanted more babies. Maybe a daughter to be besties with Mila’s and Monroe’s girls like we are. But then…I had another miscarriage.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
“It’s not the same thing you’re going through, but what I’m trying to say is, I get that you feel like your body is letting you down.” She patted my arm. “You’re gorgeous, Violet. Right now, you can’t see that, because you let idiots get into your head.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Monroe sit forward. “What can we do?”
A lump filled my throat. “Thank you for wanting to help, but honestly, I don’t know how to get past this. Maybe I need to start seeing my therapist again. Or get a mommy makeover. I’m sure I can find a good plastic surgeon.”
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Shaw growled. Jumping to her feet, she stomped away without another word.
None of the others watched her go, but I sank a little deeper into my hoodie. She was going to go tell Luca. I knew she was. And then I’d have to spill all of my insecurities all over again.
“Vi.” Mila spoke up. “Having one baby is hard enough on a woman’s body. But having twins is a nightmare when it’s all over.”
Monroe nodded in agreement. She’d had a set of twins at the same time—the same freaking day—that Mila had birthed her sons. But her girls were the only kids Monroe had.
“You and I, we had two sets,” Mila continued. “And then with breastfeeding and work and just life in general, our bodies have been through the equivalent of war.”
Biting my lip, I had to admit that she was right.
“It took me a good six months after the boys were born before I felt sexy again,” Mila confessed. “But after the girls, I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror without crying. My stomach is all… And I’m not even going to talk about my ass. God, I used to love my ass.”
Despite the emotions churning inside me, I smiled at that.
“I’ve been on so many diets, I’ve lost count. I joined the gym, started exercise plans. But every time, Lyric gets all grumpy about it. He loves the extra everything. He keeps telling me he did this. It’s his. And he doesn’t want it to change.” Her gray eyes turned dreamy. “God, I love that man.”
“I-I know Luca would be the same way,” I explained. So would Jagger, but I couldn’t tell them that. Our guys were both too territorial of Shaw and me.
“You need to talk to him,” Mila advised.
